When you run your own business alongside raising your brood, there can be many times where you feel guilty for ‘neglecting’ your children. We’ve all had to put another film on or give them extra time on their iPads to continue working. The anxiety and guilt from doing so can be quite overwhelming. When you’re working you feel like you should be with the kids, and when you’re with the kids, you feel like you should be working! It can be a never-ending cycle of feeling like you are failing in some way, every day. But what if your hard work and juggling everything was inspiring your children? What if instead of focusing on things we haven’t managed to do as parents, we focus on the things we have done? What if we are paving the way for showing our children that they can be or do whatever they want? That their dreams are achievable. This is exactly what happened with the entrepreneurial Mum of 2 Lisa Morton.
A letter to myself: Lisa Morton
A retrospective letter to herself
By Lisa Morton, Business Owner & mum of 2
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Lisa Morton © Tom Pitfield Photography for BROOD Magazine
You are frightened about your ability to do all of this on your own – and you are worried that you will screw the kids up, because you know that they would rather be with you than with somebody else.
You grew up believing that women could have it all. And now you don’t want it all. You don’t want to have to have all the answers and do all the things. It’s the worst deal ever.
You are also guilty ALL of the time: when you’re not with them – and when you have to duck out of something at work, because being a mum comes first. And people give you “that” look.
But it’s going to be fine. They will be fine. You will be fine. It’s going to be great. I promise. You do know this in your heart.
Nina will not hold it against you forever that it wasn’t you, but your mum, who took her for her six-week check. She will know that it wasn’t your fault that your most senior team member resigned whilst you were on the delivery table – and tried to tank your business the same day. And that you had to go back to work after five days. She also knows there’s a special place somewhere for a woman who would do that.
She will also come to terms with the fact that she was pushed to the clinic for her check-up that day in her pram, with a makeshift plastic sheeting cover with holes punched in it that the lads at Jack’s DIY sorted out, because it started throwing it down and mum had forgotten the pram hood.
Lisa Morton © Tom Pitfield Photography for BROOD Magazine
Alex will not be neglected as the first born being still under two, when his baby sister arrived. I know he was absolutely fuming, and you were terrified that he would hate you, bewildered about how huge he suddenly looked – and so sad and guilty that he was no longer your baby.
He wasn’t the sacrificial lamb, he will stop looking at you like dirt, and you will have a wonderful relationship. He’s going to make you laugh your head off and grow up to be a loving, clever, kind, young man.
However, he will NOT ever forgive you for not allowing him to have a toy from FAO Schwartz in New York because he kicked his sister in the face the night before. EVER. You will never forgive yourself either.
You will look back and laugh (rather than want to hide in shame) when one of Nina’s first fully formed sentences – delivered to a group of full-time mums – is a loud “Where’s my bloody mobile?”
However, you will discover that as an amazing, beautiful, kind and ferociously loyal young woman, she’s still partial to a well-placed expletive. You say she gets that off her dad. He says it’s definitely off you.
You will look eventually look back and have compassionate self-talk – because you did everything you could to make those kids loved, secure, good human beings, whilst working to provide opportunities that having a business could bring. You also needed to work for you, because you have loved it. Most of the time.
And when you see their desire for personal success, their creativity, their work ethic, their continual search for new business ideas and opportunities – and that they are also both helping you in your businesses in different ways – you will feel a deep sense of pride, gratitude and love.
You will have no doubt then, that you haven’t in fact, screwed up the kids’ lives because you had virtually no maternity leave, and have been a business owner as well as their mum.
You managed reading at school every Friday afternoon, you went to every nativity and musical, every football match (although Alex still says you don’t watch football – you look at it) and you did manage to make it as a proper school mum on a few school outings, even though you lost six fully costumed eight-year-old Centurions on a day trip to Chester.
It was all fine. They are fine. You are fine. Everyone is absolutely great. You really knew this in your heart all along.
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