Ben Wilkinson, Karina Jadhav and their children  © Tom Pitfield Photography for BROOD Magazine

Karina Jadhav & Ben Wilkinson images © Tom Pitfield Photography for BROOD Magazine

“I’ve always been a massive perfectionist and since having children, I’ve had to try and let go of that. “

That must have been so tough, nothing is worse than seeing your child poorly, and on top of that your business had been your baby for so long it must have been very hard.

Karina – “Yes, in the past I would have been sending emails at 2am in the morning, because I really felt that by being a female in that industry, that I had to keep trying new tactics to keep people on their toes, so that they would take me more seriously – at least that’s what I thought I was doing at the time. And so I was so used to that 24/7 way of life, that then having children, I found it very difficult and obviously I couldn’t maintain that. It was just all consuming! I’ve always been a massive perfectionist and since having children, I’ve had to try and let go of that. I actually said to Ben this morning that I’ve realised I’ve become a much calmer person, because I’ve realised that there’s so much you can’t control. That applies with the kids and in the business. I keep saying to myself I can only do my best, and that can be really hard for somebody who likes everything just so.” 

What do you think is one of the hardest things about being a working parent, specifically being a parent who runs their own business?

Karina – “I think the hardest part of being a working parent, especially running a business, is finding the time to do your work. I find myself sometimes really resenting my work as I want to be able to spend more time with my kids, but then when I’m with the kids 24/7 I really miss work! It kind of feels like one big contradiction and I almost always find myself feeling like I should be doing something different to what I am actually doing at that time. When I go to bed at night I find myself feeling bad about all the things I haven’t done or that I feel I’ve not done well enough on. It’s very overwhelming at times – I’m really not selling this am I? [We laugh]

And as I’ve gotten older I’ve learnt a lot about how my brain works. I’m a really, really creative person and I’m also very analytical, but I have to be in the right frame of mind for one or the other, and that’s really hard because when you’ve got kids you’re given an allotted amount of time where you might have to work, but you might get interrupted and I can’t get into that head space, just because it’s like ‘Right I better do that now!’ If I’m not in that head space, I just can’t switch that on. So, I always have to do the work when I’m inspired to do so and then I become possessed. I keep saying it’s hard, but it’s not necessarily that it’s hard, it’s more that it’s not organised, and I guess that’s life when running your own business alongside having two small children! It’s just a constant juggle and trying to figure things out as you go along!” 

[Ben joins us again after taking Henry to school]

Ben, just to catch up with you, at what point in your career did you become a dad and how did you find that transition?

Ben – “I became a dad during my second year at Manchester City. I’ve loved the transition, although it certainly has made life more challenging in terms of managing schedules and trying to keep all of the various plates spinning – I think that’s probably been the biggest challenge, but in terms of the other side of it, I’ve absolutely loved it. I’m just trying to be present, as becoming a dad is something I’ve absolutely loved and it’s taken centre stage in my life really.”

Karina obviously, we’ve discussed the challenges that come with running a business, but what would you say has been your career highlight to date?

Karina – “ I think the fact the business still going strong after 7 years, is my biggest career highlight, because before I opened this business hospitality was on a complete high, it was at its peak, and people thought it was easy and people were opening places left right and centre, that are no longer open and we’re really weathered the storm. I mean we’re in a recession and having an independent business when there are big London brands coming to Manchester and opening all the time, that can bring its challenges. But I’m really proud of how we keep evolving, we keep up the moment and the creativity that we need to keep people coming back. I’m also really proud of how the team stays with us, that we have a high staff retention rate too. The fact that I have an amazing team of people that I like, and trust is a massive achievement for me, as well as managing to stay open and ticking over – and even though it’s not maybe a glossy, glamourous career highlight, I feel like that’s huge!

“I think you need to be kind to yourself and others, and not be so quick to judge other people’s situations.”

Ben, being a football coach is renowned for being high pressure, how do you manage to switch off from that  and go into dad mode when you’re at home?

Ben – “I’m lucky actually with the job I’m in at the moment for a job in Football, we tend to get most Sundays off and something in the week which allows me to spend quality time with the boys and i feel like in those moments i can be really present. ,           

Karina – “Ben’s job is perfect for our family. And we think it’s really important for him to just enjoy this job and focus on that rather than look to try and move into first team management at this time, because if he took a job abroad or somewhere else in the UK as a first team manager then we wouldn’t be able to do what we do. I know I would really struggle.”

Ben – “Yeah, I think I’m really aware of what does come next. I am studying for my Pro Licence at the moment and there’s a module on current problems In the workplace and probably 50-60% of the people who are on the courses are managing a first team, and they all talk about work life balance and how they really struggle with it. I have witnessed it myself,      especially as you’re not always blessed to have a job that’s close to home, then you have to move your family, and it often involves travelling, so we’ve spoken about it loads.  I’m really blessed to be at City it’s an amazing place to work and learn, and in terms of growing my knowledge and skill set there’s no better place to be.  I think people can be too quick to jump to the next thing, and always thinking right what’s next, but I’m really enjoying what I’m doing and I feel content with where I am.”

Karina – “It’s so nice for the kids as well, they do loads of stuff for families. I do look at his job and I envy it at times, because mine is so chaotic and Ben’s job is so orderly. [She laughs]”

What impact has becoming parents had on your relationship? There’s so much to navigate through, it can be really challenging to remember to give time to being a couple. How have you found that side of becoming a parent? 

Ben – “I think it’s just different. We’re lucky that we’re on the same page. With everything that you have to manage daily, we are always on the page as to what we should prioritise, so that really helps in a relationship.”

Karina- “I always say to Ben, I’m so glad that the universe sent you to me, because it was like he was just plonked right in front of me and honestly having children     , I don’t think I would have coped if we weren’t the team that we are. Especially as we’ve had so many health issues with Henry, it’s pushed us even closer together. I think prior to having kids we did whatever we wanted to do, and then you have a kid and it’s the biggest life change and it will either make you as a couple or it will break you. And with us it’s brought closer.”

Ben – “I think the fact that we’re both content in how our lives have changed and that we’re happy just sitting down in front of the tele and having a couple of hours together in the evening, really helps too. And it also helps that we’re both understanding if one of us has to open the laptop etc as well”.

Do you have stand out BROOD moments that you can share?

Karina – “Oh there are so many things that happen each week. But I was delivering a team meeting the other week and I was letting them know certain things that I wasn’t happy with. Listing things that needed to be better and all the while, Henry was shouting ‘Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!’ Totally undermining my assertive delivery!” [She laughs]  

Ben – “We were trying out one of them walking baby carrier chairs, the ones that you put on your shoulders, and we were taking a picture and Henry just started throwing up everywhere! So in the photo you just see me smiling with Henry in the carrier on my shoulders and then the sick coming out in stages and me ending up covered in sick!” {We all laugh]  

What do you think the benefits are of your children seeing you have a career that you’re passionate about?

Ben – “Henry is really proud of where we both work. And even though he’s only 4, he is really aware of what we do. If we’re in the car and anywhere near Spinningfields, he’ll say, ‘Are we going to Mummy’s restaurant?’ And he’s always telling people about Mummy’s restaurant. And he absolutely loves coming to city.     . Henry has just started to get into Football. In the last few weeks, he has wanted to play every day, loves putting his City kit on and has also started collecting stickers which he is really passionate about and does not let anyone near!! He also thinks anyone who has anything to do with football is my friend. [He laughs]

Karina – “Who is it that he thinks you are on the football cards?”

Ben – “He thinks I’m Kevin De Bruyne on the football cards. [We laugh] And I’ll take that all day!

What advice would you give other parents who are following their career dreams whilst juggling parenthood?

Ben – “The biggest thing that I follow and what I say to people at work is enjoy the time being a parent – especially the early years, because you don’t get it back. We had someone who went off a few weeks ago and when the baby was around 3 weeks old, they were fretting about coming back to work. I just said, ‘      You’ll never get this time back and it’s amazing, don’t feel like you have to rush back into work.’ So I think just try and enjoy every moment that you can with the kids and then just work really hard at managing your schedule so that you can still maintain your career.”

Karina – “I think it depends on what stage of your career you’re at as well though, as we were further into our careers when we had kids. And even though I was further into my career I still have found it hard to deal with the change in pace, because in my industry a lot of people are men and they will be opening this, doing that and for the last 4 years I’ve felt like I’m a step behind, people will say ‘What’s your next step?’ ‘What are you doing next?’ and I’d be like, ‘I’ve just had a baby.’ But it’s almost like you have to whisper it because of how that is met within the industry, because it’s a male dominated industry and it’s not set up for women to have children. I really regret with Hen not saying, ‘I’m taking this time’, because I didn’t give myself any maternity leave. I thought I would just keep working, and I feel like I missed things because I was so stressed about work at times. One thing I’ve come to realise now that I’m 7 years into this restaurant, is that it doesn’t even matter, because you can spend your time really worrying about something in your business, but then a few weeks later it won’t’ even matter anymore, but when it’s your own business you get so caught up in it, because you feel like it’s make or break, but a lot of the time it’s not and the things you do remember are the things to do with your kids. So you do need to be kind to yourself.”

Ben – “Yeah, and sometimes you don’t have a choice, because you might not be in the position to have that time, because financially you have to look after your family. It is so expensive to have children, even putting them in a nursery to enable you to go work is a massive undertaking alone – not to mention all the other stuff that comes with it. So I do think it’s really tough. We’ve found it hard to find the right dynamic and we’ve been lucky enough to have help and support from people too. To juggle all the plates, you spin as a working parent, and feel like you’re getting enough time on everything is a massive challenge.”

Karina – “I think you need to be kind to yourself and others, and not be so quick to judge other people’s situations.”

 KEEP UP TO DATE WITH BROOD:

Related Articles

Follow Us