Talented Ashley James is a TV presenter, model, DJ and Mum of two. Ashley is a familiar face on TV, but she is perhaps most well known at the moment for her presenting role on This Morning and her inspirational, honest and relatable content on social media which has led to Ashley gaining a large social media following of loyal fans.

Ashley’s openness about her mental health battles and her frank approach to the struggles of motherhood have provided comfort to many. It was clear to us that Ashley embodied everything that we are about at BROOD and therefore she would make the perfect cover feature. So we headed to London to do a photoshoot with Ashley and her two beautiful children. During this photoshoot and interview, Ashley further cemented the synergy between her and BROOD and it was a day to remember!

During the shoot her son Alf was getting very upset that he didn’t have a dress like his Mummy and Ada — we don’t blame him, the dresses were AMAZING! Ashley promised that she would get Alf a dress when they got home, as none of the ones at the shoot would fit him. So we absolutely loved seeing Alf get his dress, when Ashley shared what had happened on social media. His little face was priceless!

Ashley James images by Tom Pitfield © BROOD Magazine

And we couldn’t agree more! Now onto the interview…

At what point in your career did you become a Mum and how did you find that transition?

Ashley: “I became a mum right in the middle of lockdown really. So my pregnancy and lockdown were pretty much in sync. It was quite a weird time because the TV studios sort of shut down and I was doing a lot of things on Zoom, and of course I lost all my DJ gigs overnight with lockdown because there weren’t any. So when lockdown lifted and I had Alfie I had to find my feet again in a double sense of the word. I felt this huge pressure to go back to everything really quickly because I’d already not worked for over a year. I wanted to be back DJing, I wanted to see people dancing again, and I wanted to do what I loved. When lockdown lifted, everyone else’s world went back to normal, but I didn’t recognise my world anymore. So the transition was really hard.”

“When I had Ada, one thing I was quite certain about — which people can be quite judgmental of — is that I was going back to work straight away, and I’m very lucky in this industry that that can be accommodated. So Ada has been to the Ministry of Sound, she went to all my fashion brand DJ gigs, and she was there with Dyson headphones on when I was digging for Dyson. She came to Steph’s Packed Lunch back when I was doing that up in Leeds. So we’d get the train together, and the great thing about the Doona is that it’s so easy to transport her anywhere. We would stay in the Holiday Inn doing TV shows. She came with me everywhere for the first six months, and then after that, I had her in full-time childcare, which again lots of people are quite judgmental of, especially given that she was six months old. But I think there’s no such thing as Dad guilt, and we never shame Dads for going back to work — and especially in this climate where not all Mums want to work, but a lot of Mums need to work. She was in the best place for her and I was in the best place for me, and it has really made me a better mum because I get to do what I love and get to be a mum as well.”

What do you think the hardest thing about being a working parent is, especially as your career is rapidly growing and going from strength to strength?

Ashley: “I think there’s quite a cliché quote where it says something like, ‘You have to work as if you don’t have children and have children like you don’t have a job’, and it does feel like you’ve got two full-time jobs that run side by side, but you’re not allowed to tell the other one about the other! So you find yourself trying to show that when you’re at work, you’re at work, and that role doesn’t care if you’ve been up all night, or that your kid is sick, because even if they’re in childcare, the work doesn’t stop. Even thinking, ‘Oh, I need to get them some new clothes’ or ‘I need to book their vaccinations’ — which you can only do during office hours — all that maternal mental load is still there. Equally, when you’re at home, your kids don’t care if you’ve got work to do. A lot of my jobs are on Instagram, and if I have to post at a certain time and that happens to be bedtime, my kids don’t understand. They want your full attention, and of course, they deserve your full attention. It’s trying to find that almost impossible balance within that juggle. There is a lot more expectation and pressure on mums. For example, if I’m ever out, the first thing people will say is, ‘Who’s looking after the kids?’ whereas no one would ever ask Tommy that. He went away for work for a whole week to LA and not a single person asked him who had the kids. I feel very lucky that I’m in a 50/50 co-parenting relationship, but I don’t think it can ever truly be 50/50 because societal expectation is all on mums. We judge mums that stay at home, we judge mums for going back to work… which is why I always say you may as well find your own lane and feel comfortable and confident in that.”

Do you think that’s why mums feel so much ‘mum guilt’ and is it something that you have experienced?

Ashley: “I’m going to say I actually don’t feel mum guilt. I never feel mum guilt. It’s funny because people always ask when you are working, ‘Oh you must feel really guilty?’, but no, I don’t because I get to do what I love and I get to be a mum. I know that if I was at home all the time with them, I would find it so overstimulating. I could go into a talk at Parliament or go on live TV on This Morning and talk about news topics I only found out about 5 minutes before and find it a lot easier than being at home all day with a three and a one-year-old who both love danger [she laughs]. So I don’t feel guilty about pulling in resources and getting to go to work, and as we’ve said, there is no such thing as dad guilt, so I don’t think we should have to feel guilty either.”

Has there been anything in particular that you have found especially challenging?

Ashley: “What I do find really hard is that if you’re lucky, you get a year maternity leave. I was self-employed, so technically I didn’t get that formal maternity leave. I was lucky I got to take Ada with me, but I ended up breastfeeding Alf for a year and Ada for 15 months without really having a plan — that’s just how it happened. There’s this expectation that when you first have a baby you get six weeks where people are kind, but then patience runs out and people expect you to go back to normal. You hear things like, ‘I hope you’re not going to be one of those mums who only talks about their kids’. When I was eight months in, I felt a real sense of isolation that my body was still the source of food while other mums had got their normal lives back because they could share feeds or give a bottle. Retrospectively you realise it’s just a year, but society doesn’t give you that time or empathy. Feeding in general is such a sadly controversial thing no matter how you feed, and it’s just a shame we don’t support people no matter which way they choose.”

Have you ever had what we call a BROOD moment where your career and parenthood collide?

Ashley: “Yes! When Alf was a baby, I was battling identity struggles and was paranoid I’d never work again because I’d be written off as just a mum. So when Jeremy Vine invited me back on his show, I jumped at the chance! But the logistics were tough as Alfie was only six months old, still breastfeeding, and wouldn’t take a bottle. Tommy took a day’s holiday to sit with Alfie in the green room. Things were going smoothly until Alf had a huge poo explosion all over my dress moments before I went live! Jeremy asked if we could introduce him on air, and whilst we were talking, Alf started to want to feed. At first I panicked, but then my maternal instinct kicked in. Initially I was gutted because I wanted to be Ashley the professional, not Ashley the mum on TV. I came off the show to so many comments calling it attention-seeking. Feeding a baby should be unremarkable! But then I realised that’s why it’s so important to normalise breastfeeding, fight against the hypersexualisation of boobs, and show the reality of juggling motherhood and a career. Now I’m actually really proud to have breastfed on TV!”