Interview with Shayne Ward & Sophie Austin

Interview with Shayne Ward & Sophie Austin

Est. Reading Time: 64 minutes

Interview: Shayne Ward & Sophie Austin

__________________________________

“…going away and not seeing my daughter or my newborn son, it was very tough!.”–  Shayne Ward

Most of us remember Shayne Ward’s rise to fame clearly, as X-Factor fever swept the nation. Shayne became a heartthrob overnight and his debut single ‘That’s my goal’ was released on the 21st December 2005 and became the Christmas number one. The hit single sold 313,000 copies on the first day of sales, making it the third fastest selling single in the UK of all time. His debut album also topped the charts in 2006, and went 4x platinum in the UK and Ireland. Nine years after becoming a household name through his music career, Shayne joined one of Britain’s most loved soap operas, becoming Coronation Street’s Aiden Connor.

Shayne Ward image © ITV X Factor

Shayne Ward and Sophie Austin

Shayne Ward, Sophie Austin and their children by Tom Pitfield © BROOD Magazine

Shayne Ward and Sophie Austin

Shayne Ward and Sophie Austin © BROOD Magazine

It was during his time on Coronation Street that Shayne met Sophie Austin, an actress who was playing Lindsey Butterfield in Hollyoaks at the time.The couple had a whirlwind romance and welcomed their first child, daughter Willow May in December 2016, and then announced their engagement in 2017. Sophie had just announced that she was going to leave Hollyoaks, finding out shortly after that she was expecting the couple’s first child, so she was unsure as to what this would mean for her career, but she still went on to star in ITV’s Tina and Bobby, Call The Midwife and Casualty. After a long and emotional journey to add a second baby to their family, the couple were blessed with their beautiful boy, Reign. Only 6 weeks after Reign was born, Shayne was offered a career opportunity that was too good to miss, playing the lead role in Channel 5’s The Good Ship Murder, but it meant that he had to film abroad for 3 months; with a new baby, a 5 year old and University studies Sophie had to juggle like never before, so with Shayne soon to embark on filming the second season abroad we sat down with the lovely Shayne and Sophie, to talk all about all things parenthood, career and their lovely family. 

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At what point in your career did you become parents and did it affect your career at all?  

Sophie – “I fell pregnant as I was leaving Hollyoaks. I’d decided to leave Hollyoaks because I wanted to do loads of other things and then I found out that I was pregnant! It sounds awful but at the time I thought well that’s it, I’m not going to be able to progress from here for a while. But my agent was brilliant and got me two jobs really early on in my pregnancy so actually I worked throughout my pregnancy.

Shayne – “So I was working at Coronation Street, and I met the lovely Sophie – and we know how that goes! [We laugh] No, but honestly it was the best feeling in the world, but it was also scary at the same time. I think just experiencing such a wide range of emotions because you know from that moment that it would change both of our lives forever. This little miracle came into our lives and now she’s eight.”

Sophie – “No she’s not eight, she’s seven, Shayne!” [We laugh as Shayne pauses and thinks for a moment] 

Shayne – “Yeah. she’s eight this year.’ 

Sophie – “She’s just turned seven”

Shayne- “You didn’t let me finish, I was going to say she’s eight this year…” 

Sophie – “In December” [We continue to laugh]

Shayne – “This is real-life couples y’all! The best thing is you actually do find yourself going – how old is she?”    

And how different has it been since Reign has come along?

Shayne – “There’s a big difference!” [They both laugh] “He’s just a little wreck it Reign!” 

 

Sophie – “Willow would come along to jobs quite a lot, when she was a baby, we could just take her anywhere, but he would cause havoc!”

Shayne – “He’s just a little ball of energy, he’s really strong too! He is an absolute joy though”  

Sophie – “And also workwise for me, a lot of it is to do with the fact that Shayne goes away a lot. And I have a lot of anxiety when I leave them and even though there are still lots of things that I would love to do, my attitude is that – maybe not right now but it will happen in the future. I feel a bit mixed with it at the moment, because there is so much I would love to do, so there’s that battle of wanting to do it, but the need to always have one of us at home.

 

How did Willow find becoming a big sister?

Shayne – “The bond between them is incredible. You do worry about what the oldest child is going to feel about the second coming along. Worrying that we’re not paying her enough attention. But, Willow instantly got it. Of course every now and again she had moments where you could see she was missing her time with just us, or her and mummy time, you know, but overall she loves being a big sister and watching them together is amazing!”

What has been the most challenging time that you have gone through since becoming a parent”

Sophie – “The most challenging time has to be when Reign was 6 weeks old and Shayne left for 3 months [Shayne’s face makes us all laugh]…to do the show.”

Shayne – ‘It’s the way she words it, ‘Reign was born, and Shayne left!’ [We all laugh] 

Sophie – “I still replay that scenario. I was sitting on the couch, breastfeeding Reign and Shayne comes in and says I‘ve got an audition, but don’t worry they don’t start filming until November – this was in the June – and then he comes back in and says, ‘Oh no, sorry, it’s filming until November’ And I said, ‘well when are you flying?’ And he said, ‘Next week!’ I don’t think I spoke to him for 24 hours, purely because I was in shock. Then of course I realised it was an amazing opportunity, but having just had a baby, that was definitely the most challenging time.”

Shayne – “For me, it was being on the receiving end of that! That was very challenging!” [We laugh] “No, but it was scary and obviously I was heartbroken as well, as for me going away and not seeing my daughter or my newborn son, it was very tough. Being in a country and not seeing them every day, as silly as it sounds I kept worrying that they might not remember me.”

Shayne Ward and his daughter Willow
Jorgie Porter

As you’re going away filming The Good Ship Murder again this year Shayne, how are you both feeling about it and have you put anything in place based on what you learnt the first time around? 

Shayne – “I hate being away from my kids, but knowing that I have to do it – I have to keep a roof over our heads, it’s just part and parcel of being in this industry, but I know I’m going to really, really miss them.” 

Sophie – “I think it will be harder for you this time” 

Shayne – “Yeah, it will be harder for me this time because my son is a lot and I’m used to spending every day with him. I have this amazing bond with him, just like I have with Willow”

Sophie – “Willow understands a bit more though doesn’t she?” 

Shayne – “Yeah, Willow understands, but for the little man, Reign, he’s not going to understand, god bless him and that kind of sits on my mind a lot. There’s no doubt about it, I’m sure I’ll have a few cries while I’m out there filming, but I think the positives of this time around is that we’ve had the experience from the first season, so we’ve already started planning and putting things in place for while I’m away.”

Sophie – “Yeah, I think this time is totally different, as Reign was only 6 weeks old the first time, so I wasn’t totally with it [she laughs] but this time around I feel a lot more in control and obviously there’s a bit more time to plan. Obviously, I’m not from up north, so all my family are down south, but they are all really good and they do rally round and my friends have done a rota for each weekend – so I just have to get through the week! [she laughs] Reign will eventually start nursery too for a couple of days, which will be amazing and allow me a chance to get a bit of order. But I think I’m just going to go into it, half expecting to fly by the seat of my pants, but also trying to have a bit more of a positive attitude about it than I had the first time around. I do think Reign will find it hard not having Shayne here, and of course, even though Willow understands it’s still hard for her too, but I’m trying to explain that it will be different to last time, as obviously last time a new baby came and then Daddy went away, but this time it’s going to be ok – I think [She laughs nervously]  ”           

What is your favourite thing about being a parent?    

Shayne “My favourite thing about being a parent, without sounding too cliche, is exactly that, I just love being a dad. Everytime I hear my little girl saying ‘Daddy’ it just warms my heart and now I have a son, too and he’s saying ‘Daddy’ and honestly there’s just so many reasons why I love being a parent, there’s too many to name.”

Sophie – “I think my favourite thing about being a parent is getting to see the world again in a different light. You get to see the magic it holds, and all the adventures that you can have and the positivity that it has. I feel really grateful to witness the world again through their eyes because sometimes as adults you get so bogged down with stuff and negative thoughts you don’t always notice those positives. And there’s no judgement with little kids.”

“When you think of how excited Willow gets when we go on our adventures. We call them the Ward adventures” 

Shayne – “Yeah, we do this thing where we all put our hands in the middle and put our hands on top of each other and say, ‘Waaaarrrd Adventures!’ 

Sophie – “Yeah, you see that excitement and I think it’s just nice to experience that again!”

Shayne – “Oh, and of course being woken up at 3 am in the morning!” [We laugh]

Being a parent comes with constant pressures, what do you feel is the biggest pressure that you’ve felt since becoming a parent and does that pressure come from yourself or society?  

Sophie“I think the biggest pressure I feel is to always get things right. I also feel a lot of pressure to make sure that my kids are happy all the time and try and navigate hard situations for them, but I’m starting to learn that I can’t do that all the time. That it’s part of their journey, especially with Willow as she’s getting older and things she’s coming across at school, like friendship dynamics and her expectations of herself. I’ve always wanted to try and fix things, but I realise that I can’t do that all the time and I find that really hard – I think that is just pressure that I put on myself. And obviously allowing her to have those big emotions and allowing her to be upset, learning that it’s ok for her to go through things and to be upset is hard. I think especially as a Mum, (I’m not sure if Dad’s feel this way), but I think Mum’s definitely put themselves under pressure within society, and a lot of the time we think we don’t, but we do. I remember with Willow making sure she only ate everything Organic and that she had every gadget and worrying – was she walking at the right time? Was she meeting all the milestones? But since Reign has come along I’ve realised that they all develop in their own time, and that my kids are happy and healthy and that is all that matters. That if they eat something other than some steamed veg and some organic milk, then that’s ok. What’s your biggest pressure? [She turns to Shayne]

Shayne – “That’s pretty much the answer. I think that it’s just because we stress because we want to be the best parents that we can be and we just want them to feel loved and protected. That they know they can come to us at any time at any place. I think being aware of how fast time goes too, and not wanting to wish time away is a pressure too.”

Sophie – “I think social media adds to the pressure too, that wasn’t around years ago, but now you can feel like you’ve got to keep up with things. I find that a pressure and I catch myself thinking, ‘I should be doing that.’ ‘I should be doing this’ 

Sophie you’re currently studying, how have you found juggling parenthood around your studies and what do you do to keep yourself motivated to keep going? 

Sophie – “I’ve always been interested in counselling, especially person centred counselling and the reason why I finally decided to start at Uni was purely because, it was taking a bit longer to fall pregnant with our second and I needed something to give me a bit of sanity around that time, as it was quite a tough time. So. I thought now is the perfect time to start this, Willow was starting school. And I loved it, and I was good at it. So I’m in my third year and I think the thing that keeps me going is – well first of all when I start something I find it really hard to stop! But I think what’s kept me motivated is that I actually really love Willow seeing me studying. I go every Thursday and she says, ‘Are you going to college Mummy?’ and the fact she sees me as an older person, not saying I’m old, but I mean as an adult she’s seeing me going learning something new and gaining knowledge, and I love that she sees that, and I love the fact that she’s proud of me. I also think a lot of my motivation just comes from the fact that I love it and that I enjoy it. I do find it hard juggling though, especially as Reign is not in a nursery and Shayne can be away at times working, but I just try and make it work. We don’t really have a lot of childcare up here, so we just try and muddle between the two of us and my mum comes up [from down south] to help which is great.”

 

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JURASSIC WORLD: THE EXHIBITION

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We were honestly blown away throughout our journey round Jurassic World and it truly was an incredible experience for the whole family. 

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T Rex Jurassic World The Exhibition

Following an initial launch in Melbourne, Australia,Jurassic World: The Exhibition, one of the fastest selling exhibitions in history since its launch, has become a global success with over eight million visitors. The exhibition has opened its gates to excited fans in numerous cities around the world such as Sydney, Toronto, Houston, San Diego, Chicago, Paris, Shanghai, Cologne and Berlin.

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General admission prices for Jurassic World: The Exhibition start at £13 for children (ages 3-15). Family and group tickets are also available as well as special pricing for senior citizens and students. Please note that all tickets are valid for a specific time slot.

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Jenny Powell

Jenny Powell  © Tom Pitfield for BROOD Magazine Ltd

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You’ve had such an incredible career spanning just under four decades, what has been your biggest career highlight to date? 

“Probably the thing I look at, that makes me smile, where I think – Wow! – was when I did these shows called An Experience With…, and one of them was at the O2 for three nights only and that was interviewing Arnold Schwarzenegger on stage and then I did one with Sylvester Stallone too, and we did that one for 4 nights at all the big venues around the UK. It was just one to one with them on stage and that was when I thought, yes, you know this is my groove. I really, really enjoyed that and it wasn’t like a TV show where you get a few minutes with each guest and they might be there to plug a book for example, but this was an hour and a half and that’s when you can really get to cover everything and get into such great conversations. Especially after you’ve interviewed them a couple of times, and I really enjoyed that experience and that was probably my favourite “

During that time what would you say has been your biggest challenge in your life and career so far?

“Probably when I got divorced. Pollyanna was just a newborn and I was on my own, we had just split up and I had postnatal depression. I was still dealing with the shock of the break up of my marriage, when my agent said to me, ‘Right, you can either go one way or the other and I think you should start working as soon as possible’ – so she put me on a live quiz show! {she laughs] And that’s hard because it’s live you can’t get it wrong, and then of all things, there was a technical problem! They’d said to me in my earpiece, can you fill a gap for 7 minutes! I was live on Channel 5 and 7 minutes is a long time! I felt like looking down the camera and going ‘Are you f#*cking joking! Do you know I’ve had a really shit year, I’ve got a newborn baby, me and my husband have just split up!’ [we laugh] So that was probably the biggest challenge, but it was done for a reason because it was done to challenge and distract me.”

And did that distraction of going back to work help you personally and emotionally?

“Yes, I think so because I just had to flip a switch and put my professional head on. And also I’m most at home when I’m doing my job. I think if I would have stayed at home for any longer without working I could have really fallen apart. I actually secretly – I don’t know why I did it secretly, but I just didn’t want to worry anyone – but there was one morning, Pollyanna was lying next to me and she was only a few weeks old and I just couldn’t get out of bed. I just couldn’t move. I think that was all part of the post-natal depression, but it worried me, the impact it would have on the girls. And I just thought I’ve got to do something, so I just literally went online and found a councillor and I used to tell my mum I was going for coffee and she would look after the girls. And I went to see this lady for 6 sessions and I thought – I feel alright now – I just wanted someone to talk to.” 

Jenny Powell

Jenny Powell  © Tom Pitfield for BROOD Magazine

Jenny Powell

A letter to myself – Jenny Powell

“This letter comes with an inspiring energy and positivity that you really didn’t expect after an unexpected motherhood as a single Mum for some time. When you were a Mum the first time around with Connie and still married you were juggling with a successful TV career and trying your hardest to be a good mother and don’t ever feel that either roles were compromised. It was fantastic to have your parents on hand full time to help with child care and over the early years of Connie’s and Pollyanna’s upbringing, how wonderful that they secured a special bond with Mum and Dad and how precious the memories are from holidays to school runs and all that’s in between. Thankfully you were always telling yourself not to feel guilty on the days, and weeks you were away filming and remember how you would dash home on the first train, flight back from wherever you were to get to the school gates or make it back for bedtime stories and the girls now say how they loved those little surprise moments! I know you were always a little bit concerned about having an 8 year gap between them unsure if they would bond as sisters, especially through a divorce at the same time as Pollyanna being born but boy there really was nothing to worry about. If anything they are closer, a perfect sisterly unit who look out for each other and always will. I’m so proud of you for keeping on happy and respectful terms with their father and how the girls have a lovely relationship with other partners, siblings, and families and there has been no bitterness or unhappiness on either side that the girls have had to experience. See, you did good! I know at times it’s been tough, wanting to be everything to everyone and still trying to run an efficient ship both at home and at work but I’m loving the way you seem to get a buzz from making things happen for your children and for you even now you’re in your mid-fifties. Look at Pollyanna, you got her to those football trials, now she’s in a professional squad and you have instilled that mindset that anything is possible. Then there’s Connie, remember when you gave her that book, The Secret, in her early teens and how it has made such an impression on her visualising goals and manifesting her dreams. How amazing it was to spend time in New York when you met your fiance Martin who was living there at the time and how the girls embraced the long lovely Summers in Brooklyn and made memories to cherish forever. Looking back though and earlier on when you were divorced you do still feel bothered that you didn’t really consider Connie’s feelings about all moving to Miami for 3 months when she was 12 years old with Martin and Pollyanna. She missed her friends, school and her Dad too but you were on a Miami mission then and nothing was going to stop you! You know what, there have been moments of doubt, if you were doing the right thing for everyone and if you were setting the right example and there will always be those moments, but communication is key and the fact that the girls know they can tell you anything is a huge result! Stick to your mantra for them Jenny, ” There are no rules, visualise what you want and go get it, but most importantly Mum has got your back and from her, your strength will come !” 

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Dean Holden and Danielle Nicholls
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Against All Odds – Dean Holden and Danielle Nicholls

Against All Odds – Dean Holden and Danielle Nicholls

Est. Reading Time: 47 minutes

Against All Odds: Danielle Nicholls and Dean Holden

By Lolo Stubbs, Editor-in-chief

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When TV presenter Danielle Nicholls married her childhood sweetheart and professional footballer Dean Holden, their life was as near to a fairytale as it gets. After a perfect wedding, Danielle became pregnant on their honeymoon, welcoming a beautiful boy Joey, with their second baby boy, Ellis, arriving only 18 months later. Then the loved up couple completed their family with the arrival of their eagerly awaited princess, Cici, just a few years later.

Life was crazy and chaotic,  just like so many families with three children under five, but it was full to the brim with love. After taking a few years away from the spotlight to concentrate on being a mum, Danielle was ready to return to our screens. Following a successful meeting with a TV Producer, everything was lined up for her comeback. Danielle couldn’t wait to reignite her career, and she was all set for the next stage following a family holiday to Lanzarote. That excitement was soon to become a distant memory though, as no-one could have imagined that what should have been a fun filled family holiday, would have turned into every parent’s worst nightmare. Only 24 hours after leaving Manchester Airport, the loving couple tragically lost their beloved baby girl Cici, who was only 18 months old, to Meningococcal Septicemia – a bacterial infection which causes blood poisoning, leading to sepsis.

Danielle Nicholls, Dean Holden and their family

Danielle Nicholls, Dean Holden and four of their children © BROOD Magazine

Danielle and Dean bravely opened up about how they managed to keep going through the unimaginable heartbreak; the emotional scars they were left with; how they stayed together despite the statistics being stacked against them; how they welcomed another two wonderful children, Mitzy and Chase, into their family, and how against all odds they continued to build an incredible life for themselves and their children – continually honouring the memory of their beautiful baby girl, Cici, along the way.

You’ll find it hard to find a more inspirational couple. Their outlook on life and how they strive to achieve their goals for themselves and their children would motivate anyone.

BROOD Live

Danielle Nicholls, Dean Holden and four of their children © BROOD Magazine

You both had successful careers when you first started a family, how did that look and how did you manage that?   

Dean – “Because of our careers things have always been a bit chaotic, and we’ve always had to commute lots. When we got married I was playing for Peterborough, so I was commuting there half the week from our home in Manchester, and Danielle was travelling throughout the week to London, Birmingham etc.”

Danielle – “I was progressing in my career at the time. I had moved away from Children’s TV and I was doing bits on This Morning and Tricia, and I was also presenting Night Fever on Channel 5. I was still working when I was heavily pregnant with our first child Joey. Then New Years Eve – the tree was still up – and I was ready to pop, Dean comes home from training at Peterborough and says we’re moving to Scotland!”

Dean – “Yes, she was 8 months pregnant, it was the night before a match, and my manager knocked on the door and said, the Scottish Premier League are coming for you, you’re free to talk to them.”

Danielle – “I’ve never been as angry in my life! [she laughs] You know what it’s like with your first baby you plan everything to a tee, then the next thing you know I was packing up the whole house with my sister and brother in law, and we were on our way to Scotland!”

Dean – “Then 18 months after Joey was born we had Ellis, and it wasn’t long after he was born that we moved back to Manchester.”

Danielle – “Yes, and I loved my boys, but I remember thinking I’m way too girly to have boys, I need a girl! [she laughs] So a couple of years later, we tried again, and we were so lucky to get our little princess, Cici. I said, ‘we’ve two boys and a girl. We’re done now!’ We were happy with that. Then when the boys were starting school and Cici was nearly 18 months old, I decided that I was ready to go back to work. Dean was playing for Shrewsbury, we had Media City on our doorstep and we were back in Manchester with our family. So it just felt like the right time.

So I had a meeting with a producer at the BBC, and we were in talks for me to do some work on BBC Bitesize, to get me back into things again. Which was great, but I said well I’m going on holiday next week and he said, ‘You go on your holidays, and I’ll see you when you get back.’ Of course that didn’t happen because Cici died on that holiday.”

I can’t even begin to imagine how devastating the loss of Cici was and how traumatic that was for you all as a family. 

Danielle – “It sounds silly, but I’ve always been quite a spiritual person and I used to get my palm read and they would always say I had a split lifeline. And remember one lady saying, ‘You’re going to really change; you’re going to be one person and then you’re going to be another person.’ And it always puzzled me, but now I know exactly what she means. Because, I don’t think either of us will ever be the same as we were before Cici died. We actually talk about the ‘old Danielle and Dean’, as if they’re different people. Don’t we? [Turns to Dean] Because of what they went through…”

Dean – “…Yeah, we feel sorry for them.”

Danielle – “When I look back, you know, we had our two beautiful boys, our little princess – we didn’t have loads of money, because I had been a stay at home mum for a while – but we didn’t need the flash car and all the trimmings, all we needed was what we had right there.”

Dean – “I think one of the weirdest things was that although I’d just been released by Rochdale, it was the happiest we’d ever been.

And when we go on holiday, it’s chaotic. It always was chaos, every time! The taxi would turn up and we’d be racing round the house, and we would always get to the airport late!”

Danielle – “We’re never organised! We’re always last minute.”

Dean – “Yeah, but that was the strange thing, we were early that time. We were sitting having a brew in the living room, waiting for the taxi. Everything was really calm.”

Danielle – “He kept saying it’s all too smooth this.”

Dean – “And obviously, by the next morning in Lanzarote, Cici passed away. Now when anything is calm and organised with us, it makes me panicky and I start to worry, it’s like a trigger.”

Danielle – “Yes, we obviously both had PTSD after what happened. You know. The trauma of the speed of it. The upset. Being in a foreign country, it was just, I can’t put it into words. She just had a cold, or so we thought, you know. I can still remember her playing in the soft play area in Terminal 1. Everyone was laughing and smiling, looking at her, because she was running up and down carrying one of the soft play blocks over her head.

They’ve moved it now, but for the longest time could never ever go over that side of the airport, because that was the day before she died. You just can’t get your head around that.

I would rather live in the a scene of a horror movie everyday of my life, being chased by someone with a chainsaw or a machete, than to ever have to live that day ever again! It felt like we were in a horror movie.

I remember following the ambulance in a taxi – they wouldn’t let us in the ambulance, because they were trying to save her life. We just knew it was bad, didn’t we? [Turns to Dean] I think we left our body, when you’re that frightened you do just leave your body, because I can remember everything so vividly, yet it doesn’t feel like it was me.”

Dean – “I think for a long time after we just survived. Obviously you have to look after yourself to some extent because of our kids. And then the realisation hit us, that we didn’t want the kids to grow up with parents who are always sad. You know, we didn’t want them to think, they were ok until Cici died, but then they became alcoholics or they split up, etc, because the stats are against you and if you look at the internet in terms of that – it’s a bit of a scary place. So, we went the other way  and we made a decision to make a go of our lives.

For a long time we couldn’t have spoken about it like this, but the physiological work we’ve done is the reason we can. We’ve done all sorts of things to get here – for example, I’m a big fan of Wim Hof. To learn about your brain and how it deals with trauma is really helpful and now we are in a position where hopefully people can look at us 12 years on, and it gives people hope. Yes, we’ve got a tragic story, but we are still together. Although we have had our issues and it has been difficult at times, but we’re still here – together. We’re doing well in our careers, our kids are happy and healthy, so hopefully it provides some inspiration for others that may have experienced losing a child too, or another trauma.”

Danielle –  “Yes, that’s definitely what we hope we can do, because there is no point saying it doesn’t affect you. I feel like I was a ghost for ten years of my life, and just to be able to talk about the day was a huge step for me. I couldn’t ever talk about it, it would make me feel ill for a week afterwards.I had to have hypnotherapy and that doesn’t fix it, it just means you don’t emotionally go back there every time.” 

The pain you were suffering at that time must have been excruciating, did having the boys to look after help you to keep going?

Danielle – “Yes. If we didn’t have the boys, we wouldn’t be here now. After Cici died, just a few days after, we sat on the edge of a cliff, and we just looked at each other. We both knew what we were thinking, without saying a word to each other. If it wasn’t for knowing that our boys were back at the villa, [both Danielle and Dean become emotional]  I swear that neither of us would be here today. The pain was physical. It’s unimaginable. Unbearable.”

Dean, do you remember that first football match after Cici died?

Dean – “I didn’t have a club at the time, I was 33 years old, I didn’t have an agent and so I spent my summer ringing round clubs. Dean Smith at Walsall was my saviour. He was like our angel, because most managers would have said, you’re 33, you’ve had loads of injuries etc, and Dean said, ‘I’m really worried about your family situation’ – it was only a few weeks after Cici had died – and he said he couldn’t make a decision on it straight away. So I started doing meditation twice a day, going to see a psychologist, etc and he gave me an opportunity as a player/coach and I wouldn’t be in the game without him. And from then on I was just programmed to make him proud. And pre-season is ridiculously hard, any footballer will tell you that, so I had to focus. We hadn’t made anywhere near enough money for me to retire, it’s not like people may think. We had no savings, we lived day to day, so I had no choice, and I wasn’t prepared to lose my career, or my marriage, or for our family to suffer anymore, on top of losing my daughter. There was just something inside me, and I had to keep thinking this isn’t going to break us.

That’s obviously how I got into coaching, and now I’m a manager. I have always loved football, for as long as I can remember. Every memory as a kid involves football and I never thought I would love anything as much as I love playing football, but the manager eclipses that, I absolutely love it. When your team wins a match it’s a great feeling. I also think when you go into management and you’ve had experiences personally that you would never ever choose in a million years, it helps you to empathise in a way that the coaching courses can’t teach you.”

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Danielle, at what point did you know that you needed to start working on your career again and how important do you think it has been for you?

Danielle – “It was covid. Dean had got a great manager’s job at Bristol, and I’m not going to lie I was a bit jealous, because he was off living the dream and because of covid there were a lot of restrictions and so most of the time I was at home with the children. And I had started doing online gaming, as a way of switching off, but also as a way of spending time and having fun with my teenage boys. Then my brother said we should start streaming and suppose that gave me a little taster, although it wasn’t what I wanted to do and then when the lockdowns hit I genuinely had a bit of a midlife crisis. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t know who I was anymore. It sounds so cliche, but I was suddenly like ‘I’m Dean’s wife, I’m the kids’ mum, but who am i?’ and I can remember my mum saying it when I was younger, but it’s so true. It turns out I was also going through perimenopause and it really is a difficult period in a woman’s life. On top of that I lost access to the support groups that had kept me going and I couldn’t go to the gym, or see friends and my mental health really started to suffer. And I got to the stage where I looked at Dean and my kids – and I’ve only ever loved my kids – but I just felt like I wanted to walk away from it all. Thankfully, because I had done so much work over the years, I found myself observing myself and thinking – what is going on here? I love being a mum, I love being a wife. I love my husband, I love my kids, what is wrong with me? But then it was almost like a phoenix from the flames moment, because sometimes when everything falls to shit, you should grab that moment, because that is your moment to reinvent yourself and that’s what I did! So I sorted out my hormones. I realised I had lost myself and I needed to do something about it.”

Dean – “Danielle getting her career back saved our marriage.”

What challenges did you face, in terms of getting back into the world of TV?

Danielle – “I met with an agent and she said ‘You’re on the wrong side of 40 love, you’ve got no chance, you won’t work in TV again!’

And I asked her how old she was. She said 52, and I said to her so the last 10 years have been non existent to you? And she replied by saying, ‘yes well I’ve never stopped working though, you can’t do what you’ve done and then just come back!’ Like it was a luxury, or choice! And I said, ‘I don’t expect to just waltz back in. And I also intended to come back to this years ago!’ But, with TV presenting you’ve got to give a part of you and I couldn’t sit there, putting a front on, knowing that inside I was still a big mess. So, I had to take that time to figure stuff out. Dean was my hero, [Danielle holds back the tears] because he never stopped working, he never took that time to heal – he didn’t get the chance because he had to support us and those kids, and I don’t know how he did it.”

Dean – “I was going to an event, near the shard in London, and Danielle came with me and she bumped into an old colleague from CITV, who was now working at Talk TV as a producer and he asked her if she wanted to come on the show the next day as a guest. And we were actually due to go on holiday the next day, but the opportunity was just what she needed so I went on holiday with kids on my own.”

Danielle – “People are reluctant to take a chance on you when you’ve not done anything for a while, but you can’t do anything until someone gives you a chance and Chuck, was my angel.”

Dean – “And now she’s got her own Saturday night show!” 

You both have an amazing drive to keep going towards your goals and dreams despite the challenges you may face? How do you maintain that level of motivation?

Dean – “The thing is nothing is handed to you on a plate. We grew up in Swinton in Manchester and we worked hard to get to somewhere in our careers and we want to instil that message into our kids. But you do get knocks, setbacks  along the way, like when I was playing for Bolton, Everton put a bid in for me, but on that same day I broke my leg. I lost a 1cm and a half off my leg bone. I was 19 and was never the same player again. I’ve broken my leg three times – and never had a free kick for any of them by the way [he laughs] and so I lost about 5 or 6 years of my career in the end. But, I made the most of my career, I played till I was 35, despite it not being the career I dreamt I would have had in football. The key to all of it, which I truly believe in my heart is when we found true gratitude and that takes a long time, but when you can wake up in the morning and go to sleep every night and just be grateful to the universe for what you’ve got, it’s a magical thing because it takes away all the feeling sorry for yourself. Cici was a blessing and for a long time I would have done anything to erase my memories because it was just so painful, I would have lost all the love and everything just to lose the pain, but now I can look at it differently.”

Danielle – “It’s so hard to wake up with a positive attitude when you’ve spent 10 years waking up to remember that your child has died. Every Chrsitmas, every birthday, someone is missing, and you learn to live with the sadness and the pain, but it never goes away. You never wake up being ok with the fact she’s gone, but wake up knowing it’s ok to carry on, that’s what you learn.”

Dean – “I got sacked three days ago, and that’s hard to deal with, but no pain will ever compare to what we’ve been through, so It’s just wasted oxygen feeling angry about stuff. Obviously when it happened, the first night I was upset and angry, and we talked it through. But,then I was like, right, how can I move forward, who can I surround myself with to get back in the business. I know that phone will ring and i’ll be back in the game.”

Danielle – “I think people need to talk more about what they’re going through. We’ve got our trauma yes, but I think most people are walking around harbouring some kind of trauma and we need to feel able to be more open about it. That’s why I love doing Talk TV, because they allow the discussions and the debates. People don’t need the portrayal of this perfect picture anymore. They need realness. People need to be able to talk about how hard it is trying to balance their careers alongside bringing up the kids, and to balance living with trauma and going through the knocks of life on top of that, and I feel lucky to be in the position that I can vocalise that.” 

Both of your careers have meant that you have had to split your time between London and Manchester recently. With all 4 children in school in Manchester how have you managed to juggle it all?

“It’s absolutely chaotic at times. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t completely shattered sometimes. But, it’s been a juggle. I’ve been so exhausted, but so content, so it’s completely worth it. Thankfully we’ve got good family and friends, who we know we can count on for support. Luckily we’re at a nice stage where the oldest is able to look after our youngest – only for short periods of time but he’s perfectly capable. The older ones are so good with the younger ones. And when the kids have to pitch in I say to them, we’re a family, we’re a team, we work together and if we all help each other we’ll all benefit in the long run. We are both doing what we love doing and that’s so important.”

UPDATE MAY 2024:

Since this interview Dean was appointed as assistant manager for Saudi Pro League club Al-Ettifaq, alongside the teams Manager Steven Gerrard. Danielle shared a little insight as to how chaotic it’s been for the family since, in BROOD Edition 3’s BROOD Moments.

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