SURVIVING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS BY SARIE TAYLOR

SURVIVING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS BY SARIE TAYLOR

Surviving the summer holiday juggle!  

By Sarie Taylor

___________________________________

This can be a difficult time for a lot of parents, despite the sun (hopefully) shinning, and if we are lucky enough we may get to go on holiday, but as well as all of this, we have to find a way to take care of our children for many more hours, often whilst maintaining a level of work that quite frankly at times feels impossible. (This can be difficult enough outside the holidays too!)

I know a lot of parents save their holidays for summer, and that is sensible but lets face it, summer isn’t the only time they are off and if like me and many of us at Brood you work for yourself, you wont have the luxury of taking holidays and completely switching off!

It can feel like such a juggle at times and its easy to get caught up in parenting guilt, feeling like we should just be able to manage all the time and hide it when we are not, and I am here to say absolutely NOT, we don’t need to hide that we are struggling, that it feels tough, and that sometimes its easier to be at work! (This may just be me, but I am not afraid to admit it – I do have one year old!)

I am just going to jump straight in and share some key points below that I think may help to consider before the holiday juggle…

Separate your time in a more structured way where possible – I find if I am trying to parent but I also know I have work stuff to get done I really struggle to be good at, or enjoy either! I find it I give myself a plan and permission to just focus on one thing at a time, I am way more productive and less likely to feel like I am losing my sanity!

Don’t compare yourself to others and their situations – It may appear that others have it easier in some ways compared to you, but ultimately none of that matters. Thinking about it and ruminating is only taking up valuable time where you could be doing other things. Remember you are only seeing your perspective of someone else’s situation. You are dong YOUR best.

Be realistic – How often do we write ourselves a list of tasks or jobs for the day, or even the week and when we look back we can see that it was never in a million years going happen? When you have extra duties as a parent, then its ok for other things to be reduced. In fact its crucial that you do! Now I know some of you will say, but everything has to be done, however what we would like to have done, and what actually has to be done are often two very different things if we are really honest with ourselves.

Schedule some downtime – Easier said than done at times, but so many parents I work with get to a point where its not even on their radar anymore as they cant remember the last time they had time to rest and relax. I want you to have this on the radar again, and it doesn’t need to be hours, even minutes to just pause and consider ourselves can do wonders for our mental health. Even if this just starts with a little compassion for yourself with everything you have to manage, you will benefit greatly.

Communicate with your partner or other caregivers – It’s so easy to resent our partners or other family members if we feel like we are ‘doing’ more, or that we feel we have more responsibility, and yet the funny thing is that your partner may also be feeling like this too! Talk to each other about what you need from each other and how you can best make it work for all of you. Check in with each other regularly to see if its working for you both and be open minded to their perspective.

And finally, don’t bury your head in the sand – I have done this so many times because it feels overwhelming and impossible, I will put things off and just imagine that the magic fairy will come and take all my logistical nightmares away – it never happens! As much as it may hurt your head to consider what needs to happen, and what support you may need or conversations with partners and so on, the sooner you get this part out of the way, the less overwhelmed you will feel.

WE CAN DO THIS!

Sarie Taylor is a trained psychotherapist and a life coach who works with people across the world with a wide range of issues. Having suffered with severe anxiety for many years herself, Sarie also has personal experience and an understanding of what it feels like to struggle. Sarie will be a regular contributor for BROOD magazine, answering questions, sharing ideas and helping our readers understand more about the principles that eventually helped her transform her anxieties, relationships and business – enabling her to fall in love with life again!

Summer makeup trends 2023: By Sally Rowe

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SUMMER MAKE UP TRENDS Wanting to wake up your complexion from dull to full of colour? Here’s a view to an ultra glossy look with flushed cheeks that is a hit this summer. Mid tone blush is a new trending technique for blurring together your blush and under-eye makeup...

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

Auntie Cath’s Energy boosting flapjacks

Auntie Cath’s Energy boosting flapjacks

This month’s recipe is one of my absolute favourites – Auntie Cath’s energy-boosting flapjacks. They’re super healthy and kids are going to love making them. They’re fab for lunch boxes, and you can freeze them!

Catherine Tyldesley (or Auntie Cath as she’s often known!) is one of the UKs favourite actresses. Making in her mark in the likes of BBC Ones ‘Lilies’ , sitcom ‘Scarborough’, ITVs ‘View Point’ and Ofcourse- the nations favourite‘Coronation Street’.

Catherine has recently finished filming another drama for ITV and was crowned Winner of All Star Musicals 2021. Cath’s other huge passion in life is Food! After study nutrition on maternity leave with her first child- Caths enthusiasm for food grew. Especially nutritious, budget friendly, tasty family meals. We’re thrilled to bits to have Cath join us and share her knowledge and passion! You’re in for a treat with Auntie Caths recipes!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND WATCH AUNTIE CATH COOKS:

AUNTIE CATH’S EASY ENERGY-BOOSTING FLAPJACKS

Ingredients
3 large bananas
175 g dates chopped
180 g oats
75 g butter melted
1 tsp ground mixed spice
1 pinch salt

 

Instructions
Preheat oven to 180c/Gas 4
Mash bananas in a bowl (get your hands in there, it’s strangely satisfying)
Stir in everything else, mix it up and let it stand for 15 minutes
In the meantime, grease an 8″ square baking tray
Bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown on top
Take out of the oven, let cool and then enjoy a little piece of damn healthy heaven!

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more
IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

Is guilt a given when you are a working parent? 

 

I talk to so many parents about trying to manage the ever changing and ever growing guilt around trying to be all things to all people. It can often be a difficult and challenging juggle when you have a job to do, the house needs sorting and your children need taking care of 24/7. This doesn’t even include contemplating what your individual needs are, and that its important to have time and space for yourselves, whether that be to rest and reset or to spend time socialising and having fun with friends. 

 

It may feel familiar, as so many of us do this, that you put yourself at the bottom of that list, and then may actually find yourself occasionally resenting your life, wishing you could find more hours in a day, and wondering how other people and families seem to manage and have it all! Now when we do make the time and effort to put ourselves first occasionally, this is where it can lead to feeling guilty, as there is always something else we ‘could’ or ‘should’ be doing. I don’t think I have met a parent yet who doesn’t find themselves trying to manage everything as best they can and yet still feel guilty in and amongst everything else, its almost like we can’t win. 

 

A number of years ago I was able to understand guilt and see it for what it really is, and I want to share that with you now as it was a great relief for me. Guilt is a feeling just like any other, and feelings always come from our thinking, not our external circumstances, but our thoughts about our external circumstances. We can often be tricked into thinking that we feel guilt because its an indicator that we need to do better, that we are not enough, and we need to make some changes or improvements. However, guilt comes from our thoughts about ourselves and our situation, so the feelings of guilt come from thoughts such as, I need to do more, I should be spending more time with my kids, I am not on top of my work and so on. 

 

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction. When we see thoughts for what they are, thoughts and not facts, we can much more easily let them come and go, creating much more space for thoughts around how amazing we are at managing the juggle even when we lose sight of that. If you can do one thing for yourself today, remember you are only ever doing your best and that is more than good enough! 

 

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IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

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When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

HOW TO MANAGE THE CLOCKS SPRINGING FORWARD

HOW TO MANAGE THE CLOCKS SPRINGING FORWARD

HOW TO MANAGE THE CLOCKS SPRINGING FORWARD THIS WEEKEND

Twice a year when the clocks change, we are inundated with questions and parents asking what they can do. Although the spring clock change can play havoc with our bodies (an increase in heart attacks and strokes the day after this happen) but it can really help you if you have a little one who likes waking before 5am!

If you happen to have an early riser just don’t take any action and stick to their current body clock – this means that the clocks change but their body clock wont and 5am magically became 6am!

If, however, your routine works for you we have a guide for how to mange the upcoming clock change, depending upon the age of your little one!

For all little ones (and us adults):

Bear in mind that the clock change also brings lighter evenings. This may nt be as much of an issue for us as adults but your little one may be going to bed when it is very light outside. With this in mind, we recommend you make your child’s bedroom as dark as possible to limit any sunlight coming into their room which could make it difficult for them to fall/stay asleep. Ideally a 10/10 for darkness until they become a toddler and may need a little night light if they are scared of the dark.

Using something like a blackout blind or even blackout card/material over the window can be really helpful to block any residual light.

Daylight is the best regulator of our circadian rhythms (body clock) so ensure your little one, and you, get outside to use the daylight to help your body clock adjust.

Overall, it can take about a week for children and babies to completely adjust to a new time, some children can take up to a month. Be patient and remain consistent and it will happen!

Older children:

For children who are no longer napping we would advise you ‘split the difference’ between the old time and the new time. You don’t have to do anything until Sunday morning (and pretend you have a lie in) so start on Sunday night (first night of the change). Put your child to bed 30 minutes ‘later’ than they would usually go to bed – as an example, if their usual bedtime was 7pm you would put them to bed at 7.30pm (new ‘springtime’) instead. Do this for 3 nights and then on the 4th night put them to bed at the normal time – 7pm.

It may take a week or so to adjust (our body clocks can take it’s own sweet time) but persevere and try not to get involved too much after you have put your little one to bed It may take a little longer for them to fall asleep but, if they are happy, just leave them to it and they will naturally adjust.

Toddlers (over 1 and older):

These little ones will still be taking naps but, again, you don’t need to do anything until Sunday nap time. If they have two naps, put them down for their first nap 30 minutes later than normal. For example, if they usually nap at 9.30am you would put them down at 10am instead and do the same for the afternoon nap.

At bedtime if you usually put them down at 7pm, move this by 30mins and put them down at 7.30pm. Do this for 3 nights after the time change and then on the 4th night put them to bed at the normal time of 7pm. You can then move nap times back to normal on day 5. Again, it may take a week or so to adjust but try not to get involved too much after you have put your little one into their cot. It may take a little longer for them to fall asleep but, if they are happy, just leave them to it and they will naturally adjust. 

Infants (between 4-12 months):

For little ones of this age, we can change their internal body clock a little more gradually. They will be having between 2-4 naps per day so we will move nap time by 15 minutes each day until they are on their ‘usual’ nap time by Thursday.

You would also do the same for bedtime, if their bedtime is normally 7pm then move bedtime 15 minutes earlier each night until you reach their normal time. So, on Sunday night you would put them down at 7.45pm (‘new springtime’), next night at 7.30pm and so on. By the fourth night you should be back to their ‘normal’ time of 7pm.

Newborns:

These little ones have not developed sleep cycles or melatonin so you will find their sleep is much less predictable. If you have a newborn you can simply just jump to the new time on Sunday night as if you were traveling to a new time zone. It may take your little one a little longer to fall asleep which is expected as they might not be as tired to start with but just allow them to fall asleep independently, as much as you can.

If you are having any trouble with any aspect of your child’s sleep please do get in touch with Little Dreams Consulting – we would love to help you all get a better night’s sleep.

About Little Dreams Consulting:

Established by Jenna Wilson, a former solicitor, in 2016, Little Dreams Consulting is an award-winning baby and child sleep consultancy based in Bristol. It works with tired parents around the UK to help everybody get a better night’s sleep.

Having proved the business is profitable and sustainable, Little Dreams launched their British Franchise Association accredited and award winning franchise in December 2021 and now has 4 franchisees working around the UK. If a new career you can be proud of, whilst changing the lives of sleep deprived families, is something you have been looking for get in touch with Jenna or download a prospectus here: (Franchise Your Own Sleep Consultant Business for Children (littledreamsconsulting.com)

 

REMIND YOURSELF WHAT MATTERS BY ASHLEIGH GUTHRIE

REMIND YOURSELF WHAT MATTERS BY ASHLEIGH GUTHRIE

© BROOD MAGAZINE

Remind Yourself of What Matters

 As I sit here and breathe deeply, sipping my tea, eating a morning pastry, I am reminded of the importance of taking time to pause.

Questions swirling through my mind, “Who are you beneath the fast paced ‘doingness’ of life?” Chopping and changing, constantly moving.

Oceanic waves of emotions rise to the surface before crashing to the shores of my active mind. I ask myself “what would happen if you just stopped for a moment, closed your eyes and took a long deep breath?”

“What would happen If you slowed down long enough to FEEL what was bubbling beneath the surface, to be with the swirling sensations lingering in the pit of my stomach.”

Who are you beneath the surface level responses to “How are you?”

If lock down taught us anything it is that we as human ‘beings’ are not meant to be living life at a million miles an hour. Savour every moment, take time to rest and recalibrate, allow yourself the space to regularly reflect in order to see how far you’ve come.

Remember to celebrate the beauty of who you are, in both the shadow and the light.

Release Rituals

To honour the change in season, we can begin by exploring if there is anything in your life that you feel it is time for you to let go of and forgive or if there is anyone you wish to apologize to. You can ritualise this by lighting a candle and incense.

A great practice to accompany this is the ritual of Ho’oponopono, a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. You can listen to a version of this practice on one of my playlists here.

Taking time to pause and go within can help you to remember that you have the power to bring awareness to all that has been holding you back. Walks in nature could be ideal at this time for helping you to become grounded in your body as you connect with where you are storing dense energy, people or situations that are ready to be released.

 Self-Care

We are continuously reminded that our world is facing many challenges and that caring for ourselves is more important than ever. You can bring awareness to this by making time to be intentional in your self-care routine daily. 

My invitation is to take a moment before you start your day to look in the mirror and ask yourself, what you need in order to cultivate peace from within your own mental health.

When I wake up, I like to ask myself these 3 questions.

“How am I feeling today?”

“What do I need today?”

“How can I best show up in the world today?”

When we practice genuine self-care, we get the opportunity to understand ourselves better, recharge our batteries before they’re empty, and maintain the ability to make a difference for our loved ones and communities.

“It’s okay to take time for yourself. We give so much of ourselves to others, and we need to be fuelled both physically and mentally. If we are in balance, it helps us in all our interactions.”
— Faith Hill

An Act of Love

Take time this month to express love in all its beautiful ways throughout all your relations. Love is the most powerful force we can experience as humans. It helps us to call upon strength to transmute all suffering on earth. I recommend taking time to pause and tune in to the love you cherish in your life and offer gratitude. Write out a list of all the people you love, how they have impacted you, and how you have felt loved throughout your life so far.

Wishing you a magical October!

Want to get in touch with Ashleigh? She is available weekdays at courage.freedom.joy@gmail.com or chat with her directly on Instagram @ashleighguthrie01

Ashleigh Guthrie is a spiritual mentor, women’s circle facilitator, sound healer and trauma informed child hypnotherapist – trained by teachers from different traditions all over the world. Ashleigh is BROOD Magazine’s bonus mum and earth angel. 

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

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DO YOU NEED TO INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE, OR ARE YOU PERFECTLY IMPERFECT?

DO YOU NEED TO INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE, OR ARE YOU PERFECTLY IMPERFECT?

Need to increase your self esteem and confidence, or are you perfectly imperfect?

Confidence and self esteem are talked about so much, and thats usually because we are looking for an answer on how to improve ours! If you look up what these actually mean you will find there are many different explanations and variations depending on who you follow or read about. I like to take everything back to as simple an explanation as I can see with my own understanding and experience. For me these words could be substituted for many things like, self belief, self love, self image and so on, but it all ultimately leads to the same thing for me, which I want to share with you below.

As a human being we will always fall into the trap of judgement, particularly about ourselves and when we are criticising and judging ourselves we are by default getting further and further away from showing ourselves love and compassion. Despite what we tell ourselves at times, it is not about looking for the perfect finished article of a confident person, (which doesn’t exist, or does it?) But more about realising that we always have the gift of perspective and therefore constant change is possible for each and every single one of us. If you were to question your level of self esteem or confidence in any given moment I would probably ask you to reflect by asking yourself the following;

How much do you like yourself right now?

How much do you value yourself right now?

How do you see yourself right now?

What are your beliefs about yourself right now?

I am sure you get the picture, and the reason I add ‘right now’ onto each question, is because this will always change, it’s never static. This is why I would never describe a person as having, or not having low self esteem or confidence, as I accept and see human nature as one momentary experience after the other, no two moments the same. This is actually good news as this means that by default, there is always opportunity for a new experience, in other words a new way to see ourselves and a different way to treat ourselves – hopefully with more compassion! Instead of how do we become more confident or increase our self esteem, reflect on how compassionate and loving you are towards yourself.

If we all gave ourselves a daily dose of compassion as a general rule, the difference in our experience of life would instantly be uplifted, and filled with so much more contentment and peace of mind. Often people don’t see the value in this and the power it has to show ourselves compassion, and yet when it comes to others we often instantly see the value in it? In fact we will talk about it as though it’s a necessity for us to support others, see the good in them, reach out to them and be a shining light, and yet it somehow seems alien, unnecessary or maybe even too indulgent to do it for ourselves?

We were not born this way! If this is something you find challenging, you have ‘learnt’ or ‘thought’ your way out of naturally seeing your core nature of love and compassion. The reason I said above does the perfect finished article exist, is because in my eyes it does, but maybe not in the way you initially think of perfection! We are all perfectly imperfect. Part of my own experience of showing myself a tonne more love, compassion and understanding was that I could accept that I was not and did not need to be perfect, and in actual fact it is all of me that makes me perfect just the way I am. Instead of always thinking I need to be better and do better, I am much more able to lower my expectations and the pressure on myself so that it is much easier to see myself as good enough just as I am, I change the goalposts, not myself.

One more thing to mention is that I know some people will read this and say there are some things people do need to change and there are habits that I have that I don’t want to continue with, they are not good for me or my life. Thats OK so do I. These are my habits and they can change without me having to be a super human and in fact the irony is, if I lower my expectations, the pressure I put on myself and accept myself as I am. A large part of getting a quieter mind and there for feeling better in ourselves starts with that daily dose of compassion, so you can start NOW, right this very second!

Self Esteem

Ashleigh Guthrie

ASHLEIGH GUTHRIE. IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHYAshleigh Guthrie is a spiritual mentor, women’s circle facilitator, sound healer and trauma informed child hypnotherapist – trained by teachers from different traditions all over the world. Ashleigh is BROOD Magazine’s...

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more
SARIE TAYLOR:  Procrastination; does it stop us from getting where we want to be?

SARIE TAYLOR: Procrastination; does it stop us from getting where we want to be?

PROCRASTINATION; DOES IT STOP US GETTING WHERE WE WANT TO BE?

It’s September and routines are changing again, a time to find our feet with a new schedule again, and maybe get all the things done we haven’t managed to do during the summer. Easy? Or is it? Maybe you find yourself lacking in the motivation to get things done, and then end up procrastinating and avoiding moving forward?

 

Some of you may really disagree with me on this, but I don’t believe anyone is lazy or chooses to be lazy, which is a word I often hear used in conjunction with procrastination. People say things like ‘I am just being lazy’ or ‘I just can’t be bothered to get started’. I don’t think this is strictly true. Nobody chooses to get behind in life, in fact it will often cause us more stress and suffering when we view ourselves as behind, but what if there is no such thing? We all have expectations in life of what needs doing, and where we think we should be up to, but these are thoughts not facts.

 

Most of the time that we end up procrastinating is because we are not being realistic or compassionate with ourselves and our expectations, the pressure we put onto ourselves is too much. Think of it like being stood at the bottom of a mountain looking up and thinking I need to get to the top! This may be followed with many thoughts like, ‘Its too much, I will never make it, It’s too difficult!’ And so we may find ourselves deciding not to even bother getting started, and put it off for another day, when we feel more ready. Imagine you are stood at the bottom of this same mountain and look up again but this time you decide ‘I will just walk for the next 15 minutes and see how I get on?’ Would that feel any different? I am sure it wouldn’t feel quite as overwhelming to give yourself permission to just get started and see how you go. You may find that you end up feeling more motivated to keep going by the end off those 15 minutes, or you may want to sit and rest and take in the view where you are anyway as you see its just as beautiful!

 

Everything is easier and more enjoyable in life with a quieter mind. When we start to jump too far ahead in our minds to everything that we feel has to be done, and how are we going to manage, we are already taking up energy and brain space with the what ifs, that could be far better used in the moment to just get started. The next time you find yourself procrastinating, remember this is your minds way of trying to slow you down, reduce your expectations and just get started, pick somewhere small to start as motivation often comes when we get going. If we wait for motivation to appear before we get going, then we could be waiting forever! Also remember to give yourself praise and credit for getting started, so instead of focusing on what is ‘still’ left to do, recognise you have started and that is good enough, and you are much more likely to keep going with more ease.

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IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more

How children can enrich your spiritual path

How children can enrich your spiritual path

Brood Coffee Table Book

How children can enrich your spiritual path.

The beginning of my spiritual journey was one spent in solitude, I loved creating my own temple space within my living room, I meditated within the forest at the back of my home, I travelled globally escaping the reality of the ‘normal world’, learning the landscapes of my inner world, and this served me well as a single woman who was desperately trying to find herself.

 

Now, 2.5 years into a committed relationship and co-parenting I find myself reflecting on how children an enrich your spiritual path. I personally have experienced a heightened state of appreciation, wonder and inspiration from watching my partners son navigate the world in his own unique way. Becoming a bonus parent has been one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences of my life. Teaching a child how to take responsibility for themselves whilst facing the fears of having responsibility of another human has been quite sobering!

 

Having a child in my home has grounded and rooted me into the realities of relationships and connected me into deeper states of joy. My inner child is constantly inspired by Theo’s artistic imagination, he reminds me to tap into the innocence of taking pleasure from the simplest of experiences and to stop taking life so seriously. Because of him I wish to show up as the best version of myself within my relationship, which means learning to forgive myself and each other when we “lose our shit.”

 

I’ve learnt to slow right down and be patient when Theo is sharing his own wisdom on the meaning of things he sees in nature, his perspective on past lives, manifestation and what happens when we die. In him I see a little shaman who is an old soul, connected to the subtle energies of this world. I enjoy being mindful with his curiosity and seeing life through his eyes.

 

Children constantly teach us the marvels of the world around us, to be grateful for the daily mircles, and come back to meaningful playfulness. They remind us to step outside the mindless wheel of worry and to take time to be present, to connect and listen.

 

 

Ways to cultivate your child’s spiritual curiosity

 

Be patient, when your child is asking their cosmic questions go down the rabbit hole with them until they feel complete in your conversation.

 

Teach them to be kind to other and stand up for what they believe in.

 

By introducing spiritual practices and rituals when they are young, such as lighting candles or incantations (prayers) – your child will view them as a natural part of life, and you’ll have a creative influence over them before others supress’ it within them.

 

This can be incorporated into ordinary actions and words. When you get out of bed in the morning, you can fling your arms up in the air and say out loud, “Today is going to be a good day”, At bedtime, you can say good night by sharing something you appreciate about each other and express gratitude for something you received during the day.

 

Try to limit the amount of time they watch tv, scroll on their phones and play video games, encourage your child to play outside in nature as much as possible. Teach them to respect nature by picking up their rubbish and thanking the tree’s.

 

Play guided meditations and relaxation music to help them sleep at night.

 

Above all make it fun, sing, dance, get dirty in the mud, make up stories, read stories together, paint pictures and let your imaginations run wild!

 

Let your child lead, you might discover something you never thought of before.

Talk to other parents. Reach out to your fellow Brood members and find other families who share your passion and values.

 

Ashleigh Guthrie

Ashleigh Guthrie is a spiritual mentor and wellness practitioner. She lives with her partner in Prestwich, Manchester and is a bonus parent to Theo, age 11. She especially enjoys working with women who are interested in mapping their menstrual cycles for the benefit of their business growth, cultivating conscious relationships and women’s circles.

Connect with her on Instagram and send her a DM o book a free discovery call. @ashleighguthrie01

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more

What others think of us is actually none of our business…

What others think of us is actually none of our business…

What others think of us is actually none of our business…

This is something that I continually remind myself and my clients of. We can spend so much of our time and energy on worrying about other peoples opinions, as well as the general opinions and expectations of society in general. We could say its not always a bad thing if we consider other people, however, if we are making decisions about our lives based on what others think instead of primarily considering our own needs and desires, then this can have a huge knock on effect in many areas of our lives.

 

I recently shared a picture of my husband and our eight week old baby on social media. He had the baby in a carrier and was sweeping the floor at the same time. He is actually taking the majority of the paternity leave as I run my own business, and so it was not an option for me to be off for any decent amount of time as the business doesn’t run without me, and so he is now off taking on the majority of care for our baby for the next seven months. As you can imagine this will potentially divide opinion, as it isn’t the norm in our society for men to take extended paternity and for women to go back after two weeks, but it has worked out wonderfully for us. We get to spend so much more time together as a whole family, my husband has had the opportunity to bond with our daughter on another level, and the flexibility has worked our really well for all of us. We know that we are very fortunate to have this option, and it hasn’t come without some challenges (certainly for me!) but overall we definitely wouldn’t change it.

 

The reason I am sharing this with you is because when we were deciding whether to take this option, it did come to mind how both of us may be perceived for making this choice, and some people were shocked and didn’t necessarily think this is how it ‘should’ be! Opinions such as me not fulfilling my duties as a mum by going back to work too soon,my husband ruining his career opportunities by taking time off and so on. If we had worried about being judged by others we could have been in a very different situation right now, both trying to juggle work and a new born as well as a teenager and what for? To reach approval from others? To fit in with societies expectations? It was a consideration, and I know that so many people stop themselves from doing what feels best for them due to fear of disapproval and judgement. Who decides what is best for us anyway? All of societies norms and people’s opinions are simply a build up of conditioned beliefs that they carry over a period of time, that are not often challenged, and also regularly do not actually suit us or our lifestyle but have simply become so habitual.

 

I wanted to write this as a reminder to anyone who feels they want more from life. That feels that they are holding off doing certain things due to fear of being judged, that you will be judged and thats OK! What if it doesn’t matter what other people think? What if it’s actually none of your business was they think? Take it from a 43 year old mum of a new born, with a stay at home husband, that your happiness will definitely not come from pleasing others, it will come from you putting yourself first ,and that involves sometimes making decisions that challenge the general norm. Go for it! You never know it may even turn out better than you ever imagined.

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IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more

Salmon and Chorizo Kebabs with a Tamari Glaze by Kate devine

Salmon and Chorizo Kebabs with a Tamari Glaze by Kate devine

Salmon and Chorizo Kebabs with a Tamari Glaze by Kate devine

Let’s TALK HOLIDAY AND EXERCISE

I’m lucky enough to be writing this months article while still on my holiday in Spain. I get asked a lot by clients and friends about how to stay healthy but still enjoy yourself while away; and to avoid the guilty feeling of less exercise and eating and drinking too much because, lets be realistic here, we are all going to do that to some degree while on our well deserved holiday.

Firstly, and most importantly, your holiday is supposed to be a period of time that you get to break away from ‘every day’ life and recharge. Try to completely switch off from any feelings of what you should be doing and focus on what you actually want to do for a change – that could involve exercising or it could be sipping strawberry daiquiri’s by the pool. It’s only for a week or two and I can assure you, you’re not going to return home looking anything but hopefully a little bronzed and rested.

 

Personally, I give myself at least a week off my usual exercise (this is classed as a de-load week in the fitness world) and can be anything from walking or a light jog/cycle a few times a week. Honestly, I try not to focus on exercise too much while away and think of it as more of a walk to the beach listening to a podcast or swimming a few lengths/playing in the pool with my kids. These are all things we don’t get to do while at home and it all counts as exercise! Any movement is good and sometimes it can be pretty fun!

 

When it comes to food, I understand how my body works e.g. how it reacts to certain foods/drinks, how they make me feel and how I metabolise things, so I try to make my food choices based around this. I am gluten intolerant and have low blood sugar levels, so I have to pick wisely or else days of my holiday could be lost to illness. I have limited choices, whether I like it or not and that’s something I have learned to work with and now has very little impact on my life.

 

I offer these 6 points of advice to my clients when it comes to maintaining a healthy lifestyle while on holiday or when socialising:

 

  1. Live your life – try to not make the enjoyable experience of eating out about ‘going off plan’ or ‘overindulging’. Your plan will still be there for you to continue when you’re ready. Restricting yourself will take the joy out of the experience of living your life. Spending time with friends and family has been scientifically proven to be good for your mental health; this is something that should be seen as an important area of your life and should be just as significant as the foods we consume.
  2. Plan ahead – Find out where you’re eating/drinking and research the food and drink menu before you get there. This will avoid you being overwhelmed with choices and help prevent making impulsive, unhealthy decisions under pressure.
  3. Push the boundaries – Opt for foods that are healthy but maybe something that you’ve not tried before or don’t often get the chance to have at home. Learn to enjoy the different tastes and textures of foods and drinks and appreciate the opportunity that you’ve created to be where you are now.
  4. Learn to make better choices – like you would when planning your meals and going to the supermarket, you will begin to learn what works for you and the healthier options you enjoy the most.
  5. Don’t feel obliged to have all 3 courses – Of course, if you want to and feel you have a good relationship with food, then absolutely go of it. Know you deserve to eat delicious food and that food is a privilege and should be enjoyed guilt free.
  6. Count nutrients not calories – counting calories is not something I promote in my clinic. I find it creates unhealthy boundaries and turns food into numbers that people base their choices on. Instead, maybe research the nutritional qualities of the foods you enjoy and discover what amazing benefits they can have on your health. Feel fulfilled with the choice you’ve made based upon how it best serves you, instead of the guilt of consuming too many calories.

 I’ve been experimenting with BBQ foods recently and trying to move away from the traditional sausages and burgers. I need more variety in my life and they’re just not cutting it anymore! Also our random British weather means that just as you’re all ready to get the BBQ lit, the heaven’s open and your all legging it inside! So I’ve roped my kids into helping me find a few more interesting recipes that they can get involved in preparing and cook themselves on the BBQ (with my assistance obviously!) or on the griddle, should the rain set in.

One of our favs are kebabs. We use salmon and chorizo with a few veggies thrown in there. The kids love putting them together and chopping the veg and fish and building up each kebab whichever way they want. You can use any ingredients really – chicken, tofu, etc – and I serve these with a side of new potatoes (see my pesto and broccoli new potato recipe from last month’s article) or whole grain rice. Here’s our recipe for you to try with your brood…

 

Salmon and Chorizo Kebabs with a Tamari Glaze 

 

Makes 4 Kebabs

 

What you will need:

  • Kebab skewers – either metal or wooden – if wooden, soak in water for 30 mins before using to avoid burning when cooking
  • Saucepan
  • BBQ/griddle pan
  • Whisk
  • Clingfilm/tinfoil
  • Baking tray

 

Ingredients:

  • 4 salmon fillets – remove from the fridge to ensure they are at room temp before cooking and chop into chunks big enough to slide onto the skewers
  • Chorizo sausage – chop into chunks big enough to slide onto the skewers
  • Vegetables of your choice – we chose courgette and red pepper – chop into chunks as above
  • Lemon (optional) – chop into chunks as above – place next to the fish on the skewers if possible

 

For the glaze:

  • 2 tsps ground ginger
  • 1 tsp five spice powder
  • 1/2 tsp chilli powder
  • 100ml tamari
  • 1 tbsp honey

 

Method:

  • Firstly, make the glaze…In a small saucepan combine the tamari, ginger, five spice and chilli powder
  • Using a whisk, bring to a gentle simmer over a medium heat and cook for 6-7 minutes to reduce
  • Remove from the heat and add the honey while it’s still warm – continue whisking to combine and allow to cool
  • Place the chopped salmon, chorizo, lemon and vegetables on the kebab skewers and place on a baking tray
  • Drizzle the glaze over each kebab and cover with clingfilm/foil
  • Place in the fridge to marinade for a minimum of 30 minutes before cooking
  • When ready, place on the BBQ/griddle and rotate every few minutes until the salmon is cooked in the middle and the vegetables are charred on the outside
  • Serve with new potatoes and side salad – Enjoy!
written BY KATE DEVINE

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SARIE TAYLOR: READER’s QUESTIONS

SARIE TAYLOR: READER’s QUESTIONS

READER’S QUESTIONS

This month we wanted to answer a couple of reader’s questions. Thank you for your submissions and we hope you find these answers helpful!

How to be empathic to someone who is going through high anxiety without it triggering you or making you feel too stressed?

 It is extremely likely that we will all go through our lives and experience either ourselves getting anxious, or a loved one, so firstly it’s important to know you are not alone in this. It can be very tempting to want to try and fix the other person, let’s face it, we don’t like seeing those we love suffer, and so it would make sense that we would go into problem solving mode. The difficulty with this, is that we can’t fix how someone else feels, and if we continue trying, we are likely to burnout ourselves at some point. Here would be my top things to consider when supporting a loved one who is suffering with anxiety;

 

  1. Be there to listen. I mean really listening, so not listening with what you think you already know is the answer, or what you believe they need, but actually listening with an open mind. Just them knowing you are there to listen will mean so much.

 

  1. Prioritise yourself. I know this can be difficult when you feel like they need you more, but in actual fact you are much better placed to listen and support them when you are feeling more grounded in yourself. Do not be afraid to reach out to professionals and get outside support rather than taking it all on yourself. Remember nobody has the ability to ‘make’ you feel a certain way, so any stress you feel whilst supporting them comes from your thoughts and the pressure you put on yourself, so be mindful of that and listen to what your body is telling you.

 

  1. Communicate. Encourage conversation when possible but equally don’t force it. They will talk when they are ready, and so all they need is a reminder that you are there to listen when they are ready to talk.

 

  1. Remember that this is all temporary, and although it can feel so overwhelming for all of you, it isn’t always going to be this way. Try and encourage your loved one to do things that bring them some joy. When we are suffering it can be so easy to see everything in life as a struggle, and take everything so seriously, but there is always space for love & laughter and maybe you can remind them of that.

 

  1. Reassurance that they are still loved can be helpful. Often when people are feeling anxious they have an element of negative self talk and their self esteem may be low. They may see themselves as inadequate or not enough but that is not true. Tell them and show them they are still loved.

 

  1. Compassion is like a super remedy. It can be frustrating and stressful when a loved one is anxious, but what they really need is compassion and understanding. Try and take a step back from it all and remember they are doing their best given their thinking at the time, and so if their thinking is off, it may seem that they are making poor decisions or not helping themselves as much as you believe they could, try and show compassion.

 

My anxiety just won’t go away, so how do I handle it?

 

Everything in the answer above also applies to you! Show yourself patience, love and compassion where possible, it will really help you. Understanding how human nature works is also really beneficial so I will start by sharing three key points with you below;

 

  1. We are human beings not robots, and so when we are doing too much, not listening to our mind and bodies, our bodies will slow us down or even bring us to a grinding halt. This may manifest in coughs, colds, illnesses or mental illness like anxiety or depression. The better we get any recognising the signs earlier, the less likely we are to end up feeling completely overwhelmed.
  2. Thoughts create feelings. If you have a busy mind, it’s likely that you will have physical symptoms associated with a busy mind such as feeling tired, sick, headaches and so on. If we find ourselves in a cycle of overthinking our body will start to produce a lot of adrenaline (which can feel very physical) and this can then be another thing to worry about. It’s a completely natural process and as soon as our minds start to settle so will the adrenaline levels.

 

  1. Acceptance is key. I regularly hear people talk about fighting or battling their anxiety, showing it who is boss. Now this may feel like it works temporarily, but it often doesn’t last. The reason for that is that anxiety isn’t the enemy, but rather an indicator that our thoughts are off in a negative direction, and that we need to listen and slow down. This is actually a gift, a love letter from our body to alert us. If we pay attention, and as a result, reduce the pressure we put on ourselves then the body and mind will naturally reset to a wonderful place of innate wellbeing that is within us all!

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more

4 Simple ways to reset when you’re feeling burnt out and overwhelmed

4 Simple ways to reset when you’re feeling burnt out and overwhelmed

ASHLEIGH GUTHRIE. IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PIECES OF ADVICE FOR CREATIVE PRODUCTIVITY IS, “IF YOUR MIND IS EMPTY READ, IF YOUR MIND IS FULL WRITE.” 

KNOWING WHEN TO REST AND WHEN TO ACT THROUGHOUT THE DIFFERENT CYCLES OF THE MONTH AND SEASONS HAS CREATED MORE JOY AND CONNECTION WITHIN MYSELF, MY RELATIONSHIPS AND BUSINESS.

HERE ARE FOUR WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR SELF AWARENESS AND TRANSFORM YOUR HABITS OF STRESS INTO A STRONG SELF-CARE PRACTICE

Mentally

Ever felt like your brain to mouth co-ordination has disappeared? Then you know what it’s like to need mental rest, especially leading up to your time of the month or before launching a big work project.

You may realise you’ve been distracting yourself more by scrolling or sending a barely comprehensible voice note. Perhaps you notice your thoughts starting to turn negative, judging everything you do, or sabotaging and procrastination kicks in.  

The next time you need a mental break, turn off your screens and take a few moments to ground yourself outside, get your feet on the earth and take some deep breaths. I’ve found that creating a 10-30minute morning practice of meditation, gentle movement and writing down 5 things I’m grateful for really helps to set me up for the day.

Physically 

Physical burnout and overwhelm can feel like walking through quicksand. When we ignore the warning signs of overwhelm, the body and nervous system can become overly sensitive to loud noises and all you want is your bed, not the greatest when you have a business to run and little ones needing your attention.

The most healing form of physical rest is sleep and I love bedtime rituals, consider going to bed 30 minutes earlier, or taking a hot bath with lavender and magnesium salts. 

Catching up on physical rest can also mean stepping away from your desk regularly and taking deep breaths during the workday, eating a balanced died or perhaps booking in a restorative yoga class to give your body some time to stretch. Knowing what your body needs during the different hormonal stages of the month may help you to feel more refreshed and energised, for those family gatherings and work projects.

Spiritually

Sometimes it can feel like we are doing things alone. So, for me, spiritual rest & reset can look like finding people who are in my tribe — I enjoy attending women’s circles, safe spaces where I know I will be held, looked after and nourished at a soul level.

For you, social rest might mean catching up with a friend who knows you inside and out. Or perhaps it’s just taking a night off from socialising and reconnecting with yourself in a way that feels good.

At times we just need to remember the things that brought us joy as a child, like painting, riding horses, smelling a flower, eating a strawberry. Come back to the things that feel like home.

Emotionally

Think of how you feel after a you’ve over given and put everyone else’s needs before your own — after a while you may begin to feel resentful, exhausted, and confused as to why you have less patience to engage with family and more easily frustrated. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to the signals from your emotional body and have awareness of when you tank is almost full.

A favourite tool of mine when I find myself spiralling is to put a timer on and tip out how you’re feeling. This can look like journaling or speaking to someone who is available and capable of validating and listening to your needs.

That could mean scheduling regular therapy sessions or finding people with whom you can be authentically yourself with and perhaps offer you a hug.

If you enjoyed reading this post, then do join me for a FREE monthly Ask Ashleigh New Moon Ceremony in which I share more self awareness techniques and spiritual insight. Link can be found on my Instagram bio.

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

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Sarie Taylor: Overwhelm

Sarie Taylor: Overwhelm

Overwhelm – anxiety, stress & worry

Feeling overwhelmed? Our resident Psychotherapist, Sarie Taylor gives us some tips to reduce our stress and anxiety when juggling work and family life…

Let’s start by looking at what we even mean by overwhelm? Usually we are talking about when we feel like we have too much on our plate! Too much to do, or to think about, and we often get to a place where we feel like one more thing will happen and it will tip us over the edge!

There is often an innocent misunderstanding about overwhelm in that we believe it stems from the challenges we face, the external things in our lives that cause us to get overwhelmed, our work, our family and so on. I really get it, and believed this wholeheartedly myself for many years until I was able to understand more and see things differently. Bare with me whilst I explain!

Life does throw so many challenges our way, as well as opportunities, and at times it can feel never ending as though we are being faced with one thing after the other, and we have no control! Now there is some truth in this in that the majority of things day to day are actually very much out of our control. The issue comes when we find discomfort in what we can’t control, and so we try to control the uncontrollable using the gift of thought, our minds, queue the worry!

Lets just say it was the external stuff that caused the overwhelm directly. We would all have the same levels of overwhelm and stress about the same things and yet we don’t. Something I find stressful may be a breeze for you, and then something you really fear may be an everyday easy occurrence fo me? It’s our response to the challenges we face, our perspective and our thinking about what is happening that creates the overwhelm. Overwhelm comes from the inside out, not outside in!

I would actually go a far to say that the overwhelm is caused 99.9% of the time from the pressure and expectation we put on ourselves, often habitually without even realising, we just get so good at it. Let’s take guilt as an example, parental guilt is talked about a lot. Our feelings always come from our thinking and this includes guilt. Feeling guilty as a parent often involves feeling that you are struggling to be all things to all people and somehow not quite hitting the mark (your expectations). This is not a reflection of your ability as a parent, it does not correlate with whether you are enough, doing a good enough job or getting it ‘right’. It is simply an indication of where your thinking is at…

“I feel bad I haven’t spent much time with me kids”

“I am behind at work because my child has been unwell”

“I feel selfish but I just need a break”

We could go on, and I am sure we could all add hundreds if not thousands of comments and thoughts to this! All of these thoughts create feelings of not quite being enough and then naturally cause us to feel overwhelmed. What if you could change the goal posts yourself? What if you could lower your expectations? Even with all the challenges we face as parents, we can still change the pressure and expectation we put on ourselves. ‘Yes but’ I hear you say! Well you can come up with all the reasons as to why you cant reduce the pressure or expectations, but ultimately if you don’t, your body will slow you down anyway, through feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, catching every cough and cold you come into contact with amongst many other things. It’s our bodies job to slow us down when we don’t take notice. We are humans not robots.

The other aspect to overwhelm, that we don’t always notice, is that we are not often concerned with that present moment, (as we are actually managing and more capable than we give ourselves credit for), but again we are more in our head about what happens next! Let me give you some examples.

‘My child is ill and I feel overwhelmed’ – usually translates to, what if they get worse, what if I am off work for another day, how will I manage (future what ifs)

“I just don’t get a minute to myself” – usually translates to if I carry online this what will happen, when does it end? (Future what ifs)

“I keep getting terrible headaches” – usually translates to what is wrong with me, is this something serious, how will I manage if it is, who will take care of my children? (Future what ifs)

I would love you to reflect on how much of your suffering is really about the here and now, or if it is in actual fact more about the what ifs, the stories we create trying to predict the future and believe we are in control!

How can you start to reduce your overwhelm starting right NOW? Even just picking one will make a difference!

*Treat yourself with compassion NOT criticism

*Adjust your expectations, lower that pressure

*Remember we are only ever doing the best we can given our thinking at the time

*We are enough!

*Ask yourself…would you treat your closest friend or family in the same way you treat or talk to yourself?

*Ask yourself…right in this very second am I OK?

– will it all get too much to handle? (Not sure how you want to start it or how you plan to do the title)

Let’s start by looking at what we even mean by overwhelm? Usually we are talking about when we feel like we have too much on our plate! Too much to do, or to think about, and we often get to a place where we feel like one more thing will happen and it will tip us over the edge!

There is often an innocent misunderstanding about overwhelm in that we believe it stems from the challenges we face, the external things in our lives that cause us to get overwhelmed, our work, our family and so on. I really get it, and believed this wholeheartedly myself for many years until I was able to understand more and see things differently. Bare with me whilst I explain!

Life does throw so many challenges our way, as well as opportunities, and at times it can feel never ending as though we are being faced with one thing after the other, and we have no control! Now there is some truth in this in that the majority of things day to day are actually very much out of our control. The issue comes when we find discomfort in what we can’t control, and so we try to control the uncontrollable using the gift of thought, our minds, queue the worry!

Lets just say it was the external stuff that caused the overwhelm directly. We would all have the same levels of overwhelm and stress about the same things and yet we don’t. Something I find stressful may be a breeze for you, and then something you really fear may be an everyday easy occurrence fo me? It’s our response to the challenges we face, our perspective and our thinking about what is happening that creates the overwhelm. Overwhelm comes from the inside out, not outside in!

I would actually go a far to say that the overwhelm is caused 99.9% of the time from the pressure and expectation we put on ourselves, often habitually without even realising, we just get so good at it. Let’s take guilt as an example, parental guilt is talked about a lot. Our feelings always come from our thinking and this includes guilt. Feeling guilty as a parent often involves feeling that you are struggling to be all things to all people and somehow not quite hitting the mark (your expectations). This is not a reflection of your ability as a parent, it does not correlate with whether you are enough, doing a good enough job or getting it ‘right’. It is simply an indication of where your thinking is at…

“I feel bad I haven’t spent much time with me kids”

“I am behind at work because my child has been unwell”

“I feel selfish but I just need a break”

We could go on, and I am sure we could all add hundreds if not thousands of comments and thoughts to this! All of these thoughts create feelings of not quite being enough and then naturally cause us to feel overwhelmed. What if you could change the goal posts yourself? What if you could lower your expectations? Even with all the challenges we face as parents, we can still change the pressure and expectation we put on ourselves. ‘Yes but’ I hear you say! Well you can come up with all the reasons as to why you cant reduce the pressure or expectations, but ultimately if you don’t, your body will slow you down anyway, through feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, catching every cough and cold you come into contact with amongst many other things. It’s our bodies job to slow us down when we don’t take notice. We are humans not robots.  

The other aspect to overwhelm, that we don’t always notice, is that we are not often concerned with that present moment, (as we are actually managing and more capable than we give ourselves credit for), but again we are more in our head about what happens next! Let me give you some examples.

‘My child is ill and I feel overwhelmed’ – usually translates to, what if they get worse, what if I am off work for another day, how will I manage (future what ifs)

“I just don’t get a minute to myself” – usually translates to if I carry online this what will happen, when does it end? (Future what ifs)

“I keep getting terrible headaches” – usually translates to what is wrong with me, is this something serious, how will I manage if it is, who will take care of my children? (Future what ifs)

I would love you to reflect on how much of your suffering is really about the here and now, or if it is in actual fact more about the what ifs, the stories we create trying to predict the future and believe we are in control!

How can you start to reduce your overwhelm starting right NOW? Even just picking one will make a difference!

*Treat yourself with compassion NOT criticism

*Adjust your expectations, lower that pressure

*Remember we are only ever doing the best we can given our thinking at the time

*We are enough!

*Ask yourself…would you treat your closest friend or family in the same way you treat or talk to yourself?

*Ask yourself…right in this very second am I OK?

 KEEP UP TO DATE WITH BROOD:

* indicates required
Please select all the ways you would like to hear from Brood Magazine:
You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the link in the footer of our emails. For information about our privacy practices, please visit our website.
We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By clicking below to subscribe, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp's privacy practices here.

Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more

Sarie Taylor – Coach and mum of two

Sarie Taylor – Coach and mum of two

SUCCESSFUL MUMPRENEUR Sarie TAYLOR, is a parent to a 15 year old with another on the way…

 

Sarie Taylor is a trained psychotherapist and a coach who works with people across the world with a wide range of issues. Having suffered with severe anxiety for many years herself, Sarie also has personal experience and an understanding of what it feels like to struggle. Sarie will be a regular contributor for BROOD magazine, answering questions, sharing ideas and helping our readers understand more about the principles that eventually helped her transform her anxieties, relationships and business – enabling her to fall in love with life again!

43 year old Sarie is a parent to a 15 year old, Maia, with a another on the way! 

________________________________________________________________________________________

With Maia being a teenager now, what made you decide to go again?

It may sound silly but we have been ‘thinking’ about it for the last 15 years, I am not sure where the time went! On reflection, I know that I always wanted loads of children – being the eldest of five siblings, I had always desired a big family of my own. The reality was that I had one child 15 years ago, and then didn’t have any more until now aged 43. This is a whole other story in itself, but its due to me not trusting myself or feeling capable since suffering with anxiety and depression for many years in my early 20s right through to my 30s, and so I stopped myself from progressing with what my heart desired, as I was scared. Looking back I now know that I didn’t need to be, but I cant  change the past, only look forward and that brought me to being 43 and thinking ‘sod it why not!’

How did Maia react to becoming a big sister?

Maia has been amazing (I know we are biased) but she is always so understanding and full of compassion. There have been some doubts for her creep in naturally, as she has only ever known being an only child and having our full undivided attention, so she probably struggles to imagine at times what it will be like with a new member of the family after all these years! Although I wanted to wait till I was 12 weeks to tell her in case of anything happening, being a teen and not missing a trick it was about 6 hours before she asked me if was I pregnant! I have to be conscious of not putting any pressure on her when the baby arrives, but I am also sure she will be a great help (voluntarily) and I cant wait to see the bond she develops with her baby sister. We have bought her a t-shirt saying big sister which she may have to wear when out on her own with the baby so she doesn’t get mistaken for a mum! (This is not what she wants just yet – no judgment on anyone that does!)

Have you noticed a big different this time around being pregnant over 40?

This pregnancy has been different as I have suffered with HG sickness (again a whole other story) and its been really tough, weight loss, lack of energy and appetite, as well as it being a huge shift in my ability to just perform daily tasks. However, mentally I am so much more chilled and able to take what comes in this pregnancy in my stride. I am not feeling the urge to be in control (which obviously I can’t anyway!). I have only just started to buy things for the baby at 6 months (we have no nursery as yet) I haven’t googled much or read a single book, and as for the birth, what will be will be. This is  a very different outlook for me to how I was 15 years ago with Maia; full of anxiety and the need to be in control. (I believe this was a huge factor on how I was post natal too). I have joked that I am in denial, but in all honesty, I am just pretty relaxed about the whole thing overall. This doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments though! In fact when I found out I was pregnant I was in a state of panic and shock for a few days!

Do you think there’s stigma attached to ladies falling pregnant over 40?

I was torn with this question and so my answer is yes and no – let me explain. I am consistently told (and was from the beginning) that I am classed as high risk  – as I am an older mum. What I am more at risk of is nobody’s business. I am not one to worry too much about what might or might not happen, I am focused mainly on now. Overall I am pretty fit and well. (I have gotten very used to sickness and the weird food issues I have, like no longer being able to eat any meat). This hasn’t always come easily to me though, it’s through years of training and now working as a psychotherapist and coach that has dramatically changed my relationship with anxiety, and therefore my every day experience of life, including pregnancy. Although I don’t dismiss an experts point of view, I let it go in one ear and out of the other; until maybe there comes a time when I do need to pay attention, but I trust my body will make me listen up! I am much more trusting of my body and the wonder of nature in getting me through whatever comes my way. Even with the weight loss and sickness, baby is growing just as she is supposed to because our bodies do what they need to do without us having to interfere. Outside of professionals telling me I am ‘older’ I have had a few comments of ‘you must be mad’ but the majority of people and my friends especially think it’s wonderful and exciting, and they don’t seem to give my age a second thought! Another advantage of being a bit later in life is that I now surround myself with amazing supportive friends, who don’t tend to judge my life choices and support me no matter what. Having said that people do make interesting assumptions, the main one being that myself and my husbands relationship is fairly new, that we’re on our second marriage, when in fact we have been together 23 years! This just makes us laugh and we usually make a comment like we haven’t been lucky enough to find anyone else yet! I honestly believe we have a choice as to whether we are stigmatised or not, hence my and yes and no. There is the potential to feel that there is stigma or that things can be against us, but I am choosing not to take that on and it’s working out well for me so far!

Are you worried about maintaining your successful business now that you are becoming a mum again? 

Not really no. I feel so grateful that I am now in a position where I run my own business and have so much flexibility that it makes my life so much easier. I am not going to lie though, I have worked hard for the last 15 years to get to this place, and it wasn’t always easy (another advantage of being an older mum) but we now find ourselves in a good position. My business will run as usual with the support I already have, and the fact it doesn’t feel like work for me also helps, as I plan to be working after two weeks. I will get the best of both worlds – and again I am very grateful for that. This means that my business will not disappear whilst I navigate becoming a new mum again, but I have so much support and structure to my business now that I can do this for the most part with ease. Again, I am not under any illusions that this will be tough at times, but by showing myself tonnes of compassion and asking for help when I need it, I know I will get through whatever I face.

Any tips for ladies wanting to do it all? Run a business, loving family and tackle personal goals?

We can do it all BUT not with perfection! Once we let go of the idea of perfection and how things should and shouldn’t be, and we are more in flow with what feels right and good for us, things fall into place. The main three things I would consider here are:

Compassion, compassion compassion…

We can not expect to get it all right the first time, we will need to make adjustments and changes as we go, depending on what life throws at us. Changing direction and focus isn’t failure, its growth and progression. During the times when things become challenging and we start with the negative self talk i.e ‘I cant do it’ are the times we need to cut ourselves some slack and show ourselves love and compassion, we need to remember that we are doing our best!

Small steps…

The amount of times I have felt like giving up because getting what I want, the balance in life, has felt impossible – they are the times to keep going! Consistency is key for developing and building a life/business you love. We don’t need to have it all figured out straight away. In fact you might be disappointed if you believe you do, as things rarely turn out how we imagined – often they can be even better! We are not looking to move mountains, we are just looking to start and keep going. Small steps in the right direction can lead to huge changes in your experience of life.

Ask for help and support before you feel completely overwhelmed.

Most people initially come to me when they are in some kind of crisis, which is OK, but we know well before that when we need support from others, although we may resist as we ‘should’ be able to manage. We are not built to be on this planet alone, reach out and ask for help as soon as you recognise you may need it. There is no shame in getting support. I could not have the balance and contentment I have in life at the moment without others; family, business mentors, friends, professional mentors, colleagues and the list goes on. I wouldn’t be without any of them! See support as the water that the seeds need to grow, there is no shame in support, its a necessity!

 KEEP UP TO DATE WITH BROOD:

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Related Articles

IS GUILT A GIVEN WHEN YOU ARE A WORKING PARENT?

When I started to really see that my feelings of guilt came from the thoughts I had about myself, I started to see guilt as a wonderful alarm and indicator for me to actually lower my expectations of myself, relieve the pressure and be much more patient and compassionate with myself! It is simply and indicator that our thoughts have gone off in an unhelpful direction.

read more