How To Make New Year’s Resolutions That Will Actually Work

Now this article is certainly not to criticise anybody for their intentions or for trying their best.  But equally this article is also not going to be another one offering tips for 2025 that you’ve read a thousand times before, or that would take you 5 seconds to find on the internet with advice such as:

• Set Clear Goals:
• Break Goals into Smaller Tasks:
• Create a Vision Board:
• Develop a Routine:
• Stay Positive:
• Reward Yourself:
• Find an Accountability Partner:
• Reflect Regularly:
• Learn from Setbacks:
• Mix Things Up:
• Stay Healthy:
• Practice Mindfulness:
• Celebrate the New Year:

All of which is valid advice.

Yet why is it that for many people year after year, the above advice doesn’t work?

Why are we motivated for a week or two or even a day or two, but then the motivation passes and the ‘new year new me’, becomes a distant memory?

More importantly what can we do about it?

It starts with understanding 2 key elements:

1 – Understanding Yourself, & Be Kind

To you.  First of all, I must remind you that you are but a mere human being.  You will always have ups and downs and highs and lows, and that (I’m sure you’re very close), you are not perfect.  With that in mind, try and be nice to yourself about yourself.  Give yourself a pat on the back when things are going well and heading in the right direction.  Equally, try not to be too tough on yourself if you fall off the training and exercise wagon.

Take the lessons from the good and the indifferent and keep taking small steps forward.  Remember the saying that “there is no such thing as failure, only feedback”.

2 – Understand The Challenges

There are 3 key challenges we are faced with.

/ – There are many of us who don’t enjoy training & exercise – and often struggle to connect with the ‘rewards’ of training and exercise whilst we are participating in the moment, but also before heading to the gym.  When we are not connected to the rewards, it’s easy to replace training and exercise for something that our mind believes is far more rewarding.  That can include ticking off tasks from our task list that we tell ourselves are a “higher priority”, doing jobs we perceive have to be done “right now” or anything other reason to give yourself permission not to attend.  Achieving these important tasks gives us a blast of dopamine and we feel great for the very short term.  However, that’s soon replaced by feeling of guilt, self-loathing, and angst for our non-attendance.  As I always say – ‘short term pleasure = long term pain’.

// – We are busier than ever – trying to find the time to balance a family life, a career, running a home, and more.  Never mind finding time for ourselves.  In this fast paced and busy world, it’s not easy.

/// – Today’s solutions have become tomorrow’s problems – Modern day life is detraining an extremely crucial skill in pretty much all of us, and that is the ability to handle frustration.  We can purchase our latest gadget online fast; we can order food and have it delivered fast, and the world of technology means everything is instant and at the click of our fingers.  This however is not the case for your training and exercise results in the gym.  Your results take time, effort, and hard work.  Lasting change is something that will not happen overnight.

Putting all this together means it’s easy to forget our best intentions, or simply find something that is more important or more of a priority than training and exercise in the given moment, and then simply cancel.  The frustration from non-attendance builds, and before we know it the cycle of non-attendance continues, the negative feedback loop continues, and despite us not feeling too good in ourselves, the task at hand appears too great, and we quit.

But again, what can we do about it?

Because that’s enough of the doom and gloom (understanding all of this about yourself is a huge step forward in breaking this negative loop).

But also because I believe there is another solution.

And it’s a fairly simple one that will enable you to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted with your training and exercise goals.

And that is to search for a higher purpose.

By that I mean – to train for something that you perceive is more “important” than many of the things that take hold of your time each day.

I.E – a charity event.

Many charities have events that are linked to their fundraising.  So today, why not search online and sign up to raise some money for a charity that’s close to your heart?  Why not let 2024 be the year that you run your first 5k or 10k.  Or 2024 be the year that you cycle from Manchester to Blackpool or participate in any number of the other events that are out there in your local community.

I have seen first-hand the desire, drive, determination, commitment, and effort displayed by the participants each year in my annual charity event ‘Charity Boxing Nights’.  The participants have jobs, often have families, are busy and like many of us they don’t have much spare time.  I am sure there are also days when they are tired, don’t feel like it or are lacking in motivation.

But they have made a commitment.

Firstly, to themselves, as this commitment requires them getting super fit to compete and give themselves every chance of success.  The biproduct of their commitment is increased training and exercise sessions which will get them much closer to their overall goals.

But their commitment is to something much bigger and far greater than they are (in their mindset).

Their commitment is to the cause.

The charity they are competing for and raising money for.

And that overrides pretty much anything. Busy, tired, feeling achy or just don’t feel like it – it doesn’t matter as the cause is more important.

So much so that they don’t need to be motivated.

Instead, they are completely focused on what it is they must do, and they get it done.

I’d highly recommend you read the book ’Start With Why’ by Simon Sinek.  It’s an epic read and whilst some might say is for business goals, it can be adapted to any goals and targets in life (some good videos and talks are available online also).

To quote the book, our annual event gives our participants “their why”.

Because when they find their why, have connected with it, and then committed to it they can override fatigue or lack of motivation, and instead become relentless with their training and exercise.

The charity wins as you can raise some money (any amount is amazing no matter how big or small), and you will equally benefit by becoming the fittest, fastest, and strongest version of you.

I would encourage every one of you to explore having a higher purpose or your ‘why’ with your training and exercise in the new year. To consider participating in something that has deeper meaning to you.

When you do this, you can make a huge difference to others, as well as yourself.

MORE FROM BROOD:

Ashley James images by Tom Pitfield © BROOD Magazine

He’s never really expressed interest in dresses before but we’ve always let him openly explore whatever makes him happy regardless of what gender they have been traditionally assigned to: dolls, pushchairs, pink etc. I’ve always thought it was weird that dolls and pushchairs are considered “girly” given that it’s also modelling being a dad!

Anyway, I promised him he could have a dress and texted Tommy asking him to pick one up. He didn’t question it and was so enthusiastic to share Alf’s excitement! It made me so sad to think of all the generations of boys that aren’t allowed to be themselves. But on a deeper level – why do we discourage boys from having female role models and from “girly” things?

Anyway, it turns out Alf decided that dresses are not that comfortable – but I feel so happy that he gets to grow up with such a strong male role model in his dad that he does not try to force him into a box of masculinity!

How wonderful would the world be if we allowed our sons and daughters the space and freedom to be whoever they want to be. 

And we couldn’t agree more! Now onto the interview…

At what point in your career did you become a Mum and how did you find that transition? 

 “I became a mum right in the middle of lockdown really. So my pregnancy and lockdown were pretty much In Sync. So it was quite a weird time because obviously the TV studios sort of shut down and I was doing a lot of things on Zoom, and then of course I lost all my DJ gigs overnight with lockdown because there wasn’t any. So then when lockdown lifted and I had Alfie I had to kind of like find my feet again in like a double sense of the word. And I felt this huge pressure to go back to everything really quickly because I’d already not worked for over a year. So I did feel pressure on myself more than anything, I guess, but I wanted to be back DJing. I wanted to see people dancing again, I wanted to be able to do what I loved and also I think it really hit me when the lockdown was lifted that everyone else’s world kind of went back to normal, but I didn’t recognise my world anymore. So, yeah, I think the transition was really hard. 

So when I had Ada, one thing I was quite certain about – which I think people can be quite judgmental of –  is that I was going back to work straight away, and obviously I’m very lucky in this industry, that that can be accommodated. So Ada has been to the Ministry of Sound, she went to all my fashion brand DJ gigs, and she was there with Dyson headphones on when I was digging for Dyson. She came to Steph’s Packed lunch back when I was doing that up in Leeds. So we’d get the train together, and obviously the great thing about the Doona is that it’s so easy to transport her anywhere. We would stay in the Holiday Inn, doing the TV shows. So she came with me everywhere for the first six months and then after that, I had her in full-time childcare, which again lots of people are quite judgemental of, especially given that she was six months old. But I think there’s no such thing as Dad guilt, and we never shame Dad’s for going back to work and especially in this climate where not all Mum’s want to work, but a lot of Mums need to work. And actually, she was in the best place for her and I was in the best place for me and I really think it has made me a better mum because I get to do what I love and get to be a Mum as well.”

What do you think the hardest thing about being a working parent is, especially as your career is rapidly growing, and going from strength to strength? 

“I think there’s quite a cliche quote where it says something like, ‘You have to work as if you don’t have children and have children like you don’t have a job’, and It does feel like you’ve got two full time jobs that run side by side, but you’re not allowed to tell the other one about the other!  So you find yourself trying to show that, when you’re at work – you’re at work, and that role doesn’t care really if you’ve been up all night, or that your kids sick or, about any of the things that you’re facing, because even if they’re in childcare, like the work doesn’t stop! Even if that thinking, ‘Oh, I need to get them some new clothes’, or ‘I need to book their vaccinations’ – which you can only do during office hours –  so you know all that maternal mental load that you carry around is still there. And equally then when you’re at home, your kids don’t care if you’ve got any work to do. Obviously, a lot of my jobs are on Instagram, and if I have to post at a certain time and that happens to be bedtime, my kids don’t understand, I can’t say ‘Sorry Mum’s just got work quickly’, they want your full attention and of course, they deserve your full attention. So it’s trying to find that almost impossible balance within that juggle. And what I find really hard is I think there’s a lot more expectation on the Mums, like there’s an almost impossible expectation and pressure. For example, if I’m ever out, the first thing people will say is,  ‘Who’s looking after the kids?’ whereas no one would ever ask Tommy that, and actually he went away for work for a whole week to LA and not a single person asked him who had the kids. So I think, you know, I feel very lucky that I’m in a very 50/50 relationship in terms of our co-parenting, but I don’t think personally that it can never be 50/50 because societal expectation is all on the Mums and we judged mums that stay at home, we judge mums for going back to work, we judged mums really for anything, which is why I always say that you may as well find your own lane and feel comfortable and confident in that. And if that’s what you want to be a stay at home mum, then I take my hat off to you, because I think it’s the hardest thing in the world. I think stay at home Mums don’t get enough credit. But if you want to be a working Mum, or if you want to do both, whatever it is, I think as a society we need to hold Mums in much more esteem, and give them a bit of a break. 

Ashley James images by Tom Pitfield © BROOD Magazine

Do you think that’s why Mum’s feel so much ‘Mum guilt’ and is it something that you have experienced? 

“I’m going to say I actually don’t feel Mum guilt. I never feel mum guilt. And it’s funny because I think that’s always what people say when you are working, ‘Oh you must feel really guilty?’, but it’s like, well, no, I don’t because I get to do what I love and I get to be a mum. I know that if I was at home all the time with them, I would find it so overstimulating.

I could go into a talk at Parliament, I could go on live TV on This Morning and you know, talk about news topics that I only found out about 5 minutes before and I would find it all a lot easier than being at home all the time, especially with a three and a one year old, because I feel like they both love danger and want to kill themselves in separate places [she laughs] so I find out next to impossible. So I don’t feel guilty about pulling in resources and getting to go to work and as we’ve said there is no such thing as Dad guilt, so I don’t think we should have to feel guilty either.

Has there been anything in particular that you have found especially challenging?

“What I do find really hard though, is that, if you’re lucky, you get a year maternity leave, but I was self-employed so technically I was very lucky, but I didn’t get that maternity leave. And I mean I was lucky in the sense that I got to take Ada with me, but what I did find hard was that I ended up breastfeeding Alf for a year and Ada for 15 months, and I didn’t really have a plan with feeding, that’s just how it happened and that was the option that was easiest for me, Alf didn’t even take a bottle, but there is kind of this expectation that when you first have the baby, you sort of get six weeks where people are very kind to you and they kind of they know that you’re occupied, but then I feel like the patience runs out, people kind of expect you to be able to go out and to be able to do all the things that you were doing before. You kind of hear things like, ‘I hope you’re not going to be one of those Mums who only talks about their kids’ and I found myself when I was 8 months in with the perception that lots of other mums (who had given birth at a similar time to me), had got their normal life back because, they were able to share feeds or give the baby a bottle, therefore they can have babysitters and I did feel a real sense of frustration or loneliness and isolation that my body was still the source of food and it was really hard to navigate that. Obviously, retrospectively, you’re like, it’s just a year it doesn’t matter, but I feel like society doesn’t even give you that time and it doesn’t kind of have much empathy, because if you said it out loud you would just be met with well give them a bottle then, and obviously it’s not that simple. I don’t know, I just think feeding in general is such a sadly controversial thing no matter how you feed and I think it’s just a shame that we don’t support people no matter which way they choose to feed.”

Have you ever had what we call a BROOD moment where your career and parenthood collide?

“Yes, it was when Alf was a baby, I was a new mum and I was battling identity struggles and I was paranoid I’d never work again, because I’d be written off as just a mum. So when Jeremy Vine invited me back on his show, I jumped at the chance! It was a chance to still be me, not Ashley the mum, just Ashley. But the problem was the logistics as Alfie was only six-month-old, he was still breastfeeding and wouldn’t take a bottle. So Tommy took a day’s holiday and said he would sit with Alfie in the green room, provided he wouldn’t have to be on camera. He wanted to support my career. But I was still scared that Alf would need me as he was a big baby and fed regularly, plus it had been lockdown, so I’d never really been away from him. The production team were amazing and they promised me if he needed me, we’d make it work. Things were going smoothly until Alf had a huge poo explosion all over my dress moments before I went live! Jeremy asked if we could introduce him to everyone on air, and whilst we were talking, Alf started to want to feed. At first, I panicked, but then my maternal instinct kicked in, and I thought his hunger was more important than anything else. Initially, I was gutted that it had happened as I wanted to be Ashley the professional, not Ashley the mum, and now I was being Ashley the mum on TV. I came off the show to so many comments about how I was attention-seeking, and it struck me as strange that I’d want attention, or that it was even worthy of something you do for attention. Feeding a baby should be unremarkable. But then I realised that’s why it’s so important to normalise breastfeeding, to fight against the hypersexualisation of boobs, and the stigma of feeding a baby in public, and to show the reality of juggling motherhood and a career. And now I’m actually really proud to have breastfed on TV!”

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Sitting Is The New Smoking

Putting aside that perhaps I was a bit of a dinosaur, research has shown that working from home offers several health benefits, which can positively impact both physical and mental well-being.

These include: –

The potential for better nutrition intake

Improved sleep

Increased physical activity (hmmm I’m not so sure about this)

A comfortable work environment

Reduced stress due to less commute time

Better work-life balance

Increased productivity

More family time

Ability to take breaks as needed

Decreased social anxiety

As is often the case however, there is also counter research that has stated that whilst working from home does offer many benefits, it can also present several challenges and potential negative effects on both physical and mental health.

Some of these include:

An increased sedentary lifestyle (let’s talk a little more about this)

Poor ergonomics (and this!)

Increased screen time leading to digital eye strain/computer vision syndrome, headaches, blurred vision, and dry eyes

Isolation and loneliness

Stress and burnout

Presenteeism

Distractions and lack of focus

Reduced social interaction

Communication challenges

Technology issues

Lack of access to resources

Potential for decreased professional development

I must state that the purpose of this article is not to sway opinion on whether I believe that working from home is a good or bad thing or should or shouldn’t happen. I am also as always certainly not here to judge.

What I do personally believe (whether this is caused by increased working from home or not) is that quite simply we are moving less than we ever have, and spending more time sat on our lovely backsides than we also ever have.  Both our movement volume and movement quality are at an all-time low. When given the choice whether to jump in a lift or on an escalator or take the stairs, data from the USA states that only 2% of people will take the stairs (Easter., 2021).  This is backed by further research showing that we exercise 14 x less than our ancestors – who moved fast for 2 hours daily (O’Keefe et al., 2010).  For context, we’re living in a world where some people don’t even go to collect their take aways anymore!!  It’s a slippery slope, it’s only getting worse, and this is causing major problems to both our physical and mental health.  So much so, that statistically, the links to long-term sitting down and poor health issues show that:

SITTING IS THE NEW SMOKING.

Yes, you read that right.

And that is frightening.

Long-term sitting down is now linked to more chronic illness and ill health such as heart disease, lung disease, diabetes etc than smoking is.

• People who spend more than 6 hours per day sitting with low levels of physical activity have a 71% increase in mortality rate.

• Sitting for more than 7 hours daily increases the risk of depression by 47% compared to those who only sit for 4 hours a day or less.

(Chau et al., 2013)

• A sedentary lifestyle can increase the risk of developing Alzheimer’s by up to 12 times.

(Yan et al., 2020)

And I could carry on.

Whether you like it or not, or even realise it or not, long-term sitting down is destroying your health, is ruining your body, and the decline is frightening and dramatic especially as each year passes by. 

With reduced physical mobility you get higher rates of disease, as well as increases in disability, hospitalization, and an early visit to your maker – the data shows that society is literally sitting itself to death!!!

From a musculoskeletal perspective, the damage is extremely evident.  Recent studies show that we have less mobility and range of motion in our joints than we ever have, and this is playing havoc and causing increased pain in our back, hips, shoulders and knee joints.  It’s causing increased sarcopenia (muscle and strength loss), and again it only gets worse with age. 

Poor levels of mobility are also directly linked to low levels of performance.  With poor mobility, you will perform worse in the gym, in your sports, and in the workplace.  Your body will overwork potentially leading to fatigue and or injury.  Basically put, in every area, you will have a poorer quality of life.

Now I’m sorry to be all doom and gloom.

But we must accept that this part of our lifestyle is doing us no favours at all.  The good news, however, is that you can do something about it, and you must start getting yourself moving more today to undo this. 

Because, as the saying goes: –

Movement is medicine.

I can testify to this as I have personal experience of the damage that too much sitting and a lack of the correct and specific movements each day can cause. This is not because of the thousands of clients I have worked with, from beginner right through to elite athlete.  This is a journey I am all too familiar with.  You see, due to Covid-19 a lot more of my work and daily life had transferred to Zoom and being sat on my laptop.  Meetings and seminars that were in person went virtual, face to face coaching sessions where I would often take clients walking and in the outdoors were exchanged for the screen, and I spent far more time sitting down than I ever had.  After ignoring some warning signs, I developed a pretty serious injury in my lower back and was diagnosed that I had ‘slipped a disc’.

I don’t mind telling you, it was absolute agony.

Basic functions such as walking a few steps, tying my shoelaces, picking my bag up off the floor and even going to the toilet (!!!) were almost impossible.  They were extremely painful if nothing else.  Whilst of course these things can occasionally happen, I’d love to tell you that my injury and subsequent severe pain couldn’t have been avoided, but it’s likely that it could.  You see I was aware that my posture and overall mobility had been poor for a number of years, and I was also aware that this was causing me discomfort at times in my life.  But it ‘wasn’t too bad’, so if I’m honest, I ignored it. 

Slowly and steadily, I had developed what is known as ‘Lower Crossed Syndrome’.   This presents as having an anterior (forward) pelvic tilt, tightness in the hip flexors, and weakness in the gluteal muscles (Sahu & Phansopkar., 2021). I suppose you could say that my arch in my back was noticeable, and my posture looked a little bit like a duck!!  And you guessed it, this condition is caused by inactivity, too much sitting down, and is linked and known to cause pain in a variety of areas, especially chronic and intense pain in the lower back!  Sadly, the statistics show that Lower Crossed Syndrome, the symptoms of this, the pain especially in the lower back, and the posture this makes your body look like (duck posture) may be familiar to some of you?

So, what must you do about it??

A quick Google search about tips to counterbalance increased inactivity and too much sitting down will tell you to:

• Stay active
• Maintain a routine
• Eat healthy
• Get your 10,000 steps in each day etc.

And all of that is absolutely correct.  But you must go further and focus on specific work to improve your mobility, posture, and undo the effects of inactivity and long-term sitting. This work can be a little painful,** it can most certainly be boring, but you must make it a priority and do it every single day.  It’s also likely that you will do this work for the rest of your life.

You should work on all joints and muscles within your body, however a saying I came across many years ago is that “the hips are the bully of the body” and this is true with your mobility.  You must target the hips, in particularly the psoas major (known as hip flexors) and work on them directly.  When tightened the psoas muscles begin to “bully” other areas of the body.  The pelvis tilts forwards, your core strength is reduced, your glute strength is reduced, the discs in the lower back are compressed amongst other things, and the journey towards being in pain begins.

Stretching alone will not do the trick to fix you.  You must attend and perform Pilates based exercises, and include strengthening exercises such as glute bridges, with rear elevated split squats being the leading exercise to reverse these negative effects.  Remember, you should perform these under supervision if you have not done them previously.

The final challenge is your focusing on your mindset.  Being in pain is debilitating and can affect your mood, and you must be aware of this.  Again, remember that movement is medicine.  Make a commitment to start and end your day with some mobility and strength-based work, and you will soon start to feel much better both physically and mentally.  I’ve already mentioned that the corrective movements and exercises can be boring and will often provide very minimal instant reward or muscular feedback (they often hurt, and you don’t always get that ‘pump’ or training high).  Being aware of this will help.  Instead of seeking the short-term pleasure ‘feeling’ associated with training, commit to a personal code of completing your mobility and postural based exercises every day whether you feel like it or not.  Focus on the long-term gains, instead of the short-term quick fixes and commit to intentional and correctional movements every day.

Get out of the chair, and off the sofa. Mobilise the tight areas in your body and strengthen the weaker areas.  Every day, prioritise the micro tasks that are so effective such as sitting on the floor, on an exercise ball, on in a deep squat position as often as you can. 

Be mindful of the stories you tell yourself, about yourself. You are not lacking in mobility or strength because of age, or because you are ‘getting older’.  It is not a done deal, and it is not too late.  Your body is tight, weak and in pain because you are not doing enough of what your body is designed to do, and that is purposeful and intentional movement each and every day.

It’s time to take responsibility for this and it’s time to change. 

So that with the gift of age, you will not just ‘cope’ or survive, but instead, physically and mentally, you will thrive.

Best wishes.

Ric

 *Always consult a qualified physician or doctor before participating in any form of physical activity.

MORE FROM BROOD:

Jorgie Porter, Ollie Piotrowski and their son Forest. Image by Tom Pitfield for BROOD Magazine Limited © Jorgie Hair Wrap: Hair Made Easi

Jorgie Porter and Ollie Piotrowski. Image by Tom Pitfield for BROOD Magazine Limited ©

One of the biggest topics of discussion for Jorgie & Ollie whilst recording Drama Queens centred around childcare for Forest and the importance of each of their individual careers – the type of conversation that all BROOD readers understand all too well. Following the announcement that Jorgie and Ollie will be adding a new addition to their brood later this year, we sat down with them to hear how they currently manage the struggle of the juggle and how they each got to where they are today. 

Alfie was at school when we came to do the photoshoot at the couple’s stunning family home, and in true BROOD style little Forest fell asleep just as we started taking the pictures, so after Ollie put down Forest for a much-needed nap, and Jorgie had a quick pregnancy snack, we sat down with the inspiring and down to earth couple to chat all things career and parenthood. 

What advice would you give to fellow parents who are chasing their career dreams whilst also juggling parenthood?

Ollie – “Compromise, you’ve got to find a way to compromise.”

Jorgie – “Yeah, Ollie is really good at stuff like this. He always seems to know when I need rest, I think because when you’re pregnant and growing a baby, whilst looking after a baby you can’t do it all and end up moaning and getting emotional, but Ollie realises that I just need a rest.”

Ollie – “Yeah nothing is perfect, so you’ve to try and focus on your career whilst also trying to make the most of bringing up your kids. It is difficult, but it is achievable.”

Jorgie – “Yeah, what you’re really good at is coming home, and switching off and being a Dad, and actually giving that time to the children.”

Is that something you find easy to do though, as it’s not easy to switch off when you run a business and you run a few businesses? 

Ollie – “No, secretly it’s difficult to switch off but your kids are the best things in the world aren’t they so that overrides any feeling of stress…and then as soon as they go to bed the stress comes back!” [We all laugh] “It’s the only thing that I would say distracts me from the stresses that can come from running a business”

 What has been your career highlight to date?

Jorgie – “I’ve been so lucky to do so many incredible things, meet so many amazing people on loads of jobs. But I’d have to say that because when I was growing up as a kid, like a young little ballerina wannabe, aspirational sort of everything I wanted to be was a ballet dancer on a stage and I managed to do ballet dancing on West End stage in Fame the Musical and that I think has always been a lifelong dream as a child and I sort of look back at myself as a kid going, aww she’d be really proud of me right now.”

Ollie – “If I’m honest, I think it’s massively underrated to just celebrate growth. I am proud to have a group of companies that to date have stood the test of time, and have lasted over ten years – We’ve navigated through some tough times – Brexit, COVID, inflation and a recession!”

What was the most challenging time in your life, and how did you navigate your work life at that time?

Ollie – “In the early days of Pinnacle after a long battle I lost my best friend, Josh, to cancer –  I channelled my grief into a way to keep pushing forward as I knew he was my number one supporter. Josh, was the only one who supported me in the concept of setting up the investment and developing the company when everyone else was telling me to work for a company. I channelled my grief into a way to keep pushing forward as I knew he was my number one supporter. At the same time, I had just had my first child and was a single parent from birth with Alfie. This in itself was a super difficult balancing act! To this day if I think of anything Pinnacle related it brings me back to Josh.”

Jorgie – “I think for me, it was when I moved to America. I was so brave and so sort of strong, I think going out there on my own. I lived there for four years back and forth, and I just did everything I needed to do, except the end goal which was to get a job. The only thing I needed to do was work and it didn’t happen. It was such hard work and I really struggled. Then I realised that actually everything I needed and everything I want is back in England. I could have kept trying in America and carrying on, but I just think I would have really, really struggled a lot and so I think that was really challenging and also I was just sort of living off my savings and then I kind of had to come back and I was able to then come back to Hollyoaks which was really really good and I’m just so grateful that I was able to come back to work after that.

So really I didn’t have a work life when I lived in America, I just kind of just spent money like it was Gonna be there and it wasn’t and so I think that was when I was like, oh right This is this way. I’ve got to really come back and work hard and save money again, and that’s what I had to do.”

What is your favourite thing about being a parent?

Ollie – “No matter what is going on in the outside world or what has happened both good or bad in business your children don’t really care. You close the door and it’s a feeling of pure love. They just want you as their Daddy to play, cuddle, be silly and feed them!”

Jorgie – “I actually didn’t think being a parent would be this good. I genuinely, you just get, like when you see him just flourish a bit or do something new or he’ll learn a new word or all of a sudden he’ll do something and you’ll be like where have you learnt that from? It’s like the biggest shock and the biggest surprise and also that when he’s so happy doing something you get really happy. I think, honestly I am so shocked every day how much I love it about being a parent. I am obsessed with Forest. I actually can’t wait for this other baby to come into our life and I think, I think yeah it’s just the surprises that come with it. I even don’t mind waking up early, which I absolutely can’t do, but when he wakes up laughing and he’s saying Mummy I think aww okay yeah. So he’s changed my life a lot and the little things I do and also just like putting a little human being first before you is kind of like new and actually really just gives you that, I don’t know it gives you that sort of need for living, like you kind of now have a different like reason to live. It sounds deep doesn’t it when you ask these questions but it really is truly that awesome and that great.”

Do you hope that watching you both follow your career dreams will inspire your children to do the same?

Ollie – “Both me and Jorgie left home very young. 16, for me! So I want them to feel they can aspire to be anything. I think the world is programmed to put people in boxes and follow the narrative – education until 18/uni or work/house/mortgage/car/debt/pension…… I want my children to understand that they can create their own narrative and have a safe home to build the foundations from if they need.”

Jorgie – “Yeah, I really really do hope that this is a thing, I’ve always worked since I was a kid like I think from the age of 14 I was working in the hairdressers I just hope that our kids will be like right we need to work in order to sort of you know get somewhere I also hope that they see that we enjoy work I want them to have a job where they can go I’ll actually I actually like going to work and I hope that you know we give that inspiration of working hard you then have the side of you can have a great life so I yeah I really do think it’s important that they will sort of see how important work is but also to enjoy it is my sort of thing is because I laugh every day at work and so I hope they do too.”

Have you ever had a BROOD moment where work and parenthood collide?

Ollie – “A BROOD moment we had was when we went to Spain, and we were only going for 48 hours as Jorge was doing some work and Forest got really ill and we couldn’t get home, but Jorgie was filming the next day.” 

Jorgie “ Oh yeah, we couldn’t have taken him on the plane he was literally going through 7-8 nappies an hour! It was the poorliest he’s ever been, but I had work the next day and it’s one of those things where you have to phone work and tell them and I wanted to film it to show them, to prove that it was actually happening, because you just think no one will ever get it! So we had to just make a decision not to get on the flight.” 

Ollie – “We were full of anxiety, thinking we’ve got to get on a plane and he’s screaming and you know what everyone is like on a plane.”

Jorgie – “Yeah, he still wasn’t happy the next day, but there was no way we could get on that first plane!” 

Ollie – “Another one is when we went out shopping for the first time after he was born, and we went to Selfridges and he had that poonami!”    

Jorgie – “Oh the Poonami! That was definitely one of those things that happen that nobody warns you about! [She laughs] He needed feeding so I took him to the toilet, and Ollie was outside somewhere, and I decided to change his nappy…and he just started pooing everywhere, but then because he was so hungry he needed feeding, so I just fed him without a nappy on and he just poonamied down my tights, my clothes, everywhere! And I was trying to phone Ollie…” 

Ollie – “But she had no signal, so I was thinking what the hell is she doing inside this bathroom! [We all laugh] I felt like I looked really weird lingering around outside the toilets.”

Jorgie – “And I was inside laughing hysterically – because what can you do! [We continue laughing] 

Ollie – “Yeah, our first time out shopping with him” 

Jorgie – “I don’t even know if we had another outfit for him!” 

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Ryan T Williams and his family by Tom Pitfield © BROOD Magazine

Ryan T Williams Book is out November 2024

After achieving such huge success in business, what drives you to keep going now?

“I’m not ready for the golf course! In all seriousness, I am 35 now and still have that massive desire to want more. There is a reason entrepreneurs become serial entrepreneurs and that’s because of the mindset we have. Selling a successful business isn’t like a lucky lottery win, it’s the result of years of graft and hard work. Once you do it once you get the hunger to do it again. It sounds cliche but success breeds success. Success can always be the result of failure too, some of the best entrepreneurs in the world have had massive failures but never let it derail them. Dust yourself off and go again” 

When you are asked to attend talks and motivational speeches do you try to provide ‘takeaways’ for fellow business owners that can help them improve their business or mindset?

“Yes, there is a lot I like to leave people feeling inspired. One thing I pride myself on is being a completely normal guy. I went from a 9-5 IT job to selling my business for a multi-million deal. Whilst there were years of graft involved in that my overarching theme is always “If I can do it why can’t you?” if only one person leaves my talks feeling like I have done my job. Also when I’m speaking to younger students/university leavers etc about business I really enjoy inspiring them at a young age. I was lost at school and college and I ironically HATED business studies. If someone with my story could encourage the new generation of business owners then that would make me so so proud!”

Has becoming a Dad changed the way you want to run a business and your definition of success?

“When my eldest daughter was born I started to play with Twitter as a hobby in 2013. Then in 2016 I went full-time on the business then we had Mia! So having two kids under 4 really drove me to succeed. One of the big reasons I took the exit though was to spend more time with them and make memories. I enjoy being there for them when I am needed, I’m a very hands-on dad! They won’t be young forever so I am loving making the most of it. Success to me is being able to provide for my family and giving them the best time and opportunities they can get.”

Do you think watching you run your own business inspires your girls? And how do you encourage them to believe in their dreams?

I hope they do. They probably take for granted just how about I am but I know my eldest is starting to understand it now. I encourage them to believe in their dreams like I do all young people, try and focus on something you enjoy and see where it takes you. You’re going to be working probably for 50+ years of your life so pick something you’re going to like doing! Same with their hobbies, do it whilst you enjoy it but don’t be afraid to try new things.

Ryan is regularly found telling his story on stage. He talks about building brands from the ground up, and challenges he’s faced along the way – and is an avid campaigner for reshaping curriculums for young, future leaders. Ryan takes a lot of joy in giving back to fellow business owners where he can, so we asked him to share his top tips for people in business – turn the page to check them out!

• Ryan is regularly found telling his story on stages.
  He talks building publishing brands from the ground up, challenges he’s faced along the way – and is an avid campaigner for reshaping curriculums for young, future leaders.
  
• And is giving back through mentorship and coaching.
  From sitting with leadership teams to discuss their goals and how to get there, to sharing his journey with future business leaders, Ryan takes a lot of joy in giving back to the media world.

DIARY OF A DADPRENEUR: Ryan’s UPDATE

Well since the last edition I featured in its safe to say it’s not been dull! I’ve learnt to never ever fly anywhere on April fool’s day. On 1^st April myself my wife Jenna and the two kids flew to Tenerife to go to our favourite resort and hotel the GF Victoria in Playa Del Duque but it quickly all went very wrong. From landing I felt really feverish and had a tight chest, I went to the local GP pharmacist who prescribed me antibiotics and a good night’s rest after travelling. Well, that good night’s rest didn’t happen, the cough I developed was frightening and kept the whole family up ALL night. I decided the next day I would be Ok I just needed to “sleep it off on the sunbed”. This didn’t happen and I got worse, after trying to go for a walk for our evening meal and suddenly feeling like I couldn’t breathe I realised things weren’t right. I went down to the hotel reception and they immediately rang a taxi and told me to go to their local A and E. Long story short and after what felt like an eternity on the phone to the insurance company and one emergency X-ray later, I got admitted with.. PNEUMONIA. Yes, that’s right, fit 34-year-old me being admitted with a lung infection on a luxury family holiday. I was admitted Tuesday night and not discharged till Friday. It was horrendous to say the least. It took weeks to recover from as well when I finally got home. I feel like April and most of May were an absolute write off. It made me realise one massive thing though, it doesn’t matter where you are in the world, if you aren’t with your family its pointless. I was 8 miles away in a hospital bed in quarantine and couldn’t see my children or wife Jenna all week. It was absolutely dreadful and one of the most heartbreaking experiences I’ve been through.

Once home though I managed to dose myself up for BROOD Live and really enjoyed giving a talk to the amazing brood family and friends. The contacts I have made since this event have been absolutely priceless. If you get chance to go to the next one.. GO

On the work front I am continuing the keynote talks to students, businesses as well as providing 1 to 1 coaching for other entrepreneurs on various fronts from social media to business. It’s something I am really enjoying doing.

** EXCLUSIVE KLAXON** A massive announcement I can make here is I am finally writing my book! There’s lots more details to come but this is the first place I am giving this news out. It’s going to be all about my business journey and career of how I went from 9-5 IT guy to multi-million-pound entrepreneur, but it’s not just another business autobiography oh no.. There’s a twist but all will be revealed..

Buy Ryan’s book on Amazon here

Learn more about his services on his website: Ryan T Williams – Speaker, Advisor, Mentor from Greater Manchester

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10 ALTERNATIVE WAYS YOU CAN LEVEL UP YOUR PERFORMANCE

What are the ‘other things’ should we be working on to be the best version of ourselves?

Here are ten things you can implement into your life, that I believe if you follow, will level up all areas of your performance.

Take responsibility

No fitness training, mindset or personal development programme can provide you with a magic solution to change your life. You must take responsibility for it, and that starts with accepting where you are at. Then you need to put some work in, a lot of hard work in fact. Nothing in life comes easy. You are required to take responsibility for your progress or your lack of.

I call this ‘passing your mirror test’.

Be aware of your environment

There is a famous belief that you become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with and I believe this is most definitely true.

When embarking on a new challenge or trying to perform tasks consistently and with utmost dedication, having positive support systems in place can be a significant aspect of what you’re trying to achieve. Having people around you who will support you through your challenges can only increase your chances of success.

On the other end of the scale, having people around you who try to sabotage your efforts (without them always realising they are) can be a real test of your progress.

It’s simple – hang around with people who will support you on your journey.

Be Patient

Too many people try to run before they can walk. Take care of your foundations as a priority. This can take a little time, but once this is achieved, everything else will follow and fall into place much quicker and easier. This will give you the platform to achieve the performance goals you have set, and then to go on to surpass them.

Do not cut corners or take shortcuts, because long-term success and increased overall performance simply don’t work this way. You must start right at the beginning and be patient. If you don’t build your house on strong foundations then you will pay the price, and it is usually a high price to pay.

Develop self-mastery

You must become aware of, and gain control of your emotions.

This is extremely important as our emotions can influence our thoughts and our thoughts can influence our behaviours.

How you behave and the actions you take each day will directly affect the results you achieve. These thoughts can either be your best friend, or your greatest enemy – the choice of which is yours.

Like many things, the first step in achieving mastery is developing awareness. Then it’s the same principle, you must do the reps and practice.

“If you don’t learn how to control your thoughts, you will never control your behaviour” – Joyce Meyer

Build a foundation of health

You must develop strong foundations by making your health a priority.

You must provide your body with the correct amount of nutrition, hydration, and sleep to be able to thrive. This means making the correct food choices, drinking lots of water, and ensuring you gain adequate sleep and rest to fuel both your body and mind.

Understanding all of this is very important for you as the most powerful Formula One car, fighter jet or space rocket cannot perform without the correct fuel, care and maintenance, and your body and mind are exactly the same.

Whilst things such as deprivation-based ‘diets’ are a waste of time, eating healthily, staying hydrated, sleeping well, and taking good care of yourself are not.

Take care of yourself first and foremost and everything else will follow.

Be a student of your game

You do not have to become a graduate in sports science or a nutrition expert anytime soon, but you must understand the fundamental basics required to improve your performance.

● Why are you thinking the thoughts that are running through your mind?
● What muscles you are working during your exercise?
● What are the deeper effects that unhealthy lifestyle habits and choices are having on my body and mind?

This knowledge will also help you create and stick to ongoing daily habits – the true key to success in anything.

Build a body for purpose

We all want a body that looks good – but this is useless if it does not perform correctly.

You must train like your body is your biggest and best asset.

Because it is.

Train like your life depends on it.

Because one day it might.

Our bodies are designed to move – every day.

We are designed to run (really fast), jump, push, pull and bend, and the main fundamental reason for this is so that we could hunt our food and therefore survive. We are not designed to be sat in a chair, playing a games console, typing on a computer, driving a car, or with a mobile phone stuck between our ear and shoulder for hours on end.

All these mundane (and mostly seated) activities are physically and mentally breaking us down. We are physically and mentally unfit, disconnected, lower in confidence, increasingly anxious and less sociable. This is not the way it is supposed to be, and it must change.

The old saying goes that ‘the definition of insanity is to do the same things and expect a different result’.

Therefore, you have to get your body to do what it was designed to do.

You must go back to basics and move your body in an athletic manner.

Do this every day – it’s what I call ‘a daily sweat’.

Develop resilience to win

Life is tough.

Therefore, you must develop the mental and physical strength to cope and push forward.

Remember that there is no growth in comfort.

Sticking within your comfort zone is only going to lead you to a life of mediocrity. You know the things you’re scared of? Write them down, and go do them one by one. That conversation you are putting off having, face it up.

Be around people who challenge you and will tell you the truth. As the old saying goes ‘the truth hurts’, but some pain and discomfort is good for you.

Your progress in your health and fitness, in business, or in any area of your life is found by doing the things you really don’t want to do.

Have a ‘Deadline Mindset’ ©

Everybody knows that person or multiple persons who talk a good game. Or the person who is brilliant at making plans but never actually follows through with them.

With that in mind remember that this article is absolutely useless unless you get up off you’re a*** and take action.

Action is better than thoughts, vibrations, hopes and dreams, every day of the week. So instead of talking about it, get it done, every single day.

Remember – you are only as good as the results that you post on the board.

Share

Share your wins with others.

Share your learnings with others.

Share friendship and positivity.

You just never know the positive effect you have on people.

Share because it’s about being a good person and the right thing to do.

And also, because the universe, as well as the people in your life, will thank you for it.

Share these previous key points with the people who matter most in your life. This will reinforce them in your mind and assist your progress and just might give somebody the boost that they need.

I’m certain they will be grateful, and you can help each other along your respective performance journeys.

So, there you have it.

Focusing on these 10 areas will allow you to achieve performance levels and success within your life that you previously may have thought was not possible. Most importantly you will finally fulfil your potential and explode the results that you can achieve.

So, stop reading, and get on with it.

Ric

MORE FROM BROOD:

Danielle Nicholls, Dean Holden and four of their children © BROOD Magazine

Danielle and Dean bravely opened up about how they managed to keep going through the unimaginable heartbreak; the emotional scars they were left with; how they stayed together despite the statistics being stacked against them; how they welcomed another two wonderful children, Mitzy and Chase, into their family, and how against all odds they continued to build an incredible life for themselves and their children – continually honouring the memory of their beautiful baby girl, Cici, along the way.

You’ll find it hard to find a more inspirational couple. Their outlook on life and how they strive to achieve their goals for themselves and their children would motivate anyone.

Danielle Nicholls, Dean Holden and four of their children © BROOD Magazine

You both had successful careers when you first started a family, how did that look and how did you manage that?   

Dean – “Because of our careers things have always been a bit chaotic, and we’ve always had to commute lots. When we got married I was playing for Peterborough, so I was commuting there half the week from our home in Manchester, and Danielle was travelling throughout the week to London, Birmingham etc.”

Danielle – “I was progressing in my career at the time. I had moved away from Children’s TV and I was doing bits on This Morning and Tricia, and I was also presenting Night Fever on Channel 5. I was still working when I was heavily pregnant with our first child Joey. Then New Years Eve – the tree was still up – and I was ready to pop, Dean comes home from training at Peterborough and says we’re moving to Scotland!”

Dean – “Yes, she was 8 months pregnant, it was the night before a match, and my manager knocked on the door and said, the Scottish Premier League are coming for you, you’re free to talk to them.”

Danielle – “I’ve never been as angry in my life! [she laughs] You know what it’s like with your first baby you plan everything to a tee, then the next thing you know I was packing up the whole house with my sister and brother in law, and we were on our way to Scotland!”

Dean – “Then 18 months after Joey was born we had Ellis, and it wasn’t long after he was born that we moved back to Manchester.”

Danielle – “Yes, and I loved my boys, but I remember thinking I’m way too girly to have boys, I need a girl! [she laughs] So a couple of years later, we tried again, and we were so lucky to get our little princess, Cici. I said, ‘we’ve two boys and a girl. We’re done now!’ We were happy with that. Then when the boys were starting school and Cici was nearly 18 months old, I decided that I was ready to go back to work. Dean was playing for Shrewsbury, we had Media City on our doorstep and we were back in Manchester with our family. So it just felt like the right time.

So I had a meeting with a producer at the BBC, and we were in talks for me to do some work on BBC Bitesize, to get me back into things again. Which was great, but I said well I’m going on holiday next week and he said, ‘You go on your holidays, and I’ll see you when you get back.’ Of course that didn’t happen because Cici died on that holiday.”

I can’t even begin to imagine how devastating the loss of Cici was and how traumatic that was for you all as a family. 

Danielle – “It sounds silly, but I’ve always been quite a spiritual person and I used to get my palm read and they would always say I had a split lifeline. And remember one lady saying, ‘You’re going to really change; you’re going to be one person and then you’re going to be another person.’ And it always puzzled me, but now I know exactly what she means. Because, I don’t think either of us will ever be the same as we were before Cici died. We actually talk about the ‘old Danielle and Dean’, as if they’re different people. Don’t we? [Turns to Dean] Because of what they went through…”

Dean – “…Yeah, we feel sorry for them.”

Danielle – “When I look back, you know, we had our two beautiful boys, our little princess – we didn’t have loads of money, because I had been a stay at home mum for a while – but we didn’t need the flash car and all the trimmings, all we needed was what we had right there.”

Dean – “I think one of the weirdest things was that although I’d just been released by Rochdale, it was the happiest we’d ever been.

And when we go on holiday, it’s chaotic. It always was chaos, every time! The taxi would turn up and we’d be racing round the house, and we would always get to the airport late!”

Danielle – “We’re never organised! We’re always last minute.”

Dean – “Yeah, but that was the strange thing, we were early that time. We were sitting having a brew in the living room, waiting for the taxi. Everything was really calm.”

Danielle – “He kept saying it’s all too smooth this.”

Dean – “And obviously, by the next morning in Lanzarote, Cici passed away. Now when anything is calm and organised with us, it makes me panicky and I start to worry, it’s like a trigger.”

Danielle – “Yes, we obviously both had PTSD after what happened. You know. The trauma of the speed of it. The upset. Being in a foreign country, it was just, I can’t put it into words. She just had a cold, or so we thought, you know. I can still remember her playing in the soft play area in Terminal 1. Everyone was laughing and smiling, looking at her, because she was running up and down carrying one of the soft play blocks over her head.

They’ve moved it now, but for the longest time could never ever go over that side of the airport, because that was the day before she died. You just can’t get your head around that.

I would rather live in the a scene of a horror movie everyday of my life, being chased by someone with a chainsaw or a machete, than to ever have to live that day ever again! It felt like we were in a horror movie.

I remember following the ambulance in a taxi – they wouldn’t let us in the ambulance, because they were trying to save her life. We just knew it was bad, didn’t we? [Turns to Dean] I think we left our body, when you’re that frightened you do just leave your body, because I can remember everything so vividly, yet it doesn’t feel like it was me.”

Dean – “I think for a long time after we just survived. Obviously you have to look after yourself to some extent because of our kids. And then the realisation hit us, that we didn’t want the kids to grow up with parents who are always sad. You know, we didn’t want them to think, they were ok until Cici died, but then they became alcoholics or they split up, etc, because the stats are against you and if you look at the internet in terms of that – it’s a bit of a scary place. So, we went the other way  and we made a decision to make a go of our lives.

For a long time we couldn’t have spoken about it like this, but the physiological work we’ve done is the reason we can. We’ve done all sorts of things to get here – for example, I’m a big fan of Wim Hof. To learn about your brain and how it deals with trauma is really helpful and now we are in a position where hopefully people can look at us 12 years on, and it gives people hope. Yes, we’ve got a tragic story, but we are still together. Although we have had our issues and it has been difficult at times, but we’re still here – together. We’re doing well in our careers, our kids are happy and healthy, so hopefully it provides some inspiration for others that may have experienced losing a child too, or another trauma.”

Danielle –  “Yes, that’s definitely what we hope we can do, because there is no point saying it doesn’t affect you. I feel like I was a ghost for ten years of my life, and just to be able to talk about the day was a huge step for me. I couldn’t ever talk about it, it would make me feel ill for a week afterwards.I had to have hypnotherapy and that doesn’t fix it, it just means you don’t emotionally go back there every time.” 

The pain you were suffering at that time must have been excruciating, did having the boys to look after help you to keep going?

Danielle – “Yes. If we didn’t have the boys, we wouldn’t be here now. After Cici died, just a few days after, we sat on the edge of a cliff, and we just looked at each other. We both knew what we were thinking, without saying a word to each other. If it wasn’t for knowing that our boys were back at the villa, [both Danielle and Dean become emotional]  I swear that neither of us would be here today. The pain was physical. It’s unimaginable. Unbearable.”

Dean, do you remember that first football match after Cici died?

Dean – “I didn’t have a club at the time, I was 33 years old, I didn’t have an agent and so I spent my summer ringing round clubs. Dean Smith at Walsall was my saviour. He was like our angel, because most managers would have said, you’re 33, you’ve had loads of injuries etc, and Dean said, ‘I’m really worried about your family situation’ – it was only a few weeks after Cici had died – and he said he couldn’t make a decision on it straight away. So I started doing meditation twice a day, going to see a psychologist, etc and he gave me an opportunity as a player/coach and I wouldn’t be in the game without him. And from then on I was just programmed to make him proud. And pre-season is ridiculously hard, any footballer will tell you that, so I had to focus. We hadn’t made anywhere near enough money for me to retire, it’s not like people may think. We had no savings, we lived day to day, so I had no choice, and I wasn’t prepared to lose my career, or my marriage, or for our family to suffer anymore, on top of losing my daughter. There was just something inside me, and I had to keep thinking this isn’t going to break us.

That’s obviously how I got into coaching, and now I’m a manager. I have always loved football, for as long as I can remember. Every memory as a kid involves football and I never thought I would love anything as much as I love playing football, but the manager eclipses that, I absolutely love it. When your team wins a match it’s a great feeling. I also think when you go into management and you’ve had experiences personally that you would never ever choose in a million years, it helps you to empathise in a way that the coaching courses can’t teach you.”

Danielle, at what point did you know that you needed to start working on your career again and how important do you think it has been for you?

Danielle – “It was covid. Dean had got a great manager’s job at Bristol, and I’m not going to lie I was a bit jealous, because he was off living the dream and because of covid there were a lot of restrictions and so most of the time I was at home with the children. And I had started doing online gaming, as a way of switching off, but also as a way of spending time and having fun with my teenage boys. Then my brother said we should start streaming and suppose that gave me a little taster, although it wasn’t what I wanted to do and then when the lockdowns hit I genuinely had a bit of a midlife crisis. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t know who I was anymore. It sounds so cliche, but I was suddenly like ‘I’m Dean’s wife, I’m the kids’ mum, but who am i?’ and I can remember my mum saying it when I was younger, but it’s so true. It turns out I was also going through perimenopause and it really is a difficult period in a woman’s life. On top of that I lost access to the support groups that had kept me going and I couldn’t go to the gym, or see friends and my mental health really started to suffer. And I got to the stage where I looked at Dean and my kids – and I’ve only ever loved my kids – but I just felt like I wanted to walk away from it all. Thankfully, because I had done so much work over the years, I found myself observing myself and thinking – what is going on here? I love being a mum, I love being a wife. I love my husband, I love my kids, what is wrong with me? But then it was almost like a phoenix from the flames moment, because sometimes when everything falls to shit, you should grab that moment, because that is your moment to reinvent yourself and that’s what I did! So I sorted out my hormones. I realised I had lost myself and I needed to do something about it.”

Dean – “Danielle getting her career back saved our marriage.”

What challenges did you face, in terms of getting back into the world of TV?

Danielle – “I met with an agent and she said ‘You’re on the wrong side of 40 love, you’ve got no chance, you won’t work in TV again!’

And I asked her how old she was. She said 52, and I said to her so the last 10 years have been non existent to you? And she replied by saying, ‘yes well I’ve never stopped working though, you can’t do what you’ve done and then just come back!’ Like it was a luxury, or choice! And I said, ‘I don’t expect to just waltz back in. And I also intended to come back to this years ago!’ But, with TV presenting you’ve got to give a part of you and I couldn’t sit there, putting a front on, knowing that inside I was still a big mess. So, I had to take that time to figure stuff out. Dean was my hero, [Danielle holds back the tears] because he never stopped working, he never took that time to heal – he didn’t get the chance because he had to support us and those kids, and I don’t know how he did it.”

Dean – “I was going to an event, near the shard in London, and Danielle came with me and she bumped into an old colleague from CITV, who was now working at Talk TV as a producer and he asked her if she wanted to come on the show the next day as a guest. And we were actually due to go on holiday the next day, but the opportunity was just what she needed so I went on holiday with kids on my own.”

Danielle – “People are reluctant to take a chance on you when you’ve not done anything for a while, but you can’t do anything until someone gives you a chance and Chuck, was my angel.”

Dean – “And now she’s got her own Saturday night show!” 

You both have an amazing drive to keep going towards your goals and dreams despite the challenges you may face? How do you maintain that level of motivation?

Dean – “The thing is nothing is handed to you on a plate. We grew up in Swinton in Manchester and we worked hard to get to somewhere in our careers and we want to instil that message into our kids. But you do get knocks, setbacks  along the way, like when I was playing for Bolton, Everton put a bid in for me, but on that same day I broke my leg. I lost a 1cm and a half off my leg bone. I was 19 and was never the same player again. I’ve broken my leg three times – and never had a free kick for any of them by the way [he laughs] and so I lost about 5 or 6 years of my career in the end. But, I made the most of my career, I played till I was 35, despite it not being the career I dreamt I would have had in football. The key to all of it, which I truly believe in my heart is when we found true gratitude and that takes a long time, but when you can wake up in the morning and go to sleep every night and just be grateful to the universe for what you’ve got, it’s a magical thing because it takes away all the feeling sorry for yourself. Cici was a blessing and for a long time I would have done anything to erase my memories because it was just so painful, I would have lost all the love and everything just to lose the pain, but now I can look at it differently.”

Danielle – “It’s so hard to wake up with a positive attitude when you’ve spent 10 years waking up to remember that your child has died. Every Chrsitmas, every birthday, someone is missing, and you learn to live with the sadness and the pain, but it never goes away. You never wake up being ok with the fact she’s gone, but wake up knowing it’s ok to carry on, that’s what you learn.”

Dean – “I got sacked three days ago, and that’s hard to deal with, but no pain will ever compare to what we’ve been through, so It’s just wasted oxygen feeling angry about stuff. Obviously when it happened, the first night I was upset and angry, and we talked it through. But,then I was like, right, how can I move forward, who can I surround myself with to get back in the business. I know that phone will ring and i’ll be back in the game.”

Danielle – “I think people need to talk more about what they’re going through. We’ve got our trauma yes, but I think most people are walking around harbouring some kind of trauma and we need to feel able to be more open about it. That’s why I love doing Talk TV, because they allow the discussions and the debates. People don’t need the portrayal of this perfect picture anymore. They need realness. People need to be able to talk about how hard it is trying to balance their careers alongside bringing up the kids, and to balance living with trauma and going through the knocks of life on top of that, and I feel lucky to be in the position that I can vocalise that.” 

Both of your careers have meant that you have had to split your time between London and Manchester recently. With all 4 children in school in Manchester how have you managed to juggle it all?

“It’s absolutely chaotic at times. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t completely shattered sometimes. But, it’s been a juggle. I’ve been so exhausted, but so content, so it’s completely worth it. Thankfully we’ve got good family and friends, who we know we can count on for support. Luckily we’re at a nice stage where the oldest is able to look after our youngest – only for short periods of time but he’s perfectly capable. The older ones are so good with the younger ones. And when the kids have to pitch in I say to them, we’re a family, we’re a team, we work together and if we all help each other we’ll all benefit in the long run. We are both doing what we love doing and that’s so important.”

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Ben Wilkinson, Karina Jadhav and their children  © Tom Pitfield Photography for BROOD Magazine

Karina Jadhav & Ben Wilkinson images © Tom Pitfield Photography for BROOD Magazine

“I’ve always been a massive perfectionist and since having children, I’ve had to try and let go of that. “

That must have been so tough, nothing is worse than seeing your child poorly, and on top of that your business had been your baby for so long it must have been very hard.

Karina – “Yes, in the past I would have been sending emails at 2am in the morning, because I really felt that by being a female in that industry, that I had to keep trying new tactics to keep people on their toes, so that they would take me more seriously – at least that’s what I thought I was doing at the time. And so I was so used to that 24/7 way of life, that then having children, I found it very difficult and obviously I couldn’t maintain that. It was just all consuming! I’ve always been a massive perfectionist and since having children, I’ve had to try and let go of that. I actually said to Ben this morning that I’ve realised I’ve become a much calmer person, because I’ve realised that there’s so much you can’t control. That applies with the kids and in the business. I keep saying to myself I can only do my best, and that can be really hard for somebody who likes everything just so.” 

What do you think is one of the hardest things about being a working parent, specifically being a parent who runs their own business?

Karina – “I think the hardest part of being a working parent, especially running a business, is finding the time to do your work. I find myself sometimes really resenting my work as I want to be able to spend more time with my kids, but then when I’m with the kids 24/7 I really miss work! It kind of feels like one big contradiction and I almost always find myself feeling like I should be doing something different to what I am actually doing at that time. When I go to bed at night I find myself feeling bad about all the things I haven’t done or that I feel I’ve not done well enough on. It’s very overwhelming at times – I’m really not selling this am I? [We laugh]

And as I’ve gotten older I’ve learnt a lot about how my brain works. I’m a really, really creative person and I’m also very analytical, but I have to be in the right frame of mind for one or the other, and that’s really hard because when you’ve got kids you’re given an allotted amount of time where you might have to work, but you might get interrupted and I can’t get into that head space, just because it’s like ‘Right I better do that now!’ If I’m not in that head space, I just can’t switch that on. So, I always have to do the work when I’m inspired to do so and then I become possessed. I keep saying it’s hard, but it’s not necessarily that it’s hard, it’s more that it’s not organised, and I guess that’s life when running your own business alongside having two small children! It’s just a constant juggle and trying to figure things out as you go along!” 

[Ben joins us again after taking Henry to school]

Ben, just to catch up with you, at what point in your career did you become a dad and how did you find that transition?

Ben – “I became a dad during my second year at Manchester City. I’ve loved the transition, although it certainly has made life more challenging in terms of managing schedules and trying to keep all of the various plates spinning – I think that’s probably been the biggest challenge, but in terms of the other side of it, I’ve absolutely loved it. I’m just trying to be present, as becoming a dad is something I’ve absolutely loved and it’s taken centre stage in my life really.”

Karina obviously, we’ve discussed the challenges that come with running a business, but what would you say has been your career highlight to date?

Karina – “ I think the fact the business still going strong after 7 years, is my biggest career highlight, because before I opened this business hospitality was on a complete high, it was at its peak, and people thought it was easy and people were opening places left right and centre, that are no longer open and we’re really weathered the storm. I mean we’re in a recession and having an independent business when there are big London brands coming to Manchester and opening all the time, that can bring its challenges. But I’m really proud of how we keep evolving, we keep up the moment and the creativity that we need to keep people coming back. I’m also really proud of how the team stays with us, that we have a high staff retention rate too. The fact that I have an amazing team of people that I like, and trust is a massive achievement for me, as well as managing to stay open and ticking over – and even though it’s not maybe a glossy, glamourous career highlight, I feel like that’s huge!

“I think you need to be kind to yourself and others, and not be so quick to judge other people’s situations.”

Ben, being a football coach is renowned for being high pressure, how do you manage to switch off from that  and go into dad mode when you’re at home?

Ben – “I’m lucky actually with the job I’m in at the moment for a job in Football, we tend to get most Sundays off and something in the week which allows me to spend quality time with the boys and i feel like in those moments i can be really present. ,           

Karina – “Ben’s job is perfect for our family. And we think it’s really important for him to just enjoy this job and focus on that rather than look to try and move into first team management at this time, because if he took a job abroad or somewhere else in the UK as a first team manager then we wouldn’t be able to do what we do. I know I would really struggle.”

Ben – “Yeah, I think I’m really aware of what does come next. I am studying for my Pro Licence at the moment and there’s a module on current problems In the workplace and probably 50-60% of the people who are on the courses are managing a first team, and they all talk about work life balance and how they really struggle with it. I have witnessed it myself,      especially as you’re not always blessed to have a job that’s close to home, then you have to move your family, and it often involves travelling, so we’ve spoken about it loads.  I’m really blessed to be at City it’s an amazing place to work and learn, and in terms of growing my knowledge and skill set there’s no better place to be.  I think people can be too quick to jump to the next thing, and always thinking right what’s next, but I’m really enjoying what I’m doing and I feel content with where I am.”

Karina – “It’s so nice for the kids as well, they do loads of stuff for families. I do look at his job and I envy it at times, because mine is so chaotic and Ben’s job is so orderly. [She laughs]”

What impact has becoming parents had on your relationship? There’s so much to navigate through, it can be really challenging to remember to give time to being a couple. How have you found that side of becoming a parent? 

Ben – “I think it’s just different. We’re lucky that we’re on the same page. With everything that you have to manage daily, we are always on the page as to what we should prioritise, so that really helps in a relationship.”

Karina- “I always say to Ben, I’m so glad that the universe sent you to me, because it was like he was just plonked right in front of me and honestly having children     , I don’t think I would have coped if we weren’t the team that we are. Especially as we’ve had so many health issues with Henry, it’s pushed us even closer together. I think prior to having kids we did whatever we wanted to do, and then you have a kid and it’s the biggest life change and it will either make you as a couple or it will break you. And with us it’s brought closer.”

Ben – “I think the fact that we’re both content in how our lives have changed and that we’re happy just sitting down in front of the tele and having a couple of hours together in the evening, really helps too. And it also helps that we’re both understanding if one of us has to open the laptop etc as well”.

Do you have stand out BROOD moments that you can share?

Karina – “Oh there are so many things that happen each week. But I was delivering a team meeting the other week and I was letting them know certain things that I wasn’t happy with. Listing things that needed to be better and all the while, Henry was shouting ‘Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!’ Totally undermining my assertive delivery!” [She laughs]  

Ben – “We were trying out one of them walking baby carrier chairs, the ones that you put on your shoulders, and we were taking a picture and Henry just started throwing up everywhere! So in the photo you just see me smiling with Henry in the carrier on my shoulders and then the sick coming out in stages and me ending up covered in sick!” {We all laugh]  

What do you think the benefits are of your children seeing you have a career that you’re passionate about?

Ben – “Henry is really proud of where we both work. And even though he’s only 4, he is really aware of what we do. If we’re in the car and anywhere near Spinningfields, he’ll say, ‘Are we going to Mummy’s restaurant?’ And he’s always telling people about Mummy’s restaurant. And he absolutely loves coming to city.     . Henry has just started to get into Football. In the last few weeks, he has wanted to play every day, loves putting his City kit on and has also started collecting stickers which he is really passionate about and does not let anyone near!! He also thinks anyone who has anything to do with football is my friend. [He laughs]

Karina – “Who is it that he thinks you are on the football cards?”

Ben – “He thinks I’m Kevin De Bruyne on the football cards. [We laugh] And I’ll take that all day!

What advice would you give other parents who are following their career dreams whilst juggling parenthood?

Ben – “The biggest thing that I follow and what I say to people at work is enjoy the time being a parent – especially the early years, because you don’t get it back. We had someone who went off a few weeks ago and when the baby was around 3 weeks old, they were fretting about coming back to work. I just said, ‘      You’ll never get this time back and it’s amazing, don’t feel like you have to rush back into work.’ So I think just try and enjoy every moment that you can with the kids and then just work really hard at managing your schedule so that you can still maintain your career.”

Karina – “I think it depends on what stage of your career you’re at as well though, as we were further into our careers when we had kids. And even though I was further into my career I still have found it hard to deal with the change in pace, because in my industry a lot of people are men and they will be opening this, doing that and for the last 4 years I’ve felt like I’m a step behind, people will say ‘What’s your next step?’ ‘What are you doing next?’ and I’d be like, ‘I’ve just had a baby.’ But it’s almost like you have to whisper it because of how that is met within the industry, because it’s a male dominated industry and it’s not set up for women to have children. I really regret with Hen not saying, ‘I’m taking this time’, because I didn’t give myself any maternity leave. I thought I would just keep working, and I feel like I missed things because I was so stressed about work at times. One thing I’ve come to realise now that I’m 7 years into this restaurant, is that it doesn’t even matter, because you can spend your time really worrying about something in your business, but then a few weeks later it won’t’ even matter anymore, but when it’s your own business you get so caught up in it, because you feel like it’s make or break, but a lot of the time it’s not and the things you do remember are the things to do with your kids. So you do need to be kind to yourself.”

Ben – “Yeah, and sometimes you don’t have a choice, because you might not be in the position to have that time, because financially you have to look after your family. It is so expensive to have children, even putting them in a nursery to enable you to go work is a massive undertaking alone – not to mention all the other stuff that comes with it. So I do think it’s really tough. We’ve found it hard to find the right dynamic and we’ve been lucky enough to have help and support from people too. To juggle all the plates, you spin as a working parent, and feel like you’re getting enough time on everything is a massive challenge.”

Karina – “I think you need to be kind to yourself and others, and not be so quick to judge other people’s situations.”

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