Mike Toolan

Mike Toolan

MIKE TOOLAN © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

“- there is a guilt anytime you do anything for yourself” Mike Toolan

Award-winning Radio & TV Presenter, doting Dad of two, Mike Toolan, is one of the UK’s most loved presenters; with an impressive career spanning over 20 years. After starting his career as a radio presenter in America, his career in Radio really took off in UK at the exact same time as he became a dad for the first time! In recent years Mike became a single dad, with his two children living with him full time, so he had to learn to manage the juggle of looking after two teenage children and school runs, alongside his work as a radio & TV presenter, Voice-over artist, numerous theatre roles and the latest string to his bow – writing for TV! We sat down with Mike to chat about how he managed to get through the haze of his first big break as a breakfast presenter (with 4am starts), alongside becoming a father; becoming a dad to two under two, and the job opportunities that he turned down when they didn’t fit into his family life.

Known for his incredible sense of humour we enjoyed a hilarious interview with Mike, but underneath the jokes it’s clear to see just how much Mike’s children mean to him and it was inspiring to hear that despite having to turn down some amazing opportunities in order to put his role as a dad first, it hasn’t hindered his career at all, and he has no regrets about prioritising his family life first and foremost.    

Mike Toolan & Sir Alex Ferguson. (Image: Key 103/Hits Radio)
MIKE TOOLAN IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
MIKE TOOLAN IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

Where was you at in your career when you became a dad and how did you find the transition of managing your career alongside fatherhood?

“I have been a radio presenter all my life really, but I had just started on the breakfast show on KEY103 the same week that Luca was born. So that was a busy week!” He laughs “I think I got less sleep than a political prisoner for the first months, because he had colic as well, so he didn’t sleep at all, and I was getting up at 4.30am every day. It was all just a weird blur for those first six months to be honest. Obviously, it was amazing being on the breakfast show and it was all quite glamourous, and I remember thinking ‘I should really be enjoying this, but I’m just too tired to’. It was a bit like that feeling you get when you’ve been on a long-haul flight, and you get off the plane and the place is stunning and there’s a nice pool and you just think yeah this is great, but I just want to sleep!”

How did you survive? Because obviously it was a great moment in your career to get the breakfast show and obviously becoming a dad for the first time is wonderful, but that was quite a demanding schedule.

“I’d break up my sleep into two halves. I remember people in December would say only 18 sleeps until Christmas and for me there would be 36!” He laughs. “Every day turned into two days, I would go to sleep everyday about midday, wake up at 4pm and it would feel like a new day, although I did spend most of the time feeling very confused – I’m not sure I even knew my own name at that point!”

So as if that wasn’t enough to manage you went on to have another child – your daughter Lottie. 

“Yes, and there wasn’t a massive gap between them either, Luca was around 18 months old when Lottie was born. Lottie was a bit of surprise really – a nice one of course – but having two under two was a lot – the juggle was real managing that!”

Your children are a lot older now, how have you found managing all the different stages that children go through?

“I personally don’t think that there is any one stage better than another stage, they’re just different. It’s like my son Luca, he’s growing up now and he and I are just like mates, and it’s wonderful. And Lottie has just finished her GCSE’S and she’s an amazing girl. And it is so different to the beginning, because obviously at the beginning you’re like a full-on carer. When you have a baby, you get up to someone else’s schedule, your playtime is to someone else’s schedule, your sleep is to someone else’s schedule, you eat to their schedule and it’s almost like being in jail but you’re in love with warden.” We all laugh “Because it’s like 4am and you wake a bit disgruntled, then you’re like ‘oh it’s you’ and suddenly you don’t care what time it is. As the move through the different stages there are advantages and disadvantages to each stage.”

How do you think you have changed since becoming a dad?

“I think I was a lot more selfish pre kids, when you have kids, you instantly have to put someone else first don’t you? Your whole priorities change, and you become a much kinder person. I remember that’s when I started doing charity work, it sounds like a real cliché, but once I’d had kids if someone at the children’s hospital or somewhere would ask me to do a charity event I would be like ‘Yes!’, because you have this precious little bundle of life and you want to put more back into the world.”

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Has parent guilt been a factor for you throughout the years and do you manage to factor in some ‘me time’?

“Oh yeah, there is a guilt anytime you do anything for yourself – I was raised a catholic so there’s enough guilt going on there anywhere!” He jokes. “But there were things like I had always had a season ticket at Manchester United, but when Luca was born, I thought no, I can’t just leave him and his mum every other Saturday to go watch the football, so I decided to give that up. And for the last ten years me and Luca have been trying to get a season ticket back!” He laughs “But if you’re a decent parent you’ve got to put all of there interests first. There’s always going to be sacrifices but you get the fun in different ways once you have the kids because you’re having fun with them instead. Massive Saturday nights out with the lads become Saturday swim club with the lads, so you have fun like that. I was lucky because there was a group of us, almost like the show Friends. We were a group of single lads, then there were girls on scene, then everyone started getting engaged and married, and we all had kids at the same time. So now our kids are all the same age and we’re all still friends, so it’s been great to have that network of people all going through the same things.”

Has becoming a parent ever impacted your career decisions?

“Yes, it has actually. I have been offered jobs in London on a couple of occasions, various big radio opportunities in London, but I couldn’t really take them, because at the minute the kids live with me full time and have done for a few years, but there was a time that they were split 50/50 between me and their mum, and I just didn’t want to lose all that. I was actually offered to do This Morning regularly too, it would have been two days a week doing the interactive stuff it was called ‘The Hub’ and it was myself, Rylan and Coleen Nolan, and they said to me did I want to do Tuesdays and Thursdays, but it would have meant I would have had to give up my radio job here and spend time away from the kids so I just couldn’t do it. But I have no regrets about that at all.

I read a book recently called the 5 regrets of the dying. It’s written by a woman in America who works in end-of-life care, and she interviews all these people on their death beds – it’s really interesting. And she asks them ‘What is your biggest regret in life?’ and a lot of them say that their biggest regret is that they didn’t achieve their full potential in whatever area. I think yeah, I could have gone on to be a TV presenter but I couldn’t have sacrificed the relationship with the kids so I would still do the same thing tomorrow if I had to. I think whatever is meant for you will come anyway. Family is everything, and I’m very lucky to be able to do something that I enjoy as a career and it’s obviously important to me but it’s a secondary thing for me.”

Are there particularly moments that stand out to you where the juggle of work and kids has crossed over?      

“I was interviewing Fergie (Alex Ferguson) at Tesco when he had his first book signing, and he invited me down and I was on my way down there and I got a phone call from Lottie’s school and she had a sick bug, so I had to go and pick her up. But I still had to do this interview with Fergie, and I was just like, ‘Oh no! Oh god! What am I going to do?’ there was no one else that could help and no where I could take her, so I literally had to take her along and she had to sit there whilst I did the interview. Thankfully she wasn’t sick again, so it was alright, but he tried talking to her and she just kind of stared at him with this green face, and I was like ‘This is Sir Alex Ferguson Lottie’ and the poor thing was just sat there heaving!” He laughs “And there was another time, where I had to go and pick up a signed copy of Fergie’s book from his house for a charity event and had to call on my way home from the school run, so I had Luca with me – he was about 8 at the time and a massive Man United fan – and I said to him we’ve got to go to the Man United manager’s house. And Luca’s face was picture, because Fergie was his idol he was like a god to Luca, and we actually ended up going in and he gave us a tour of his house and sat down and had some tea with him. It was incredible, Luca was just sat there in his school uniform in a bit of daze, he couldn’t believe it. It’s still actually to this day one of his happiest memories. But they were both one of those times where you’re juggling, and you’ve got no choice but to do both things at once. Overall though I think I’ve been lucky that because of the shifts I’ve done, that other than having to get someone to come round and help in the mornings, I’ve been able to do the rest myself. Because I was on the breakfast show and I would finish at 10am, I could do everything apart from the morning school run. I was always at the school gates for pick up, doing the homework and cooking dinner and I know a lot of people don’t get that, as they might not get home from work until about 7pm so I have always felt lucky that my career has allowed me to be able to be hands on like that.”

Have you got any tips for any other parents juggling work and family life?

“I’m always making notes of everything on my note’s app, and I put everything in the diary, so the iPhone has changed my life in that way as there’s always reminders popping up. So, I would say just to be as organised as possible, as it really helps you from dropping the ball. I have to write everything down otherwise I’ll forget as I have a memory like Nemo!

Then the other thing that I do, that is quite a nice tip, is that whenever we go to bed, I have always got the kids to say their prayers at night – not even from a spiritual point of view, but just for them to think ‘what are you grateful for today?’ And we’d do a little list of gratitude, and then the one thing that does is remind them of the best bits of their day, even if that’s the dessert they’ve eaten or something like that. I think that it’s important that the last thing they do before they go to sleep is remember all the good things that have happened, and then they end their day on a positive. That’s really helped them both actually and I think it’s important to integrate a bit of mindfulness into their daily routine.”

Written by Lolo Stubbs
PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM PITFIELD

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CHEMMY ALCOTT

CHEMMY ALCOTT

CHEMMY ALCOTT © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

“I vowed never to lose myself when I became a parent.”

Inspirational Mum of two, and BBC Ski Sunday Presenter, Chemmy Alcott, went down in history as being the first British Ski racer to win a world cup run, and she is widely regarded as one of Britain’s greatest ever skiers. Chemmy is no stranger to adversity having broken 49 bones in her life, and still returning to the slopes against all odds, so it’s no wonder that when she was offered her dream job as BBC Ski Sunday feature presenter at the same time that she was due to give birth to her first child that she chose to take on the challenge of both roles; returning to work only two weeks after giving birth!

Alongside her successful career as a BBC sports presenter, Chemmy is an inspirational speaker and also runs her own business – CDC Performance – with her husband, 25 Time British Champion Dougie Crawford, providing world class ski coaching and experiences. We had the pleasure of sitting down with Chemmy at her lovely family home that she shares with Dougie and their two boys, Locki 5 and Cooper 3, to discuss how she does it all, and why maintaining her own identity is so important to her.  

CHEMMY ALCOTT IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
CHEMMY ALCOTT IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
CHEMMY ALCOTT IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
CHEMMY ALCOTT IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

You returned to work very quickly after having both your boys, did you always plan to return to work so quickly and was it important to you that you kept your own identity outside of being a mum?

“I think I was quite lucky as a lot of my friends had kids before me, so I saw them really change through parenthood and lose themselves, and so I vowed to never let that happen to me when I became a parent. But I then went completely the other way, as both my babies were born in the January, and I went back to work skiing only two weeks after, with both babies. In fact, our first labour was really complicated, and they were said ‘Look this isn’t going great…’ with my reply being, ‘Don’t even think about a c-section, because I’ve got to ski in two weeks – I’ve got to work!’ Maybe I felt more pressure being female, but I was about to start my dream job at the BBC doing Ski Sunday, and I remember thinking, ‘I can’t give up this role. I don’t want them to give this job to anyone else, this Is my job! I’m going to make it happen!’ So, when they initially offered me the job my naive plan was, I’m going have the baby, I’m going to go straight back to work, Dougie’s amazing at supporting me so we can do this! Although it was crazy, it was just epic, because people just lose themselves so much and it can be so hard to find yourself again, but I never got chance to stop being me. Actually, in skiing they say that if you’ve skied your whole life and then you become a parent, but then you don’t ski for 5 years then you’ll never ski again! It’s because the fear of being responsible for someone else and the danger of the sport just crushes you so much that you never allow yourself to have that play time again. I hoped that wouldn’t happen to me though, although looking back I think it’s pretty mad that I was skiing only a few weeks after having a baby, but I was really fortunate in how my body held up.

It was also quite empowering returning to work so quickly. I remember when Cooper was born and two weeks later, we were at the World Championships, and I was working, interviewing the guy who had just won the World Champs downhill. It was a great interview, and when we finished the interview, the producer said ‘Woah, that was epic! You’re on a buzz!’ And I replied ‘Yeah, I am, and do you know what?’ and he was like ‘What?’, and I put my hand in my bra and I had one of those silent Elvie pumps on and I had made almost half a litre of milk whilst I was doing this interview! Throughout the whole interview I knew I was doing that, I knew I was smashing new motherhood and it just made me feel amazing, I was firing on all cylinders, and no one knew! You’re throwing yourself in at the deep end, and it’s hard but you just feel this overwhelming sense of achievement. But I remember going back to work that first time and I was so sleep deprived, and as an athlete I had this massive superstition that I needed 9 hours sleep a night but then suddenly you become a parent and that is just completely unrealistic! Then obviously two weeks after having Locki I was given this script, I’d barely slept, and I remember questioning myself ‘I can’t even remember my own name! How am I going to remember this script!’  But somehow, I did it, and I think you’ve got to keep challenging yourself and that’s what helps you to keep being your very best self. I think that’s how we’ve been able to maintain this mental crazy lifestyle because we never stepped away from it.”

You spoke briefly about feeling the pressure about being a female and not wanting to lose your dream job role, but was that the only reason that you felt so determined to maintain, being you? 

“I mean there was definitely the element of proving people wrong, because a lot of people said I couldn’t do it. And all my career when I had multiple injuries – when I broke my leg and neck – people said she won’t be able to come back, and it was always a motivating factor to me. It shouldn’t be but you’ve got to look at it one way or another and it either pushes you down and the pressure is too much, or you go ‘Hey, I’ll show you!’ and it was kind of the same with parenthood.

I just feel like if you can do those first few years of being a parent and not lose your own identity, then you will come out of parenthood incredibly strong and incredibly grateful for your kids. At times you can miss the old life that you used to have prior to having kids, you might have single friends and you see them going out and at times you can resent that, but if you stick to still being you and defining who you are away from being a parent, then in the long run it’s just magnificent!”

BROOD Magazine

“This is my dream job and I’m going to make it happen!”

Did you experience any parent guilt with returning to work so soon and maintaining your own identity?

“Oh yes, the other side of it is certainly that, I suffer horrendously from parent guilt, I’ve suffered from that since becoming a mum, and I used to not want to admit to having a nanny because even though I was back at work after two weeks I didn’t want to admit to having help. But my mum is no longer around, and my dad is unable to help, and Dougie’s parents live in Scotland, so there was no other option really, but for some reason I wanted people to think that we were doing it alone. I think it had always been drilled into you that you were ridiculously well off if you had a nanny, and you were judged for it. It took me a couple of years of people saying, ‘God it’s amazing what you’re doing’, before I could say, ‘well yes, it is amazing, but I have got help too and that’s why I can do it!’ And I realised I needed to be open about it.”

You’ve obviously been a topflight athlete and you’ve been a mum for over 5 years now, which role would you say is harder? 

“Definitely parenthood! Being a parent can be unbelievably hard! Being an athlete is very easy, it’s very simple, your goal is yourself – it’s me, me, me, me. Whereas being a parent is ever evolving, it’s ever challenging, your child is constantly changing and trying to define who they are, and you have to change with them. I fight the urge to read a lot of books about parenting and how to talk to your kids, because I think ultimately you learn through your mistakes. I feel like I’ve already made mistakes that I felt were a good idea at the time and then as they get older you realise that it maybe wasn’t the best approach. For 8 years during my career as a ski racer, when I had the opportunity to win and I was healthy, I chose to underperform, because I had this horrendous fear of failure and I couldn’t manage everyone else’s expectations of me being this very talented athlete, so I chose to perform at 80% and I kept 20% in my back pocket to self-validate why I wasn’t winning. So, I never took risks, and I was never the best that I could be, and it was good on the world stage, but it was never my best and it was a very unsatisfactory way to live; so, when I became a parent, I was like, ‘Right, I’m going to let them charge! And be 100% and make mistakes.’ So now I’ve created two absolute nutters who don’t have any fear of failure and who don’t have a fear of making mistakes.”

When your second came along, yourself and Dougie were obviously running your business and you were presenting how did you find the shift from one to two children?

“Well, you think one’s hard but then you have two and it’s just another level of hard! I always wanted three but no, we are done at two!” She laughs “Because we’re just about managing! We’re like the swans on the lake they look like they’ve got everything together, but their feet are going like crazy to get upstream! I do think I’m a much better parent second time around though.”

You spoke about having to deal with horrendous Mum guilt, what tips would you give for working through that?

“Yes, mum guilt is really hard, when you’re at work you feel like you should be with your kids, and when you’re with you’re kids you feel like you should be a work! So, what I did, as I’m really good a goal setting, so for the 5 hours I was at work I would set my goals as to what I want to achieve whilst I’m at work and I’m at work properly the, focused and head down. Then when I’m at home that phone goes to the side, and I am present. I find that is the best way, because I see a lot of people trying to do it all at the same time, but if you’re only giving 50% of yourself then everything is going to start suffering. So, you know, you into your work guns blazing – be there, be present make an impact. Then go home and enjoy quality time with your family. Because the kids notice it when you are distracted, because when I fall foul of my own rules, they’ll say ‘Mummy, you’re not here!’”

 

CHEMMY ALCOTT IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
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Written by Lolo Stubbs
PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM PITFIELD

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At Happy Little Owls, we know how important it is to keep little minds and bodies active during the school holidays without exhausting yourself, or your bank account. So, we’ve rounded up some creative, budget-friendly ideas to help you make the most of the summer break at home. These are easy to set up, full of fun and perfect for creating lasting memories.

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Mel sheehy

Mel sheehy

MEL SHEEHY © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
Melanie Sheehy is one of the co-founders of the renowned Manchester PA Network (MPAN) and Manchester PA Awards. Alongside this incredible career accolade, Melanie is also Chapter Manager for YPO (Young Presidents Organisation), as well as a demanding role as an Executive Assistant for Citation Group – all whilst juggling her energetic 9-year-old twin boys.

“…It was really hard dealing with the mum guilt!”

Melanie Sheehy is one of the co-founders of the renowned Manchester PA Network (MPAN) and Manchester PA Awards. Alongside this incredible career accolade Melanie is also Chapter Manager for YPO (Young Presidents Organisation), as well as a demanding role as an Executive Assistant for Citation Group – all whilst juggling her energetic 9-year-old twin boys, Pearse and Beau.Since founding MPAN in 2011, the network has grown tremendously, providing a fun and supportive platform for hundreds of PAs, EAs, VAs and support professionals throughout the Northwest, and through tireless fundraising events, MPAN has raised an incredible £200,000 for The Christie Hospital. Melanie has an unquestionably strong work ethic, and her determination to succeed both in her career and as a mum is nothing short of inspiring. After enduring a long and emotional journey with IVF, to conceive her beloved boys, Mel didn’t find returning to her career easy at all initially as she found herself plagued with mum guilt. But, after making peace with her decision, she now manages the juggle of three job roles, as well as her all important role as Mum. We sat down with Mel at her home during half term and chatted to her to find out how she does it all – we did so amongst the madness of her boys playing with two of our ‘BROOD kids’ who had accompanied us to the shoot, and Mel’s three dogs who also wanted plenty of attention too!

Mel-Sheehy-MCR PA Network
Mel Sheehy Manchester PA
MELANIE SHEEHY IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

Let’s start at the beginning, how did your career journey begin? 

“Well, I didn’t go to university, I ended up moving to Greece when I was 18 instead – ‘the university of life’ as I call it. Then after five years of working in Greece I returned home, and I was kind of at a loss as to what I wanted to do. Then I saw that AstraZeneca were looking for temps, so I started with them and ended up staying there for ten years! So that’s how I became a PA. Then after ten years with them, they were looking for people to take voluntary redundancies, and at the time myself and Kev had got married, and I already knew we were not going to be able to have children naturally, so decided to take the redundancy so that I could just take a bit of time out and use the opportunity to focus on IVF as there was no way we were giving up.  It was also a time to work out what I wanted to do. We had already been through treatment a few times before at this point and it hadn’t worked. [She looks at her boys] These two happened on our 8th try! (We went through IVF 8 times in 6 years.) When I left AstraZeneca, I had intended on taking 6 months off, but instead I only ended up taking 4 months, I just needed to do something – I needed to find my purpose.

 

That’s when I started working at the co-op bank, and that’s how I came to meet Amanda (Amanda Hargreaves fellow co-founder of the Manchester PA network). The job I was doing was ok, but I was looking for something more challenging, and it was my line manager at the time that suggested I set up some networking to bring all the PA’s in the co-op together, the majority of them had worked there for over twenty years and some might say in a rut. One of the PAs that worked there suggested I meet Amanda, because she was trying to do something similar within her role. So we met for lunch and  chatting about how we felt there was something missing in Manchester. There was a PA network in London, but not Manchester; so, we thought how hard could it be (little did we know) so we decided to give it a go on our own and that’s how the Manchester PA network was born. To start, the most obvious seemed to hold an event and invite all the PAs we knew between us and go from there.  We approached Hayley Harthern at The Radisson to see if they would host this for us and the rest they say is history. Whilst we were setting up MPAN I decided to leave my job at the co-op bank as I saw an opportunity for maternity cover working as an Executive Assistant to the CEO of LateRooms.com. It was a bit of a risk leaving a permanent position to go and do a temporary role, but it was what I wanted to do and what I had always aspired to do professionally.

Following our first event, we ended up in the Manchester Evening News Business Week – I have no idea how! And I remember sitting at my desk on my first day in my new role at LateRooms and I rang Amanda saying ‘Oh my god, we’re in Business week! It’s real now! We’re really going to have to do this!’ I was so proud of how we had achieved this, just us.  At the time I was still regularly going through rounds of IVF, and thankfully on our 8th  try it worked! So, it wasn’t long after the MPAN was born, that my boys were born too!”

Having Twins must have been both amazing and very tiring! Were you able to take Maternity leave and how did you manage the MPAN after the boys were born?

“Yes, I did. I had originally planned not to go back to work as an EA as we had waited so long to have them but during my Maternity leave, my old boss from LateRooms called me to tell me that he had moved to Wilmslow, with a job a Citation Professional Solutions, and he asked me to come back and work for him. I said no initially, because the boys were only 6 months old, and I knew how demanding the job would be. It had taken us 6 years to have the boys and I think I just really wanted to have that time with them, without having to give any of my focus to a full-time job. So, he proposed that come back in the December (when the boys were a year old.) I discussed it with my husband, and I realised that I did want more, even though we had waited so long for our children I couldn’t just stay at home, I needed for my brain to be active.

During my time off with the boys I never stopped at any point with MPAN though, this was important to me, important to us (Amanda and I).  I remember going to my first event after the boys were born when they were only 5 weeks old and I remember thinking how much I had dropped the ball at that event.  It was a good learning on what life was going to be like as a working mum.  Thankfully the team were understanding and we did agree that we didn’t all need to be at every event. 

The network at this point was growing very quickly so we were working hard in the background organsing the events and making sure we could offer what we said we would as well as achieve our goals of building the best network in the the North West. This wasn’t going to be easy not just because we had so much to achieve but also the guilt started to set in that I couldn’t be as present as I had the boys and then because I wasn’t home.

After I started work at Citation, when the boys were one, I took on the YPO Young Presidents Organisations too, so I have three work roles alongside my role as mum.”

What was the hardest thing about returning to a full-time role once you were a mum?

“It was really hard dealing with the mum guilt. That was the hardest thing. I was constantly thinking ‘what am I missing out on?’ We had a nanny, instead of sending the boys to nursery, because for me that felt like at least they would still be in the home environment and still getting something that I would have offered and when they were poorly there was someone caring for them as I just didn’t know how I would juggle work and sick babies. The nanny would take them out places, but then she was doing things that I would have liked to have done, like taking them to baby clubs, the park and things like that, so that was hard. It was also hard because I thought to myself, maybe I’m just not that good at being at home with them all the time. I felt guilty because we had waited so long, but the more time I spent with them, the less I appreciated it. Returning to work meant that I really cherished the time I did have with them again.  And I remember the first time I had a cup of tea at work and thinking it was so nice to just be able to sit down and drink a hot cup of tea – because I hadn’t had a hot drink in the first year that they were around.

I also found having a male boss or working with people who didn’t have children was hard, as they didn’t really understand what I was going through and what I was feeling; like why I wanted to be at home when they were poorly for example. Don’t get me wrong, work are extremely supportive but you have to be realistic! You can’t take a week off work because you’re children are poorly. So even though I was physically at work, at times I felt I would be a bit absent, as my mind was elsewhere. Sometimes you feel like you’ve got to give that bit more to almost prove yourself, because there are times you can’t make things because you don’t have childcare etc.”

You are obviously a great mum and you’re excelling in your career, which are the areas of your life that you feel you must sacrifice to keep your mum and career ‘balls up in the air’

“I would say my personal life. For example, I have a membership for Hale country club which I keep saying that I’m going to cancel, but then I’m like ‘no I’m in my forties I need to go!’ but I just never make it there. My husband Kev works for himself so we’re lucky that he has the flexibility to do the school pick up so they don’t have to go to after school clubs but when I come in from work he then has to work later to juggle the time he has taken off.  It’s very much teamwork as we both can’t be around all the time.  Your work day finishes and then your mum duties start, I can’t remember what it was like to watch something before 9pm.  I have now gone full time so that really helps as I can do two school pick up’s a week and then I can catch up on work after I get home with them.  I don’t see my friends as much as I would like to, I don’t get to the gym – even though I dislike working out passionately, I still want to have time to go because I need to, to look after myself. I also I miss out on watching them play sports sometimes as they are on so many teams I can’t possibly make it to all their games plus so much more so you do sacrifice a lot as a working mum. And hope they remember that mummy was working and not just absent”

How do you help yourself deal with the rough days that come with being a career parent and how do you cope with the ‘mum guilt’ that comes with it?  

“I think I’ve kind of made peace with it [ the mum guilt] and I’ve almost accepted it now. I would say a flaw in my personality is probably trying to do everything for my family, so even when I’m at home I will put the boys and my husband before me, and it takes a lot for me to go ok I’ve had enough – which I did on Sunday – I was like ‘I’ve had enough you just need to go out and do stuff on your own’ and I think I do need to recognise that sooner. I also think it has got easier as they’ve got older, because they are nine now so at weekends when I’m talking to them, trying to find out what has been going on, what have I missed or wanting to do stuff with them, they will sometimes say, ‘Mummy, I just want to watch my iPad because you don’t let us have it in the week.’” She laughs.

“My precious time with them, and the main thing I always maintain with them is at bedtime; I lie with them and have a chat. It’s my time with them and it’s where I get the most out of them, and it gives me the most joy as a parent when they are talking to me in that way. Sharing their worries and talking about things that have gone on at school. That’s my calm time as well, I suppose because I don’t have much just me time.  I guess that’s mum guilt right there but as I said I’ve made peace with that because we tried so hard to become parents, but I’ve chosen to work and I chose to set up the MPAN, I’ve chosen all of things and if I didn’t want to do it all there is an exit point, but I thrive with being busy.”

Tell us a little bit more about the MPAN. You’ve built an incredible network, and raised an amazing amount of money for Christie’s in the process, haven’t you?

“Yes, we’ve raised over £200,000 now, and a lot of that money was raised in the last couple of years (pre-covid) as we did a LOT of fundraising! We did things like jumping out of planes, abseiling down building, lots and lots of crazy things, but it was a lot of fun. We actually decided to retire the MPAN  just before covid hit as we felt we had reached just under ten years, 800 members and such a huge amount for The Christie, as they say,  leave whilst you’re on a high . Early on in Covid Amanda had a discussion and decided it was time to come back out of retirement, we said do you think we should bring it back; do you think people need it. So, we brought it back and I think we’d had about two or three months off! And we were like we’re back!” She laughs.

“Obviously, we enjoyed it a lot more than we thought we did because we couldn’t let it go. We have had moments where we have thought shall we hand over the baton to someone else, but you can’t, because it’s our baby. It’s everything myself and Amanda wanted, and the awards was one of our goals right from the start, and we reached that goal and held the first awards 4 years after we launched the network. We were originally approached by a recruitment agency to do monthly awards and we said no, we either go big or we go home! This is our goal, and we know we can do this. It was daunting especially when the time came to part ways with the agency, although it was our decision, but we knew we could do this on our own. We’re both quite driven like that, we know what we want, and we do it. It will be so nice to bring the awards back again this year as obviously we lost a couple of years of doing it because of covid.”

How was Covid for you, did you have the juggle of work and home-schooling. 

“I was furloughed for 6 weeks and initially that was quite hard, as no one knew what was going to happen and Kev’s work dried up completely, because he’s a head-hunter, but being the kind of person that I am, I was like no come on we’re going to be alright. So, we tried to just embrace it and see it as a luxury to have time together as a family that we wouldn’t have ordinarily had. We were home schooling and the boys said I was the worst teacher ever, I was too shouty they said – even though after two hours of creative writing with them I thought I had been pretty patient!” She laughs. “But after a while I stopped the home schooling, I just thought it’s not doing anyone any good, because it was so stressful. I thought the boys are going to end up hating me when we could be using the time to have a really nice time together. So, we enjoyed lots of family time. Covid in that way was a blessing. I still had to check in with my team and I held twice weekly zooms with them, and they weren’t in a great place with all the uncertainty over their jobs, and we were doing zoom calls for the MPAN too, as we felt it was important that we kept that network of support going for people. It was tough emotionally at times, because I was trying to reassure others that everything would be ok but really, I didn’t have a clue what would happen, and I was also worried about my job and obviously Kev’s work too.”

What strategy’s do you use to keep your mindset strong and stay positive during challenging times like you’ve just described?

“I love music – that is a big DE stressor for me just getting in the car putting on my music and belting out the tunes! I cannot sing I’m completely tone deaf, but I love it and I love listening to classic dance tunes too. Just belting a bit of Adele can make me feel so much better! She laughs. So that is how I destress, but I don’t overthink, and if I do start to over think I’m very strong minded so I will shut that down – I will tell myself no, you know there is no room for that. I’m also extremely positive most of the time. I always say to the boys there is a solution for everything, so there is no point in getting yourself into a hole, because no matter what we’ll find a solution. We can do that together or you’ll do that yourself, but either way we will find one.”

You have such a strong work ethic, both yourself and your husband, is that something you hope will inspire your boys?

“We do drill into the boys you can’t give up; they want to give up on stuff, but we’ll say no you’ve started it, so you have to finish it. For example, they didn’t like doing piano lessons, but we said, ‘Well finish the term and if you still don’t like it, we’ll consider you stopping it, but you can’t just give up halfway through. Because if they did that throughout life then they will never get anywhere – you would just give up on everything. Both Kev and I are very work focused, but equally we are very fun focused too out of work time, but they do see both of us working hard and I think that’s important. I don’t have any shame saying to the boys no you can’t have that because we can’t afford it. I think they need to know that you need to work to save to afford. That’s how I was raised and that’s important to me. My mum was a stay-at-home mum, but when I was 16, she started working and then she worked solidly until she retired in her early 60’s and it was time for her to retire but she had an amazing work ethic which she passed to me`.”

Do you have any tips for other career parents to get as much balance as possible in your life and remain happy whilst juggling it all?

“For me it’s working out your priorities. My priority is having happy children and showing them what life is and showing them as much as we can. It is saying no to things that aren’t within your priorities and making time for the things that are. Like spending time with the kids so I’m happy to sacrifice my social time, gym if it means that I’m doing something that I want to do with them Secondly, I would just say be present when you are doing something, put your phone away and sometimes that can be hard, but it makes a difference. Memories are in your head as well as your phone. We don’t allow phones or iPads when we’re eating together and things like that. Going back to the saying no thing we have started saying no to social events that we used to go to because we felt like we had to as opposed to us wanting to go to them. So that has created a lot more time for us as a family, That was a decision we made around two months ago and it’s quite liberating.”  

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Written by Lolo Stubbs
PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM PITFIELD

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Charlie Condou on co-parenting

Charlie Condou on co-parenting

CHARLIE CONDEAU © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY
Charlie Condou is a successful British Actor, Columnist and LGBTQ+ Rights Activist – not forgetting his most important role – a doting dad of two, to Georgia, 12, and Hal, 9. For as long as Charlie can remember, he always had an overwhelming desire to start a family and create the kind of upbringing that his own lacked. But as a Gay man in the nineties and early noughties, his dream of having a family seemed almost impossible.

“I was always determined that when I had the opportunity to be a parent, I was going to be a really good one.”

Undeterred by the lack options available to him at the time, Charlie kept the faith that one day he would become a father. Thankfully the universe delivered and Charlie, along with his husband of 17 years, Cameron, and their good friend Catherine, embarked on the journey of parenthood together, collectively creating an enviable co-parenting relationship, that has provided a loving and nurturing home for their two children.

We sat down with Charlie on a lovely sunny day in Hyde Park, London, and chatted through what made his desire to have a family so strong, how he managed to find a way to become a dad against all odds and how having kids has impacted his career decisions over the years. Charlie’s passion for his kids and his aspiration to be the best dad possible is both admirable and endearing, and we were enthralled by his incredibly story…

“I’ve wanted to have kids for as long as I can remember. I came from quite a difficult background; my dad was put in prison when I was about 6 months old, and although my mum did an amazing job she was trying to work three jobs and take care of me and my sister – who was around ten years older than me, so it was tough. I think because of this I was always determined that when I had the opportunity to be a parent, I was going to be a really good one. But then when I was 18 years old, I realised I was Gay, and I knew that having a family was going to be a lot more complicated than I thought. I’m friends with Kathy Burke, and I have been since my early twenties, and I can remember chatting to her about it and saying to her, ‘I’m finding it really hard to let go of the idea that I might be a parent, because this is what I’ve always wanted’. And Kathy in her inimitable fashion turned to me and said, ‘Don’t be a c**t, if you wanna be a parent, then be a parent!’ he laughs, “‘Just find a way to do it! Why would you let that get in your way, if it’s something that you really want, then just find a way of doing it!’ And she’s quite uncompromising in that way, and she’s my son’s godparent for that exact reason, as I wanted him to have a bit of that influence. But even though I knew she was right, I still wasn’t sure how I could make it happen, because you couldn’t adopt then as a gay man – certainly not as a single gay man! Surrogacy wasn’t a thing and even if it had, I didn’t have any money then to have gone down that route nor was co-parenting even a word then. So, I thought ‘what do I do?’ And I think for a lot of gay men from my generation, and Cameron’s – who’s ten years older than me, back then if you were gay man who wanted to be a parent, you either got together with a woman and went down that route – that lie – and lived your life that way, or you parked the idea and accepted it just wasn’t going to happen. But for me it was so important that I knew I was going to have to figure it out somehow, so when those kinds of conversations came up, I started saying ‘when I have kids’ instead of ‘if I have kids’. I suppose I did that to adopt the power of positive thinking, although I didn’t think of it that way at the time. So, I started talking to my female friends about it, and a few of them said, ‘Well if you’ve not met anyone by the time you’re forty, then I’ll have a baby with you!’ And being honest, there were varying degrees of seriousness in these conversations. But then I met Catherine and we became close friends; and as the years went on and she got nearer to forty we started to talk about it a lot, she desperately wanted to be a parent too. Then one day she came to me, and she wasn’t with anyone at the time, and she just didn’t want to wait any longer and miss out on the chance of becoming a mum, so she asked me if I wanted to talk about it properly, about the logistics of it all and how it would work for us. At this point I was with Cameron, and I had been for a few years, so that was obviously something I had to consider because there would be the three of us involved in co-parenting; that’s where the inspiration for my column name in The Guardian came from – The Three of Us. Anyway, we talked about it for a long time, probably for much longer than we needed to, because we talked about every eventuality – ‘What if someone moves to Australia’ he jokes “Or ‘What if we fall out’ for example. We were so cautious, because we wanted to get it right – especially coming from a broken home it was very important to me.

What encouraged you to start your popular column ‘The Three of Us’?

“Well, there were several reasons why I wanted to do it; one of the reasons was to show people that parenting is just as relentless, mundane, and hard work for gay people as it is for straight people too. I wanted to show that apart from a few logistical differences, i.e in how you get pregnant, that overall, it’s pretty similar. When I started the column there was no one talking about being a gay parent, so I wanted to show that we can do it and we’re perfectly capable of being parents too. But I also realised that I wanted to make myself accountable. I thought if I write about this publicly and it’s out there, then I can’t get it wrong, I have to get it right, and I realised that came from my fears from coming from a broken home. My dad wasn’t a bad man, but he wasn’t a good father. He wasn’t present and I was determined to be a good dad. I was determined to be present, so I think I wanted to put it out there and talk about my experience in an honest way, so that it gave a certain amount of extra pressure that I wanted. That doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes, because we all make mistakes, it’s impossible not to, you make different mistakes to your parents, but you make your own mistakes and realise that as you go on. There is no such thing as perfection. You can’t ever get it 100% right, but you can do your best.”

CHARLIE CONDEAU
Liz Taylor IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

Do you think the fact that you are so conscious about being a present dad, that it has affected your career choices?

“Yes, that was the reason I left Coronation Street. There were a lot of great things about being at Corrie and it was a hard decision to make. I had been deliberating it for months, because in a sense you’ve got job security – you can potentially be there for a long time; you know when you can take your holidays, and all those things. I was giving that role up with essentially nothing to go into, but my children lived in London, and I didn’t want to be so far away from them. I remember the moment that my son, who was about 2 at the time, broke his leg. I got the phone call and all I could think was ‘I should be there’, but I was in Manchester, and I had to film the next day. That night, I had to go back to my flat alone, when all I wanted to do was be with him and I just realised that I couldn’t do it anymore. Of course, any job can take you away from your kids at times but being in Manchester 5 days a week was really tough. I would come home on Friday evening, and I’d have to go back to Manchester again on a Sunday afternoon. It just wasn’t working, so I don’t regret it at all, but it was still a hard decision to make.”

How do you make it work logistically on a weekly basis, have you managed to find a way to do it that suits you all?

“We’re very close with Catherine and we’re very good friends and the way we do it [and the way we’ve always done it] is, they live between the two houses, we have them Monday and Tuesday, Catherine has them Wednesday and Thursday, and then we alternate the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so it’s great and the most we’re ever away from them is 5 days. It also means we get a break, so I can honestly say I’ve never got that point that I just need a break – because I get a break. I know a lot of my peers get to that point, like a lot of people do when they have kids because it’s full on, so we’re very lucky that it works the way it does. It means that when they are there, we’re engaged, we’re our best selves and we’re not exhausted. The other side of it is that the kids get a break from us too, so they really enjoy coming home to us, just as they equally really enjoy going home to their mum. There are three of us, so we literally do have an extra pair of hands, to pick up the slack! It really does work well.”

After Georgia was born you went on to have Hal, was it always your intention to have one than one child together?

“I always say we had Georgia for ourselves, and we had Hal for her. We had done IVF and we had still had an embryo that was frozen, so we kind of thought well why not, lets ‘chuck it in the oven and see what happens’” We all laugh. “But in all seriousness, I think no matter how well you’re doing, parents can drive you mad at times, particularly as you get older, and I think nobody really understands like a sibling. My sister has just passed away, but we were incredibly close and it’s because we were a unit – after our crazy childhood. Even now I see that between my son and my daughter; only the other day my son was in a mood about something, and he wouldn’t talk to me, and he wouldn’t talk to Cameron, and he wouldn’t discuss it with Catherine, he just wouldn’t get into it. So, Georgia said to me, ‘I’ll talk to him’ and within minutes he was sat on her bed letting it out to her. She said to me afterwards, I’ll always tell you what happens, and I said no don’t, tell me if need to know, otherwise you have your relationship with him because that’s really important and I don’t need to know, you can have your private stuff together away from your parents, it’s how it should be. It just made me feel so grateful and relieved, obviously they bicker at times, but just to know that she’s got his back and that he’ll go to her if he needs support just made me think, if I’ve done nothing else, I’ve given them that.”  

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“- I realised that came from my fears from coming from a broken home.”

Do you think it’s important for children to know that they’re parents aren’t perfect, and to be open with them about that so that they themselves don’t feel the pressure of needing to ‘perfect’?

“Yes, I was talking about this with someone the other day actually, and I’d apologised to the kids after I snapped at them about something, and they were being a bit annoying, but I realised that I didn’t snap at them because of them, I snapped because I felt tired. It wasn’t bad but I just said, ‘I’m really sorry I snapped at you, it wasn’t about you, it was about me’ and I have no issue with saying sorry when I’ve done something wrong. I think it’s important. People often feel like an apology is a sign of weakness, but you should look at it as your owning yourself and your mistakes. It’s also a gift to another person, because if someone apologises to me, and it’s heartfelt and unconditional, then I know I feel good because of that and it’s making your relationship stronger.  So, if I can give that to the kids and teach them that it’s alright to say you’re sorry when you’ve done something wrong, because we all get things wrong. And I don’t want them to think that I’m perfect, because kids can have that perception about their parents, and I think they should know that we all make mistakes.”

 

    

 

How important do think it is to be the best version of yourself, in order to be the best parent?

“I think it’s about making sure you are a solid foundation, because yes, I’ve been through some terrible times in my life, but I have consciously tried to sort my s**t out so that I don’t put that on to them. I had a bit of breakdown after I left Corrie , as I had left for the right reasons but suddenly I had job, no money, and things were tough and I got myself into therapy because I needed to help myself, because it’s very easy to look back and blame the fact that my dad wasn’t around and my mum was working all the time, or whatever it maybe be, but it’s very easy to blame your problems on other people and while that might be the reason for your problems at some point you have to take ownership of that. So, seeing a therapist was brilliant for me and helped me to figure out who I was. I think we take care of our physical selves all the time but so many of us don’t take care of our mental health and wellbeing.”

 

What tips would you give other parents, in particular co-parents?

“I think my advice would be don’t take advice from anyone, find your own way. Everyone thinks that they know the right way how to be a parent, but everyone finds it out for themselves. And from a co-parenting point of view, the most important thing you can do is communicate properly, whether that’s talking about how things will work, logistics, making sure you do it with someone who has the same values and morals, and ideas about bringing up kids.

And also, if something is irritating you, just get it out and just say it. That’s what us three do, don’t get me wrong it’s not easy but then it’s done, and we can deal with it. Because if you don’t speak up, these things just fester and before you know you’re screaming at somebody, about something so small! It’s much better for everyone when you can communicate well, and you move on.” 

CHARLIE CONDEAU CORONATION ST
Written by Lolo Stubbs
PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM PITFIELD

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Liz Taylor: business leader, events guru, speaker and author

Liz Taylor: business leader, events guru, speaker and author

Liz Taylor © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

The formidable Liz Taylor is a successful CEO, business leader, events guru, speaker, and author, with an incredible career spanning over 35 years.

“- you can never fail at anything you do; you can only learn from it!”

The formidable Liz Taylor is a successful CEO, business leader, events guru, speaker, and author, with an incredible career spanning over 35 years.  As if Liz’s career resume isn’t impressive enough, once you hear how she built her empire whilst raising two daughters as a single mum, her business journey becomes even more inspiring. Through sheer determination, hard work and making the most of every opportunity, Liz has managed to build a widely respected multi-million-pound company, invest in an impressive property portfolio and educate her two daughters privately and through university. We were lucky enough to sit down with Liz and listen to her share her story with us. It’s hard not to feel inspired and motivated after listening to this powerhouse of a single mother.

At the beginning of the interview we explain to Liz that as working parents we want to know how did she do it?!’ She begins by sharing how that is the very question her own daughters have recently asked her, now that they too are experiencing life as a working mum…

“It’s really interesting because my eldest daughter, who’s almost 38 now, has just started working for me and she did her first event this weekend. It was down in London, and I was staying with her on the Friday night. I babysat and I let her run the event. And when she came home at around midnight, she said to me ‘Mum, I don’t know how you ever did it?!’ And I think that was the realisation, she’s got two children herself now, she’s a working mum and she’s juggling all the balls, just like I did. The difference is that she has a husband, and I didn’t.”

 

So, take us back to the start of your career and life as a young mother. How did you end up stepping into the world of events and running a business, and how did you manage that alongside being a mother?

“Goldie was born in 1984 and Katie followed fourteen months later in 1986. I divorced when they were just 2 and 4 and left with nothing other than a deposit for a home.  

Financial circumstances were challenging and having come from a retail background I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. But I knew that I had to work.

When Katie was born I had just started to tiptoe into the business of events, as a friend of mine was holding a bar mitzvah and she asked me to help her. Whilst I was helping her, she said, ‘Why don’t you do this for a living? You’re so organised’. At that time there were no event organisers in the Northwest and just a couple of competitors in the South. . Marks and Spencer’s had given me the grounding I needed for events, it was a fantastic education from an organisational perspective, and so after organising this bar mitzvah and I saw an opportunity. I followed my gut which has been my mantra since I started.  My first stop was the Midland Hotel, which had been bought out by the Holiday INN . I had come up with a scheme for a friend of mine who had a fashion business and I cold called the hotel to see if they were interested in it. During the course of conversation the sales director said that they wanted to do a Hollywood night to relaunch the hotel. That was it – someone had opened a door and I jumped right in  I put the launch event together, Ainsley Harriet’s dad was a pianist at a place called Bavadage in Manchester – a cross between Louis Armstrong and Sam Cooke and I persuaded him to perform at the event. I filled the pool with balloons, hired Hollywood lookalike and needless to say it was a massive success. As a result, they gave me two more projects and Liz Taylor Associates was formed. Decision made I was of the view that my USP was me. I loved sales, and I understood early on that these hotels would, initially, be my main source of income. Some months later Granada Studios was being developed as an amusement park and venue. With luck on my side I  meet two guys – Paul Danson and Cameron Milne – who were designing it.  They introduced me to the new sales team and as a result I became their  preferred supplier .So, if a company went in to do a motivational event or a gala dinner they were referred to me  for all the services and that was how I knew how to  grow  the business.”

Liz Taylor
Liz Taylor IMAGE © TOM PITFIELD PHOTOGRAPHY

How did you manage the juggle of starting a new career and business with two young children? That must have been really tough at times?

The children were at private school which was funded by an inheritance they had. Circumstances were such that unbeknown to me that fund was no longer available, but I was determined that they would be my priority and fought tooth and nail to keep them in school. So, I employed a young woman from Scotland, who lived with me for ten years as a nanny and for the first five years of paying her wages I was literally still building the business, so it was very ‘hand-to-mouth’. But I just went for it – I worked all hours. At 4 o’clock in the afternoon I used to be distraught because I knew they were coming home from school, and I wasn’t there to meet them. At weekends I used to go out to work too, I worked Saturday nights and Sunday Nights and then my mum would step in, or the nanny would step in, so it was tough. But in retrospect, when I look back, they’ve got an amazing work ethic. They were covering chairs for me as soon as they could hit their teens. !  Then when they were around 14 years old, I sent them to work in a coffee shop in Hale as a Saturday job, because the work ethic to me was massively important. The girls witnessed me working hard, but we were living in a very, very affluent area and the Jewish community is a small community. Ours was always the smallest house, and I was the only working mother, but I always used to say to my girls ‘a big house is not always a happy house’ and that was always reflected in our relationship borne out of love and respect.  Even now I know the relationship that I have with them is much closer and much more special than it would have been had they been brought up in what I would call a ‘normal’ home. I was confident and determined, and every opportunity that had I used. Every spare penny and any time I took dividends I would buy a house. I started with a little terraced house, and I’ve got 14 of them now. I’ve just been very focused. It’s been a rollercoaster on occasion, but I was determined to set an example to both the girls and me.

So, to any working mother I just think ultimately you come out a much better, a stronger person, if you prioritise – and when I say prioritise, I mean you’ve got to prioritise yourself as well. As long as the children are loved and cared for and looked after, you don’t have to be there 24/7. To me 10 minutes reading with a child is worth more than 5 hours at the supermarket or doing other errands with them. It’s the quality time that matters. I was at every parent evening, I was at every school play, and I would tear myself in 10 to be there. I remember I did my first Asian wedding in Newcastle for 1700 people 35 years ago – I didn’t have a clue what I was doing! It was a massive, massive event and I remember driving back at three o’clock in the morning, because I wanted them to wake up with me at home. Those are things that you do as a working mum.”

“…You can put me anywhere, I’ve sat next to Prince Andrew at Buckingham palace; I’ve had dinner with Prince Charles, all of them and I’ve never felt intimidated, and I think that has been my biggest strength.””

Did you have any set rituals and times where you would ‘switch off’ and just spend time as family?

“Yes, as my kids were always my priority. I’m not religious but Friday night the sabbath dinner was always something that was very important to me, so my kids were never allowed out on a Friday night. It’s like Sunday dinner, you sit round the table, you talk about the week and sometimes I used to entertain friends, or we’d get asked out, but I was always very, very hands on, and my girls were always with me on a Friday night. They were the things that provided the stability in our home. So as crazy as my schedule would get, I would always have that Friday night with them and unless it was an extremely big deal, I wouldn’t work on a Friday night. Now both my girls are working parents they do the same, they light the candles on the Friday night, they have the chicken soup and the chicken dinner and that for me is the glue.”

 

Aside from being determined to make it for your girls, what do you think is behind your unbelievable focus and drive?   

“Well, I’ve always had the fire in my belly. I was privately educated. My parents separated when I was 17.. I always wanted to do Law – my father was a judge, but that all changed when he left because I went off the rails. I left school flunking my A levels  and I joined M&S as a management trainee, I had always had a Saturday job and I loved selling. I was a hustler!  I always wanted to work, I always had that work ethic independence was and still is key.  What I especially I loved about the events business was that you could use your imagination and take these events beyond their [the clients] wildest dreams. I love the creativity. The magic and the madness.

 You can put me anywhere, I’ve sat next to Prince Andrew at Buckingham palace; I’ve had dinner with Prince Charles, all of them and I’ve never felt intimidated, and I think that has been my biggest strength.”

 

Looking back is there anything that you would change if you could?

“No, I wouldn’t change anything, because I think that you can never fail at anything you do; you can only learn from it. If  it doesn’t quite work out or it’s not what you want it to be, it’s a learning curve. I think the fact that I was single made me much stronger and more successful, because how could I not be? I think the only thing I would change is that I wouldn’t worry as much, because everything will be ok, it’s never not going to work out right in the end.”

 

What advice would you give to any career parent that struggling to juggle everything?

“I think the advice that I would give to anybody who is juggling all balls, when you can’t see the wood for the trees, is trust your gut instinct – always trust your gut instinct. You might make mistakes, but you won’t fail. Following my gut instinct has always done me well.

And I think the biggest part of the struggle is the guilt – you only struggle if you feel guilty. But you can’t feel guilty, you’ve got to just get on with it.”

 

Do you think the pressures we feel and the judgements we worry about as working parents, come from society or from within ourselves?

“Yes, I think the pressure comes from within, we live in an age where particularly with all the magazines and reality programmes and social media, we are all influenced by what we see, what we read, what we think we should be doing, how we think we should look, do we go for plastic surgery etc, we’re all influenced, but as you get older you realise that the only person that can influence you is yourself and what you choose to do with your life is your prerogative. To me as long as you love your kids, as long as you care, and you give your child that sense of security – that every child needs -then you’ve got to do what you can do in order to give them the best that you can, and you can’t be influenced by anybody else.”

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What do wish you would have known then what you know now?

“I wish I’d have known that I would be successful, independent, and that I’d be ok. I’ve been through two really tough divorces and some really trying times, I had a breakdown after the last marriage and if I knew then that I would be very successful and so very happy it would have helped me through that. And I don’t just mean from a financial perspective, I mean emotionally, my career and being a mother has fulfilled me and ticked all my boxes. I have a great life and I love it!”

    

Written by Lolo Stubbs
PHOTOGRAPHY BY TOM PITFIELD

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