As you’re going away filming The Good Ship Murder again this year Shayne, how are you both feeling about it and have you put anything in place based on what you learnt the first time around?
Shayne – “I hate being away from my kids, but knowing that I have to do it – I have to keep a roof over our heads, it’s just part and parcel of being in this industry, but I know I’m going to really, really miss them.”
Sophie – “I think it will be harder for you this time”
Shayne – “Yeah, it will be harder for me this time because my son is a lot and I’m used to spending every day with him. I have this amazing bond with him, just like I have with Willow”
Sophie – “Willow understands a bit more though doesn’t she?”
Shayne – “Yeah, Willow understands, but for the little man, Reign, he’s not going to understand, god bless him and that kind of sits on my mind a lot. There’s no doubt about it, I’m sure I’ll have a few cries while I’m out there filming, but I think the positives of this time around is that we’ve had the experience from the first season, so we’ve already started planning and putting things in place for while I’m away.”
Sophie – “Yeah, I think this time is totally different, as Reign was only 6 weeks old the first time, so I wasn’t totally with it [she laughs] but this time around I feel a lot more in control and obviously there’s a bit more time to plan. Obviously, I’m not from up north, so all my family are down south, but they are all really good and they do rally round and my friends have done a rota for each weekend – so I just have to get through the week! [she laughs] Reign will eventually start nursery too for a couple of days, which will be amazing and allow me a chance to get a bit of order. But I think I’m just going to go into it, half expecting to fly by the seat of my pants, but also trying to have a bit more of a positive attitude about it than I had the first time around. I do think Reign will find it hard not having Shayne here, and of course, even though Willow understands it’s still hard for her too, but I’m trying to explain that it will be different to last time, as obviously last time a new baby came and then Daddy went away, but this time it’s going to be ok – I think [She laughs nervously] ”
What is your favourite thing about being a parent?
Shayne – “My favourite thing about being a parent, without sounding too cliche, is exactly that, I just love being a dad. Everytime I hear my little girl saying ‘Daddy’ it just warms my heart and now I have a son, too and he’s saying ‘Daddy’ and honestly there’s just so many reasons why I love being a parent, there’s too many to name.”
Sophie – “I think my favourite thing about being a parent is getting to see the world again in a different light. You get to see the magic it holds, and all the adventures that you can have and the positivity that it has. I feel really grateful to witness the world again through their eyes because sometimes as adults you get so bogged down with stuff and negative thoughts you don’t always notice those positives. And there’s no judgement with little kids.”
“When you think of how excited Willow gets when we go on our adventures. We call them the Ward adventures”
Shayne – “Yeah, we do this thing where we all put our hands in the middle and put our hands on top of each other and say, ‘Waaaarrrd Adventures!’
Sophie – “Yeah, you see that excitement and I think it’s just nice to experience that again!”
Shayne – “Oh, and of course being woken up at 3 am in the morning!” [We laugh]
Being a parent comes with constant pressures, what do you feel is the biggest pressure that you’ve felt since becoming a parent and does that pressure come from yourself or society?
Sophie – “I think the biggest pressure I feel is to always get things right. I also feel a lot of pressure to make sure that my kids are happy all the time and try and navigate hard situations for them, but I’m starting to learn that I can’t do that all the time. That it’s part of their journey, especially with Willow as she’s getting older and things she’s coming across at school, like friendship dynamics and her expectations of herself. I’ve always wanted to try and fix things, but I realise that I can’t do that all the time and I find that really hard – I think that is just pressure that I put on myself. And obviously allowing her to have those big emotions and allowing her to be upset, learning that it’s ok for her to go through things and to be upset is hard. I think especially as a Mum, (I’m not sure if Dad’s feel this way), but I think Mum’s definitely put themselves under pressure within society, and a lot of the time we think we don’t, but we do. I remember with Willow making sure she only ate everything Organic and that she had every gadget and worrying – was she walking at the right time? Was she meeting all the milestones? But since Reign has come along I’ve realised that they all develop in their own time, and that my kids are happy and healthy and that is all that matters. That if they eat something other than some steamed veg and some organic milk, then that’s ok. What’s your biggest pressure? [She turns to Shayne]
Shayne – “That’s pretty much the answer. I think that it’s just because we stress because we want to be the best parents that we can be and we just want them to feel loved and protected. That they know they can come to us at any time at any place. I think being aware of how fast time goes too, and not wanting to wish time away is a pressure too.”
Sophie – “I think social media adds to the pressure too, that wasn’t around years ago, but now you can feel like you’ve got to keep up with things. I find that a pressure and I catch myself thinking, ‘I should be doing that.’ ‘I should be doing this’
Sophie you’re currently studying, how have you found juggling parenthood around your studies and what do you do to keep yourself motivated to keep going?
Sophie – “I’ve always been interested in counselling, especially person centred counselling and the reason why I finally decided to start at Uni was purely because, it was taking a bit longer to fall pregnant with our second and I needed something to give me a bit of sanity around that time, as it was quite a tough time. So. I thought now is the perfect time to start this, Willow was starting school. And I loved it, and I was good at it. So I’m in my third year and I think the thing that keeps me going is – well first of all when I start something I find it really hard to stop! But I think what’s kept me motivated is that I actually really love Willow seeing me studying. I go every Thursday and she says, ‘Are you going to college Mummy?’ and the fact she sees me as an older person, not saying I’m old, but I mean as an adult she’s seeing me going learning something new and gaining knowledge, and I love that she sees that, and I love the fact that she’s proud of me. I also think a lot of my motivation just comes from the fact that I love it and that I enjoy it. I do find it hard juggling though, especially as Reign is not in a nursery and Shayne can be away at times working, but I just try and make it work. We don’t really have a lot of childcare up here, so we just try and muddle between the two of us and my mum comes up [from down south] to help which is great.”